My sister, a drug addict

[ned]

I have a problem I need to share with you all.
I am from a family of 10 kids, (10 kids in 12 years)...we have always been a very close family.
3 of the 10 are now drug addicts (crack/cocaine) (to the point where they have lost EVERYTHING, even their kids). These three all have their own group of friends they hang with. This has been going on for about 4 years.
Now it is even worse with my older sister. She has been in the hospital for about 3 weeks now with a serious arm infection caused by sharing needles with her husband. (apparently they were injecting crack?!) He was just released from the hospital. She is losing weight rapidly. Her 15 year old daughter hates her and she doesn't care. She has lied so much about her addiction, she is now believing her own lies.  How many times can one hit rock bottom? This is at least her second time.

My problem is that since she has "fallen" I have stayed away from her. I don't want to see her. I haven't even visited her in the hospital  yet, I'm scared to see what she looks like. I have pictures of her when she was not an addict, and she was so healthy looking and pretty...
I've prayed to God about visiting her and....well, like I said I haven't been there yet.
What I really want is to tell her how much happier she would be with God in her life, that Satan is ruining her, but for one thing she doesn't believe in God and would only yell at me and deny she's even on drugs. I don't think that's what God wants me to do.
Could it be that this is her destiny? Hers, plus my other sister and brother? Is this it for them? Is there anything I can say to them to help them? Do I just sit back and do nothing?
My family is planning an intervention for when she gets out of the hospital, but she is so mad and angry, she thinks all we do is gang up on her. I don't know if she can sit through even a one hour intervention. How I would love to see her and my other sister and brother back the way they were, drugs are so evil.
I'll keep praying.
Thanks for listening,
Marie

[chuckusa]

Marie,

Sister, my prayers are with you and your family.

All my love Marie,
Chuck

[MG]

Marie,

My son is an alcoholic and uses drugs sometimes. I can tell you that I have tried everything and found that I am powerless to do anything about his addiction. He has been in rehab, jails, hospitals, homeless and hungry. His alcoholism has progressed to where he has liver damage and throws up blood. He is suicidal and seriously depressed. He lashes out and refuses any suggestions for help. I share God's truth whenever I talk to him. All I can do is pray for him. Anything else just spares him of the consequences that might lead him to God and away from addiction. It kills me to watch him killing himself and knowing there is nothing I can do. It's very hard.

This link might help you understand it better. My prayers go out to your family and your brother and sisters.

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/Addiction_Lies_Rel.html

[orion77]

Hello Marie,

I have seen drug addiction before, and from experience it's a waste of time to beat yourself up, or try to talk about God when another loved one is going through this.  I think it boils down to loving them first, not condemning, and just being there in their time of need, even though they will never admit to it, but they do know they need help.  It is the constant bickering of loved ones and friends that can cause them to rebel and refuse any help.

It is about them seeing you as an equal, when they sense this, they will begin to open up.  It can not be forced upon them.  We are all equal in Gods eyes.  I think the problem is that we can't see each other as equals.  We must love them and forgive them, no matter what.  This is what He has done for us, so we must do towards others.

I know it is easier said than done, but why should we make ourselves miserable.  Truth is, if we are not loving and forgiving them, we are scornful, upset and angry.  So, which is better?

My prayers are with you and your sister and other family members.  Gods purpose and will stand forever and we know what that is!

God bless,

Gary

[kennymac]

Hi Marie,

My name is Mary Ann, I lost my children, my business, and my home  to a 6 year heroin addiction.
I came to a point in my life where there was nothing left to hope for. I had a beautiful family, a beautiful home, a husband  who I loved dearly, we both owned and operated our own businesses so there was abundance of material things. But I was dead inside, there was a huge void, that I could not fill, so I turned to drugs in my search for happiness. 

Marie, looking back I thank God for the experience, as strange as that sounds... it is what I needed to bring me to my knees. I now enjoy a peace, joy, and love that I never knew existed, it was worth all that I went through to know what I now know.

I want you to understand that this is something that can be overcome, when she is ready. She is the one that has to come to terms with it and make that decision. One thing I am sure of is she hates what she is doing. When I finally decided to do some research, to see what I was up against, the information available seemed hopeless.
Society will have you believe that chances of recovery are slim to none.

I came across a book that warned, society will say there is little chance for recovery. It talked about the fact that 90% of the Vietnam vets that came home addicted to heroin easily recovered. It made me aware that, what we are exposed to is a stereo type, mainly using the statistics of inner-city ghetto type addicts and their failure rate. We don't have a lot of infomation about  middle, uppermiddle, and the wealthy, who become victims to heroin addiction.There are many addicts who choose to stop and do, but we don't have their testimony, because they never sought professional help. People with money don't go around broadcasting thier addiction, so there is little information available about thier success stories. The book stated that smoking was just as difficult and perhaps even harder to overcome than a heroin addiction. The world speaks as if it is impossible. I wish I had the book or new the name of it but I do not.

There is no easy formula for you to follow to help your family, but it is important for you to know that many do overcome this. When she is ready to recover be there to help her don't let your heart become bitter and angry.

I can not speak for your family members, but all that I know, who became involved with drugs at some point hated what was happening.

You should not enable her in anyway, she will lie, cheat and steal to support her habit. If you can make her feel safe, able to confide in you in weak moments, it will be a great starting point,  to be able to influence her in a positive way, when she needs you the most. If she can not share with you moments of failure, weakness, and doubt because she is afraid to disappoint you or upset you, how can she be honest.  For me recovery was a process. There were times when I would slip and fall.  Those where the moments I needed encouragement, those where the moments I needed support, those were the moments when I needed someone reminding me there was hope. Most of the time these are the moments the recovering addict has no one because they are not allowed to share the truth, doing so will cause them to be cut off. They are only loved and accepted if they are staying clean. The last thing one needs after giving in to drugs, is  to be lectured, condemned, made to feel guilty,and worthless. They can do that themselves. She needs love.

Marie, I will keep you in my prayers. If you need anything I am hear for you.

God bless,

Mary Ann

[snorky]

Marie, I will pray for you and your sister, but I also hope this post will inspire you that everything really is in God's hands...

My husband and I have this friend, a Vietnam vet (who claims to have done some "unspeakable" things over there that he will discuss with another friend who is also Nam vet), who, as time wore on, became more and more of an alcoholic to the point where all he did was drink, slept it off, then drink when he got up and have a bit of ffod now and then). After many years of this and my husband (primarily) talking to him about Christ (as well as this other non-vet friend of ours) and the vet and the other guy constantly wanting to argue about the truth of the Bible, and the vet getting usually very obnoxious as he got more and more drunk, and then collapsing... Well, a couple of years ago he started getting serious vet benefits (aided by me and this other vet friend) and getting bette rehab. Anyway, my husband would continue to tell him about Christ and the truth of the Bible. It didn't look as if it would ever bring results.

Well, guess what? After about 8 or 9 months or so...and I hadn't seen this vet friend (who lives in our mountain community), I went to see him about a week ago. Not only was he sober, his house was reasonably clean, he looked as if he had been cooking food, not just opening up cans and eating out of the can the way he used to, he looked better than I'd ever seen him (it was rare to see him any other way but drunk), but he said that I could talk about the bible any time and that "of course" Christ saved him! As far as I'm concerned it's a miracle!

Take what God gives you out of this, but I really hope this helps--snorky

Deb

[ned]

Thank you all for your replies, sharing your stories and your love.
God will guide me to where He wants me in this mess. I will wait for Him.
Love to you all.
Marie

[mongoose]

Marie,
  I will pray for you and your sister and other siblings.  This must be so hard on you.  God will guide you through it...just keep talking to Him.  And He will take care of your sister and siblings in His time.  Still it must be so hard for you to watch and want to help and not know what to do.  God bless you and your family in your struggles.

mongoose

[ned]

Thank you mongoose.

[gmik]

Marie, MaryAnn, MG, Deb what amazing things that God has done or is doing in your lives. It is so sad to hear of young people throwing their lives away. bBut with God nothing is impossible. I will be praying for you.  Thank you for sharing.

It is strange about siblings tho.  I have been a "christian" all my life.  My sister has never been interested at all and absolutely will not talk about it with me. And we were both brought up in church.

MG I will be praying for your son.  That is so heartbreaking.  But your love of God and your wisdom in His words come thru your posts to help me and others. It is true that the fiery trials do make us stronger.

Love to all,
gena

[Ward]

Marie:

Hope this response helps...

I've prayed to God about visiting her and....well, like I said I haven't been there yet.

Well, then I would say that to this point it hasn't been God's will for you to visit your sister.

What I really want is to tell her how much happier she would be with God in her life, that Satan is ruining her, but for one thing she doesn't believe in God and would only yell at me and deny she's even on drugs. I don't think that's what God wants me to do.

I don't think that's what God wants you to do either.  I believe that God wants you to be a light in your sisters', brother and neice's lives.  First, be in their lives.  Second, while being in their lives be the example that Christ Jesus was when he walked this earth.  Remeber that the crowds came to him.  (Several people have done that to me during my life. After a time, I came to them.  I asked them. I then listened to them.  Why?  Because they lived the life that Christ Jesus did.  Not because they told me anything first.) Two sisters, a neice and a brother may not be a big crowd, but its a crowd.

Could it be that this is her destiny? Hers, plus my other sister and brother? Is this it for them? Is there anything I can say to them to help them? Do I just sit back and do nothing?

Is it their destiny?  NO!!!  Their destiny has been confirmed by the death and resurection of Christ Jesus.  They will be saved, sooner or later.  Be assured of that!

As to the "anything I can say to them" part, yes, but not until you first live your life in front of your sisters, brothers, and neice.  Be the light that is kind, forgiving, humble, and most of all present and available. Then, you get to answer the questions that they will ask when God causes them to see and hear.  And know that God will give you the words when they ask.

None of that is easy for any of us.  So continue to pray for God's help and guidance.  And know that I will pray for you and all of your family.

Please feel free to continue to ask for whatever you need here.  To all of us publically or on an individual basis.  We care.  I care.  (Thank you Father for causing us to care.)

Ward

[ned]

Hi Gena and Ward.
Thank you for your replies. Ward, you have given me something to think about. I definitely need to get over my own feelings and visit with them. I sometimes worry about how I feel (I know I don't want to see them all strung out), but I know deep inside I should be doing what I know Jesus wants and what my family needs.
Thanks for your prayers.
Marie