> Off Topic Discussions
Focus on the Negative
Vangie:
Great responses from George and Kat! I agree, and Antaiwan, I'm sorry that I tried to make a funny out of a subject that is worrying you. Please forgive me.
Why don't you give us a specific example of the details of a conversation that you were told this? I promise to try to be more helpful.
Akira329:
From the responses and pm's I've received, I definitely need to tell you guys some of the story
Thank you guys for the help and the listening ear.
I'm currently living (temporary) with a friend of mine who has a son.
Her son came home from school and showed me his progress report.
Here are his grades:
Lanugauge Arts: A
Social Studies: A
Sciences: A
Math: F
Reading: F
When he showed me I was floored by the two F's!
When she came home from work, she asked me and I quote, "Did you see the three A's on his progress report"?
I replied, " yes, but he also got two F's"
Her reply, "Antaiwan, Did you see the three A's on his progress report"?
I replied, "yes, but he also got two F's"
She left the room.
Later that evening from out of nowhere she says this:
"Why do you do that?"
"Why do you always focus on the negative?"
"Can I make a suggestion to you?"
So she then proceeds to tell me how I should have handled the above situation.
She wanted me to praise him for the three A's he received but instead I reminded her that he got two F's whereby I'm focusing on the negative.
Earlier I praised him for the three A's but I explained to him that the two F's are not going to cut it.
I told her this, evidently it wasn't enough.
I feel like this story is irrelevant considering she has told me this on more than one occasion.
Is it wrong of me to point out his failures in school? Its not like I don't want to help solve it.
I wish you guys could see the whole story because I believe its too much to post!!!
I'm reminded of this parable:
Luk 6:37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:
Luk 6:38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.
Luk 6:39 And he spake a parable unto them, Can the blind lead the blind? shall they not both fall into the ditch?
Luk 6:40 The disciple is not above his master: but every one that is perfect shall be as his master.
Luk 6:41 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Luk 6:42 Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye.
am I judging him?
It later became an argument on how to raise children, I just told her I was sorry for my comment.
Antaiwan
Dave in Tenn:
To me, he needs BOTH. But that's an opinion on raising children and that's not an argument I'm qualified to join in on. :D
You have a sensitive spirit, which is a good thing--as long as you are grounded in the truth.
There may be something in your basic character which tends to focus on the "falling-short" aspect. Plenty of scriptural support for that mindset, but it also needs wisdom and tempering.
PERHAPS your friend's comments are there to help mold you a little differently. Not every life-change is a complete turnabout...sometimes it's a series of small nudges that keep us from wandering too far right or left, even though we are basically moving in the right direction.
Anyway...you are in this kid's life for a season AND for a reason. He doesn't need much help, sounds like, except in math and reading. How's yours?
Akira329:
--- Quote from: Dave in Tenn on April 29, 2009, 12:02:25 PM ---To me, he needs BOTH. But that's an opinion on raising children and that's not an argument I'm qualified to join in on. :D
You have a sensitive spirit, which is a good thing--as long as you are grounded in the truth.
There may be something in your basic character which tends to focus on the "falling-short" aspect. Plenty of scriptural support for that mindset, but it also needs wisdom and tempering.
PERHAPS your friend's comments are there to help mold you a little differently. Not every life-change is a complete turnabout...sometimes it's a series of small nudges that keep us from wandering too far right or left, even though we are basically moving in the right direction.
Anyway...you are in this kid's life for a season AND for a reason. He doesn't need much help, sounds like, except in math and reading. How's yours?
--- End quote ---
What are the scriptures for this mind set?
Is there something I need to change about myself??
My math and reading skills are pretty good!
Its the teaching part that I have trouble with.
Thanks for your advice Dave!
Antaiwan
Vangie:
As George said, it really depends on the perspective of the person--it's all subjective. Your friend might think you stressing the F's rather than falling all over yourself praising the A's was "negative", but you handled it in the way you felt would "positively" influence her son.
The fact that you're sensitive to your friend's feelings is a "positive" in my book as well, as you're trying to understand and improve how she perceives you. I think Dave offered some good advice. We can all benefit from those nudges that help keep us on the fruitful path toward the kingdom.
Not to make light of the child's struggles if he really does have a learning problem with his math and reading, but I just can't help but think of Stephen's aircraft mechanic post where the warning was given to "straighten up, fly right and get serious". :D I'm not a parent, but I think if he can get A's in 3 subjects, then he can probably get 2 more of them, and some positive reinforcement and encouragement from a good role model (i.e. Antaiwan) is a plus! Just my two cents from the outside looking in. ;)
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