Why do people close to me always rile me up?

[loretta]

Definition of rile
(verb) cause annoyance in; disturb, especially by minor irritations.

I am the one who is shouting, not always but when I get really mad. At my husband, daughter, mother, maid. They really manage to rile me up. These are not minor irritants, but issues that I tend to overlook, forgive, let go, turn the other cheek, layer upon layer till I feel overwhelmed, controlled, boxed in, like a doormat. I do say whats on my mind, bit nobody pays attention, nothing changes till I start shouting.

I know I am not perfect, but am I so bad?

[Dennis Vogel]

nobody pays attention

Resentment is one of the worst emotions. Getting rid of it is the real "turning the other cheek."

[Dennis Vogel]

Loretta, Ray says "Getting saved is the hardest thing you will ever do."

It would be nice if we could just flip a switch and become all the things Jesus tells us we need to be. But that's not how it works.

In some respects we are to become like a "doormat." But it takes years to kill the old self:

2Co 4:16  For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

You are on a journey and it's not going to be easy.

1Co 10:13  There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

[arion]

Oh dear....shouting at the maid?     I'll never know what that is like.  LOL  One of the hardest things about our walk is seeing just how far we have to go when we hold ourselves up to the light.  But that too is part of the process and there is no 'magic' pill.  We all have issues.  Some are more visible such as losing our tempers and others not quite so visible.  But believe it or not your right where God wants you to be right now and part of our frustration with ourselves is also part of the process.  We need to be absolutely convinced that we can't live up to God's ideals in our own strength and he has ways of demonstrating this to us.

[wat]

Without knowing any details of your situations, I'll say this.  I don't know about shouting, but sometimes stern words are necessary.  Soft words and suggestions almost never work in my experience, unless the person is already leaning in that direction.  If things need to change, being live and direct (and controlled) can be the right way to go.

[loretta]

Loretta, Ray says "Getting saved is the hardest thing you will ever do."

I've noticed that whenever a new crisis hits me, I start to question whether its really fair or necessary, like havn't I had enough.  Then I begin to get riled up, as if God is showing me that his work is far from finished. 

I don't think its about resentment though.  In Christendom, yes, when we're taught that we must lay ourselves across the threshold so everyone can walk over us.  So after leaving Christendom alot of pent up frustration came out! .  I know now from experience that there are times when God  lays you down and times when he empowers you to stand.

But believe it or not your right where God wants you to be right now and part of our frustration with ourselves is also part of the process.  We need to be absolutely convinced that we can't live up to God's ideals in our own strength and he has ways of demonstrating this to us.

True, but its so frustrating to see how well ordered other peoples lives are. They don't even need to shout.

Without knowing any details of your situations, I'll say this.  I don't know about shouting, but sometimes stern words are necessary.  Soft words and suggestions almost never work in my experience, unless the person is already leaning in that direction.  If things need to change, being live and direct (and controlled) can be the right way to go.

Goodsense, absolutely. Just that I'm not made this way But I guess its never too late to learn to communicate and set limits to avoid unhealthy situations. God willing.

Tks Dave, Arion and LOC, for your helpful posts.  Something to teach my girls, so that they don't end up doing the same things I did! 

[Rhys 🕊]

All these things come as way of learning and growing in Christ so thank Him for it and keep praying to know what He is showing you

Rhys

[Dennis Vogel]

Perhaps you are forced into yelling because your words carry no consequences?

You could tell your maid to do what she is told else she will be replaced (but I don't know anything about your maid. She could have been with you for many years and is part of the family).

Your daughter has privileges that could be removed if she does not mind.

Just guessing here.

But I would suggest you never yell again. Just tell whomever you expect this and if it doesn't happen you will take action. And if they still ignore you take action. After a while they will know you mean business.

I use to get in these arguments with my daughter when she was about 14 years old. Someone suggested I just stop and I tried it. The first time I refused to argue my daughter looked a little confused. The second time she just accepted it and all the arguments were over forever.

[loretta]

Perhaps you are forced into yelling because your words carry no consequences?

It seems so, Dennis.  Talking to my husband is like talking to a brick wall.  And when he does say something, it is just to grab my attention and not really to communicate.  I think he has BPD.   My teen daughter is moody and doesn't eat when she is upset with me. Perhaps its just a teen thing, but I've had to endure the same behavior with my husband for years, so I can't take it anymore.  Maybe I'm also scared that she will turn out the same and ruin relationships in her wake.  My mother, well, we've never had a good relationship, she's always undermined me, says cutting things.  For years I couldn't understand why she wouldn't accept Jesus as her savior, get saved and change her ways.  Now I understand that it won't happen in this age, that she will have her time in the lof. Thankfully, she is loosing her mind, so I don't shout at her any longer.  The maid?  She is poor, a widow with four college going kids, a good worker, but with a horrible attitude. I don't have the heart to dismiss her, though I have threatened her.

All these things come as way of learning and growing in Christ so thank Him for it and keep praying to know what He is showing you.

You are right Rhys. There must be a good reason why these things are happening to me.

But yes, Dennis, I must stop yelling.

Thanks for listening and sharing with me.

[Loverly]

Loretta,
Yelling is self preserving or "fear of death".  Jesus took care of death on the cross and...the fear of death.  How many times did he tell his disciples "Do not fear" "fear not".
What are you afraid of that makes you yell at those around you and try to invoke fear and your way??  Are you afraid of not being loved enough, in control enough, perfect enough?
  This culture programs us to put on a perfect fake image... and years of trying only putt me in a bad mood making little things get under my skin.
Jesus said, "It is finished" and He meant it.  All of the fear was taken care of that pushes you over the edge to lash out verbally to precious one of a kind human beings that He's allowed in your care and circle by His sovereign will.  You're steps are ordered by Him to mold you into His image not your own image and your own kingdom.   Let go of your kingdom building that only harbors more and more fear of self preservation.  There's rest and peace in Yeshua!"
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 
Don't punish others with your yelling and words. There's no reason to fear.   God is full of love that will work in your mouth too!

  Call it what it is and ask God to take over that fear and lust of the flesh that keeps you yelling.
He's got it all covered!

13 For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14 For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." 15 But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another.

16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. 17 For the flesh [g]sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you [h]please. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. 19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy,

outbursts of anger,
disputes,

dissensions, factions, 21 envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 BUT the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who [k]belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also [l]walk by the Spirit. 26 Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.
Remember, it's not their fault that they make you angry enough that you verbally abuse them.  Never right to blame shift.   

Just giving it to ya straight my sista!

Let Him do His work in you.  Give up your control and your kingdom.  Those around you can't walk in the spirit but you can. He has to do it ALL!

[rumpelstiltskin]

Well for what it's worth Loretta, the only thing i have to add is ;your post subject and word definition should have a picture of my parents next to it ...sorry but that's all.

[loretta]

Remember, it's not their fault that they make you angry enough that you verbally abuse them.  Never right to blame shift.   

Just giving it to ya straight my sista!

Let Him do His work in you.  Give up your control and your kingdom.  Those around you can't walk in the spirit but you can. He has to do it ALL!

I don't verbally abuse anyone, Loverly. I just raise my voice a few decibels so that I'm heard.   

If you only knew how much I've already given up; control, kingdom, image... rather, what God has caused me to give up. 

Isn't that why we're here in the lof in the first place.   

Well for what it's worth Loretta, the only thing i have to add is ;your post subject and word definition should have a picture of my parents next to it ...sorry but that's all.

That's why you're here with me in the lof, T.G.N.