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Focus on the Negative

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Kat:

Hi Antaiwan,

I think there needs to be a balance.  Your friend was focusing on the positive and you were focusing on the negative about the child's progress report.  It seems the best thing to do for the child is to deal effectively with reality of the situation.  You should recognize that he had grades that were very good and let him know he did exceptionally well in those classes.  

But you can not just ignore that he made failing grades too.  I think this could be addressed in a way that would not be considered negative.  After congraduating him on the good grades, if you said something like, 'well something has to be done to get those low grades up.  Maybe I can help you with your homework.'

Do you see what I mean?  Just focusing on the negative is leaving a feeling of pessimism, and you shouldn't leave it there.  There needs to be something offered to bring it back to being optimistic, so as not the leave it in a negative state.

Well that's just a bit of my own thoughts on this.

mercy, peace andlove
Kat

Akira329:
Thanks Vangie!
I'm not sure how to be a positive role model to a child that doesn't care about his education(he has said this)
I'm completely ignorant in this area.

Kat I totally agree,
and it was what i did when he came and saw me.
but my comment to the mother didn't sit well with her. She didn't know what I said to him earlier.
When I told her she couldn't leave well enough alone so proceeded to tell me how I could have done better.
I said i was sorry for the comment but it didn't end there.

He doesn't want my help and can't set still long enough to explain something to him.
He doesn't respect me

I'm kind of tired of this now,
think I will stop.

Thanks guys for your advice!!

Antaiwan

EKnight:
Antaiwan,

It's not what you say but how you say it. 

If you had said, hey 3 A's!!! that's awesome!!!  Hard work pays off! and then, Are you having difficulties in Math and Reading?  Maybe I could help. 

You never even have to mention "two F's".

You see?

Eileen

aqrinc:
Antaiwan,

You asked what it means to be focused on the negative. Several discriptions were given in this thread; also several ways to balance that were given. One thing we must remember, word do not just hang out on their own, words mean things (all words).

Ray did a great simile of that with his: 1. what is that on the road ahead ? 2. what is that on the road a head?. Same words, completely different meaning, we all need to become wordsmiths, especially when volunteering our advice and opinion.

Most of what you say is in the delivery, only a small part of the words used to deliver really get through. If we percieve advice is helpful, we really listen, if we percieve it is dealt harshly we go (fight or fliight) in a hurry.

george. :)

Falconn003:

--- Quote from: Akira329 on April 29, 2009, 08:29:50 AM ---What does this statement mean??
I have been told this more than once by the same person.
Why do I always focus on the negative??
What does this mean??

Antaiwan

--- End quote ---

" Focus on the Negative " .......... What does this statement mean??

cotton candy tbn feeds it's viewers and another way of saying " i am sinner so what."

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