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Author Topic: Pilot "Gripesheet"  (Read 1329 times)

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stephen

  • Guest
Pilot "Gripesheet"
« on: April 24, 2009, 07:46:08 PM »

Some of you might have seen this, but it's still one of my all time favourites.

After every flight, Qantas (Australia) pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.  The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.  Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.  Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget


Stephen

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cjwood

  • Bible-Truths Forum Member
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  • Posts: 2095
Re: Pilot "Gripesheet"
« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2009, 03:14:42 AM »

where do you find your funnies stephen? they crack me up. keep 'em coming.

claudia
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judith collier

  • Guest
Re: Pilot "Gripesheet"
« Reply #2 on: April 25, 2009, 07:03:35 AM »

I have got to read these to my husband(since he can't see) he always wanted to fly and used to read about airplanes all the time. I found these very witty and I don't like to read about airplanes. Judy
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stephen

  • Guest
Re: Pilot "Gripesheet"
« Reply #3 on: April 25, 2009, 07:24:03 AM »

Hi Claudia, I have a very humorous circle of friends, so I'll keep passing on the good ones.
Thanks for the feedback.

Stephen
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jassy

  • Guest
Re: Pilot "Gripesheet"
« Reply #4 on: April 25, 2009, 03:59:07 PM »


I was finish after ( live bugs on back order) Took me a few moments to be able to carry on reading. I needed that laugh Stephen, thanks.
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aqrinc

  • Guest
Re: Pilot "Gripesheet"
« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2009, 04:43:09 PM »


Thanks Stephen,

Very good find, (Auto-land not installed on this Aircraft) ???. That test will get a bit rough on the landing :o.

george. ;D

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Marlene

  • Guest
Re: Pilot "Gripesheet"
« Reply #6 on: April 25, 2009, 08:06:54 PM »

Hi, I have a good friend he repairs simulators and sets them up so they can train pilots. He loved this. Because they actually hired a midget. He was having a hay day with this.

Marlene
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aqrinc

  • Guest
Re: Pilot "Gripesheet"
« Reply #7 on: April 25, 2009, 08:28:29 PM »



Hired a Little person, Marlene  ;D there are no midgets. :-X

george :).

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Marlene

  • Guest
Re: Pilot "Gripesheet"
« Reply #8 on: April 25, 2009, 09:24:39 PM »

Thanks George, God created us all . All sizes.

Marlene
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