My father

[Ellie]

I feel quite compelled this morning to ask for prayer for my father.Currently he is in a home and among other things has Alzheimer's.He has deteriorated to being in a wheel chair,having to be bathed and fed.He mostly sleeps all day and barely speaks.My father's relations were long lived with quite a few of them ended up in similar situations of which they just hated. So to had my father always expressed his hatred for ever being in such a situation but there he is.
  There is one who simply wishes him dead,supposedly to end his suffering and that attitude is told to me as being kind.I tried to say that if you put that into a prayer request form,then that would be asking for him to be killed,for him to die.I futher said that God was in control,that my father's time for his death was in God's hands and that I would only ever pray for his healing,care support et.That I would never be thinking or praying for death for anyone. This only led to many protests,that this persons wish was nothing but caring and compassionate.
  There are others also that are visiting family or carers for people in this home that have this same attitude.Anyway I would apprecite some prayers for my father and I do thank you.
                                    Peace to all......Ellie........

[Ninny]

Ellie, I feel for you...I had a neighbor years ago who had a stroke..she was in a nursing home for probably 5 years..she was in her 80's and so was her husband..he was too frail to take care of her..I went every day and sat with her and talked to her..she couldn't talk, but she could let me know what she liked and didn't like! I had written a lot of words on little cards and she at first could put the words together to form little sentences..as time went by she stopped trying to communicate so much with me...

One day her husband's nephew called me and said he couldn't get him to answer the door. He said, "He has a gun and I'm afraid he may try to kill himself" So I went over to his house and stood outside the door..I talked to him for a long time..He said his wife didn't need him and he didn't have a desire to live..but he promised me he wouldn't kill himself..he was just going to stop eating and drinking and then just die...I stood at that door talking to a man who had decided he was finished living...finally I said that if he died before she did what would she do? They had no family his nephew never went to visit her..I was the only one who spent time with her...I told him if he'd just come go with me to the dr. then I was sure the dr. would give him something to make him feel better...amazingly enough..he opened the door and let me in!! I took him to the doctor and his doctor wanted to hire me to talk to his elderly patients!! I told him wow! that was just too stressful for me!!

Eventually his wife developed pnuemonia and died...and not long after that his nephew found him dead in his rocking chair his heart had just stopped...he just lost his will to go on..or God was keeping him alive to keep his wife company till she died..who knows!  But even though this situation is not exactly like yours..these people had been like parents to me..I loved them dearly..I never once prayed that God would let them die..or take them...I just prayed that God would show mercy on them and keep them from suffering..so that's all we can do...be there with love and prayer..

On another note...the only time I ever prayed for someone to die or not to die was my own mother...she was diabetic and blind..she was younger than I am now..she had a mild stroke..but went into kidney failure..I remember this so clearly..my mother was sweet and always had a kind word for everyone..the nurses in the hospital loved her...as I sat there watching her slip into a coma I stepped out of the room...now this was 33 years ago..long before BT! I went down to the little chapel and I prayed..I said, "God if it's your will to restore my mom to perfect health then please do that! If it is your will for her to go to sleep then Lord. please let her do that! Make her well if it's your will, if not..then let her go to her rest, according to your will." It's the only thing I knew to pray! I left the chapel and as I got back to her room someone told me she had passed away...I had the peace of knowing that I had given my dear mother into God's care and into His will! That's what we have to do in these instances..we don't know why God does what he does, but we know that everything is His to do with as He will!
I will be praying for you and your dad! have peace my dear friend, Ellie!
Love you,
Kathy

[soberxp]

you should tell him:"check yourself with  "Give us this day our daily bread.And forgive us our debts,As we forgive our debtors." Every person should take stock of himself now and then to see if he is on the right course. So figure it out for yourself."

god bless us n your father!
soberxp

[Ellie]

Kathy, thank you for your response and the experiences you shared with us.They were all fortunate people to have you in their lives.God is in control and his will will be done in all things.
Welcome back to the forum Kathy,you have been missed.
Soberex.I am not sure how to respond to your reply,due to the language difficulties but God bless you..
                 peace to all.....Ellie.........

[Ninny]

Ellie, it's good to be "home" again!
I was reading soberxp's remarks and I think he was talking about the person you said wanted your father to die..I think soberxp meant you should tell him to check his true motives for wanting your father to die. and to make sure he was on the right track! I'm not speaking for our soberxp, but I think that is what he meant! 
Kathy

[Joel]

Hi Ellie,
I can relate to your situation in many ways, We had to place my mother in a nursing home after she broke a hip. She was in their care for about three years before she died at the age of 85. We tried caring for her at home, but after some time of doing everything that needed to be done in her case, and she wasn't getting any better, us nine kids finally took the nursing home route.
Then one of my brothers went into cardiac arrest and didn't breath on his own for more than four minutes. He suffered brain damage and was in a home for about four years.
He died from dementia they said.
I made many trips to two different nursing homes for a time there, and things were very unsettled between us kids. And some strong disagreements lead to some hard feelings all around. I went a lot of days in Gods strength, because I could tell I had none of my own.
I don't wish that kind of pressure on anyone, but it was a time of learning and growing on my part.
I think of my mother, and brother often, and most of the time it is memories of them before they were home bound.
You have my prayers, and I know the Lord is with you.
May His peace be your stay.

Joel

[Ellie]

Yay........thanks Kathy........
Joel.....Thank you for sharing your experience,very touching.It is a vulnerable time for all in these situations. It can bring out the best and the worst in families at times.Thank you for your prayers
                                           Peace .....Ellie.....
             

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hello Ellie

Thank you for sharing with us.

Our prayers shall also be for you as well as your Dad and those in whose care he is placed!

It can not be easy to see or experience a parent descend into the helpless circumstances where the kindness, compassion and considerate understanding of others becomes so vital. Your insight and faith would help strengthen those who are counted on for their care and assistance to help maintain and support your Dad and his well being as much as possible in the circumstances.

May comfort and trust garrison you as you walk in God's presence with you and may others experience that faith that brings the endurance we all need and require to stay alive with dignity and confidence in our Lord.

Arc

[judith collier]

Dear Ellie, I remember my sister saying towards the end of my father's life, "it's best to let him go"  Hell couldn't contain the fury I had toward her. She never lifted a finger for him, it was me who had taken care of him for 10 yrs. A Chaplain had to be called. How quick some are to say "die" I feel for you and pray for your father. judy

[frecklegirl417]

Ellie,

  Has some already know I work in a psychiatric hospital taking care of mostly elderly patients. The patients like your father are the ones I pay extra attention to. Some believe they have no sense of anything around them but in my experience it is not true. Sometimes patients like your father, wheelchair need to be fed, dressed, and given baths too, they do know what is going on around them. These patients sometimes have just a minute or just seconds of remembering everything, then they go back to not remembering. I see family members visit often and it is hard for them has I know it is hard for you, your father does know you are there. It may not seem like it but he does. Hold fast to the faith that our heavenly father bestows upon you and just take one minute, one day at a time. I will pray for you and your family to give you the peace and the faith you all need during this trying time.

                                                   Pam

[Ellie]

Arc,Pam and Judy, Thank you all for your comforting words and prayers. It is a difficult situation for all those involved. I live a long way away from from my parents and am unable to visit.Am aware Pam of your work through previous posts and appreciate your understanding of which I agree. Your patients are so fortunate to have you.Yes, it is those seconds or moments of being aware that are so precious and I like to think of all in these situations being treated with respect for the life they have and are not just wishing them away. I understand your fury, Judy,I felt much the same.Who can say exactly what purpose these ill people still perform in the will of God.. All those carers are exhibiting a great service and in turn are being supported by the very work they do.
  Pam.Hope you are continuing to recover well and it is lovely to see you posting.
                              Thank you all again..........peace......Ellie......

P.S. It never fails.....whenever I come on to the forum there is Indi cat wailing at the door to come in,he jumps up on the table beside me and has a purring session......and gazes adoringly into my eyes....