I could use some help with something...

[Indagator]

I posted a testimony here a while back before the board changed so some may now know my past.  I'll give a brief synopsis for a background just to make sure everyone knows where I'm coming from.  I was raised Southern Baptist, ran (naturally) from fear, and fire and brimstone, and looked into some eastern philosophies and even Satanism.  Eventually God made me hit rock bottom, and I on my face begged him to help.  God called me then and I began my "real" journey to better understand Christ.  Eventually I was baptised into the Roman Catholic Church, and I loved it.  It was more about love than hellfire and brimstone.  I still miss it somewhat at times 

After reading another member's posts on a different forum, something came through to me.  It was the single ray of light shining in the darkness.  The word of God, Christ himself told me something, through someone else.  I've not been the same since.  I learn slowly.  Only a little at a time does the Lord make things clear to me, and I think it's because He knows how much I can deal with all at once, so he tries to spare me some.  I was impatient to learn, but I've learned to just relax and study, and what will come will come in His own time.  After so many times of begging for so much more wisdom, I finally got that it's only in God's will what wisdom will be bestowed when.  I'm cool with that finally  . 

Just for some personal information, I'm a goofy one.  I like to play and laugh and make others laugh and smile.  It's the leprechaun in me I guess.  I crack jokes, act a fool, do what I do, all for the sake of making someone smile, laugh and feel good when they're not feeling so good really.  I feel like what you give out from yourself, is returned to you.  Now, before I go any further, remember I was once a "dark" personality.  I still have some elements of that in me...not so much as in feeling "dark", but moreso in my sense of humor.  It's twisted a bit.

I sent an IM to a good friend of mine who is a "Christian", though he wears a necklace with his name inscribed in egyptian heiroglyphs.  He's also had some contact with the "Nuwabians".  I dont' fault him for that though, since I have a copy of Malachai York's translation of the Egyptian Book of the Dead on my bookshelf.  Along with that, I also have the Tibetan Book of the Dead.  I also have various books on eastern Philosophy, the Tao te Ching being another.  Yes, my interests throughout the years have included so much eastern philosophy, paganism, satanism, and anything else I could find.  None are innocent, not even me.

This friend came by the night before last, and noticed a copy of the "Satanic Bible" by Anton LaVey on my bookshelf, which I haven't touched in...well about 8 years now, and immediately jumped to conclusions, even know what he did about me.  My response was "It's a part of my past.  I read into it,  I comprehended, but ultimately I couldn't follow it.  It dosen't fit me."  Just the same way "Christianity" dosen't fit me.  I feel like an alien in my own land =/.   It seems it all has something that sort of fits, but not ever really. I feel like the octagon peg that's trying to be fit in the hectagon hole.  It's similar maybe, but it's just not happening.

Anyway, the friend saw that, and I sent him a phone spoof via YIM.  Here's the link so you guys can see what's going on...

http://monkeydoo.com/onlineflash_thering2.php

For those of you that have seen the movie "The Ring", essentially, this site phone spoofs it.  The recipeint of the link clicks the link and watches the movie. When they close the window, the server on the other end calls them and either states the sender's previously recorded message, or by default says "You will die in seven days".  I'm willing to admit that maybe I did this in bad taste, but I feel that my friend should have an idea of my twisted sense of humor by now, and I explained that it was only a joke based on that movie.  Apparently, I am now on "friendship suspension".  There is much more to this story, but I'm trying to keep it somewhat brief becaue the full story would literally be HUGE.  If anyone wishes to hear it all, then I can type it all out.  Right now, I'm only posting the pertinent  info.

Anyway, I have a dark, twisted sense of humor, just like my artwork that this friend has seen so many times.  He notices a satanic bible on my shelf but then FAILS TO NOTICE THREE DIFFERNT TRANSLATIONS OF THE BIBLE THERE AS WELL. That's not to mention  all the the theological books with them, which yes are basically useless, but were a part of my spiritual journey, just like the satanic bible, eastern philosophies were.  It's a journey to me...he dosen't seem to grasp that.  He seems almost calvinistic somewhat.  I do love him.  He's my friend.  He's deep down a good guy, though he sseems cold to most.  But he is the "Typical Christian"...so quick to judge others without looking at himself.  I hate that he's like that but I can only trust that God knows what he's doing.  In the meantime though, I'm missing a dear friend.  Even counting that I am caucasian and he's black...we're still normally very close.   I really do love the guy, but I feel like he's only living by the word of the Law, and not the spirit.  To me, a horror movie is just a movie, a fancy.  But Maybe I put a stumbling block before him somehow.  I really hope now.  If I have, I'll repent of it.  I've already apologized to him somewhat, but he's still "cut me off".  I guess I'm forever the heretic.  I think more about the meaning behind the Law than the action.  God help me,  I can't do it without you.  In Christ's name I pray.  I'm so tired.

[Sorin]

Indagator,

You big goof! I like that idea with The Ring prank call. I think your friend is overreacting a bit, not only about The Satanic bible but also about the prank call. I mean it was just a joke. If I got that call I'd be LMAO. About the bible, since he is your friend he probably knows what you were into and thus not be so shocked at discovering it. Then again he is Christian, so yeah, I can understand why the hasty judgement. I work with Christians of different denominations (Pentecostal,Baptist, Orthodox) and this one guy whose
of my old denomination (Pentecost) refuses to take even a sip of wine or beer or anything alcoholic because he thinks it's a sin. He said we are to respect our bodies (as if taking a sip is disrespecting your body?). I say he is cleaning the bowl on the outside. And I told him that even Jesus drank wine, and he seemed to acknowledge that but still thinks it's wrong, even though he agrees that Jesus was without sin. So I really cannot understand how a Christian's mind works. It truly is mind boggling the amount of contradictions their minds are able to accept.

Take care,
Sorin

[Indagator]

Thank you both Sorin and Bobby!  Sorin, it's just hard for me knowing that my books and my spiritual experience has been always exposed to literally EVERYONE who's seen it.  I don't hide anything.  He has seen those books, which are actually ordered according to my  spiritual journey (yes the bible is at the end), but just now I'm condemned by him? He's been a close friend.  I'm just mind boggled.

To Bobby, I'm just now starting to feel the persecution.  I tried to relate spiritual truths given to me by Christ to him, but he can't see it (just yet at least, I don't know what the Lord has in store for him).  It hurts that I may lose a friend over something like this.Maybe I'll be challenged as well like this.  I hope that our Father, through Christ might spare me from the final test, but He wills what he Wills.  I'm obviously fit for destruction. 

Destroy me now Father, so that I don't have to be destroyed later.

Dammit, I told myself I wouldn't cry.