Hate

[mari_et_pere]

This was touched upon in another thread. It's super long already so I thought I'd start a new one with this thought.

I remember a time when I was full of hate. I hated this, I hated that, I hated people, I hated everything. Hate shows an inward discontentment and/or confusion. Through the years of growing spiritually and learning the truth I've learned, I've come away from that hate so much! I remember times when I'd get angry and/or express hate for this or that, and people would comment on how over hateful or angry I was. Now the roles are reversed a bit. Someone gets a little bent out of shape over this or that, and I think, 'gosh they sound like me.' Except they don't because I hardly ever get angry over stuff these days. Thank God for that! I remember that my anger and hate were like a prison. Why God had me in that prison I'm not sure, but I was there. Now I'm free! Thank God.

Would you all agree that to hate the sin is good, but hating the sinner is like hating God for what He's created? How can I hate you without blaming God for making you? Or myself for that matter. I give credit to my wife for making me realize that to hate yourself is like blaming God for making a mistake when He created you.

Joh 7:7a  The world cannot hate you; but me it hateth,

I try to keep this verse in mind when I start to get angry at someone and think or talk hatefully about them:

Mat 5:44  But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

I don't really know why I posted this. Just felt led.

Matt

[lilitalienboi16]

This was touched upon in another thread. It's super long already so I thought I'd start a new one with this thought.

I remember a time when I was full of hate. I hated this, I hated that, I hated people, I hated everything. Hate shows an inward discontentment and/or confusion. Through the years of growing spiritually and learning the truth I've learned, I've come away from that hate so much! I remember times when I'd get angry and/or express hate for this or that, and people would comment on how over hateful or angry I was. Now the roles are reversed a bit. Someone gets a little bent out of shape over this or that, and I think, 'gosh they sound like me.' Except they don't because I hardly ever get angry over stuff these days. Thank God for that! I remember that my anger and hate were like a prison. Why God had me in that prison I'm not sure, but I was there. Now I'm free! Thank God.

Would you all agree that to hate the sin is good, but hating the sinner is like hating God for what He's created? How can I hate you without blaming God for making you? Or myself for that matter. I give credit to my wife for making me realize that to hate yourself is like blaming God for making a mistake when He created you.

Joh 7:7a  The world cannot hate you; but me it hateth,

I try to keep this verse in mind when I start to get angry at someone and think or talk hatefully about them:

Mat 5:44  But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

I don't really know why I posted this. Just felt led.

Matt

Matt, i know why you posted this, and i was on the verge of posting the same exact thing. Oh how the Lord works, haha.

The other day, i was haveing a conversation with my X girlfriend, she was over and useing my computer in our downstairs room. She had frustrated me, and infact hurt me, and that hurt for about 5 minutes turned to anger. I had taken my eyes off Christ, and Lost it. I was ashamed after, i never even apoligized to her, i just kept thinking, 'YOU ARE WRONG' YOU DID THIS, ITS YOUR FAULT, but i never looked at the pig and beast that i was. Oh how ashamed i am, and i feel discusting for haveing hurt her in this way, though she did hurt me, it takes two to tango and i played my part just as she did hers.

Anyway my mother heard me upset, and she came into the room and told me to get out and leave jacqueline alone so she can do her project. I refused, and i fought her. My mothjer left and about after 5 minutes i calmed down and talked to jacqueline normally. I had wanted her to see why she hurt me, and she did, and apoligized but i didn't think she was bieng sincere. My mother came back and shouted 'Alex get out of there, leave her alone and go.' My friends had all been waiting outside to go see a movie and i had kept them waiting for atleast 10 minutes now. My mother finaly came in the room after i refused to leave one more time, and i xploded. So much hate and anger came out of me, i yelled at her at the top of my longues, she held her ground, and it frustrated me. I was thinking, why cant she leave me alone, why can't i talk to jacqueline like a normal human bieng. Why can't i have a mature converstaion with another adault without bieng interrupted. She made it clear my friends were still waiting for me, and all i wanted to do was not leave on a bad note with jacqueline but rather a good one so i tried my best to make things alright and that was the reason for my delay, but my mother thought i was still trying to argue.

So much anger buillt in me, and finaly came out. I released it all on the wall, i had thrown my fist so hard into the wall that i pushed my pinky out of the socket, jammed the pinky finger and the finger right next to it, and the swelling began shortly after. I was in immense pain, and what a fool i was, i had deserved it i know. Judgement or chastisment, whichever it was, was brought upon me, and even now my hand is still swelled quiet a good bit, i can't use my pink or my finger next to it just because it hurts so much. However i truly saw the beast that night, that was still here in me lurking.

I havn't apoligized to my mother yet, or jacqueline.. i know i should. I hope that i learned whatever the Lord wanted me to learn from it. I think last night i finaly realized what that was, 'YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW ALEX' proclaimed a voice in my head, as i sat there, because in the middle night i had smacked my hand against the wall so hard again, and it swelled up again lest night, just as it was starting to go down. That thought kept comeing to me though, and i think the Lord was letting me knwo why He did this to me, and i've learned, i hope, and next time i need to remember who it is that i try and follow, whose commandments i'm trying to keep.

Well thats my story, i was thinking about shareing it, but it has all to much to do with anger, and matt, i think i'm that angry guy you think of when you look back at yourself, because the anger is here within me, but Lord willing this is the beginning of the end of it, because my hand HURTS REALLY BAD. LESSON LEARNED FATHER, FORGIVE ME ><

LOVE [i pray] in Christ,

Alex

[mari_et_pere]

Alex, man! How many times have been in that same scenario? Hmm.......as with the hairs of my head only God knows!

I gotta say something to ya dude. No offense in this; only love man. But you say you reap what you sow, and you have a lesson to learn. It took me a long time to grasp this, but your hand isn't the only thing affected by what happened last night bro. Jaqueline and your mom also are. Now you say it takes two to tango, amen to that! BUT! As they are responsible for their part, you're responsible for yours, so there's like a three way offense going on here. They had their roles in hurting you, you had your's in hurting them. That's another lesson to learn from our anger. Other's are affected by it, not just our pinky fingers or knuckles.

What I'm saying is our angry outbursts at others affects them just like their's do to us. Anger can ruin relationships. I watched my sister's anger problem devastate her relationship with my mom and dad. I think anger is probably the number one cause of most faulty relationships. We gotta keep it in check; vent our passion in other ways.

But dude, lesson learned indeed. I've learned most of what I know the hard (stupid) way. I'm taking the less self-centered route these days. I've found that caring for the other person's feelings more than mine (hard as you-know-what to do) allows only justified anger bubble to the top instead of self-centered rage. Justified anger is a tool. The rage is folly which only hurts us and others.

You know the old saying, "practice makes perfect"? It fits here like a glove.

Love in Christ for sure man,

Matt

[YellowStone]

Hey Matt and Alex,

Been there, done that and it is not pretty nor something I am proud of. It was always me against the world, or rather the world against me. It was always there fault, why else would I get angry.

Don't get me wrong, angry outbursts tend to release pent up tention and frustration. Which means, that it was not the anger I had to learn to curb for it was only the whistle on the relief valve. It was I who caused it to blow.

Someone told me something very profound (at least to me) and that was that NO ONE can make me smile, make me laugh or anger me. Absolutely NO ONE but myself. They went on to say that "Only I have the power of my emotions, no one else; my emotions are MY choice like it or not.

WOW!!!!  That was a sobering message, so they meant it was I who was choosing to build up resentment, anger, frustration instead of CHOOSING to let it go. What a concept! Suddenly I seen the fool that I am, a fool who was trashing the God given choices given to me.

This coupled with the realization that God has led me to a situation for a reason, that being to spread the fruits of the Spirit, just hit home like a tonne of bricks. Even my wife has realized a change in me, and she has picked up on it too. God has given us the ability to choose, and I soon learned that the world was not against me, but was rather my learning ground.

So I am not judging either of you, but I hope these words may touch you as they touched me.

God bless you both,

Darren

[mari_et_pere]

Darren, you chose the words I meant to say! 

I realized some time ago that I control myself. Actually I can control, or I can hand over the reigns to the beast within and let him tear my emotions apart, leaving me spiritually weakened and confused. That's what I did for a long time. I was a mess. I don't think the present me would recognize the past me. Ten years ago I was really really messed up. A slow progression has brought me to where I am now.

It seems that people who don't practice controlling themselves eventually lose that control. Like I told Alex, practice makes perfect. At least close to it. 

Thank God for teaching us control.

Matt

[jackson]

Hey everyone!  Just thought I'd put my 2 cents in.

Unfortunatly I have alot of experience in this area.  Not with my attitude, fortunatly God has put me on a pretty even keel--even to the point where I've been mistaken as apathetic--I'm very passionate just not overly emotional.  But from my vantage point I've witnessed someone very close to me dealing with bouts of hatred, rage, violence...It's one of the saddest things to watch someone have to try and cope with because first of all there is no reasoning with them and secondly if you try the anger (like what you did with your mother Alex) getts turned on you.

You are so right Matt, anger WILL ruin relationships.  You know swollen hands will eventually heal but the emotional scares just linger and fester if not cared for.  On that note...Alex, go appologize first to your mother and then to Jacquline; be only sincere and honest and don't preface it with a "it was partly your fault"--thats just twisting the knife.

I have been dealing with this anger issue for over 10 years now, so I've become somewhat of an expert at dealing with the emotions involved.  I still get hit by the bullets (quite a bit actually) but they don't hurt as much any more .  My skin has grown very thick; this I do realize is regretable; however when in a relationship that can reach critical mass very quickly you have to put up some walls (sometimes BIG ones).  Thats why Alex you need to reconcile with these people you care for before the anger has a chance to take root.  Some walls are impossible to see over they are so big.

Our anger only serves to inslave us.  I you are not in control of it, it will consume you, you are a slave to it, it is your master.  Lets not serve this grotesque idol.  Instead we should put all our faith in our one true Master-Jesus Christ.  Give over to him these things that would rule over us.  He will put them under foot.

I like very much what Darren said about "no one being able to make you smile, laugh, or anger" --very wise indeed.

Matt, sorry if I ignored you in my little rant.  I have no worries when it comes to your anger issues-cause I don't percieve you as having any (none that can't be tempered anyway).  But how long did it take you to get to where you are in your walk with Christ?  These things don't happen over night (in my case 10 long years and counting still), it's a maturation process.

Alex, Brother, I have no doubts you can handle this if you ask Christ for help.  He will help you, He will give you the strength and patientce needed to overcome.  I am continually amazed at the overwhelming gift of knowledge He has given you at such a young age.

In His Grace,
Jackson

[seminole]

anger and hate can take us down. Way down. It is hard to swallow pride and make apologies but in the long run you'll be better off.

[lilitalienboi16]

Hey all, ty for the great replies.

To update you on my situation, my hand still hurts like no other, i think its healing wrong lol, i havn't seen a doctor yet and it was swollen to the size of a goose egg.

I have apoligized to my mother, and told her she was right for what she did, and i was in the wrong. Now i have to apoligize to jacqueline - That will be the hard part.

Thank you all and God bless,

Alex

[GODSown1]

OrsuM! Alex,
               Praise GOD dude, um! id say once urVe apoligized 2 da X, ur finger will Heal gud lol! .
               muchLOVE!! Pera

[lilitalienboi16]

OrsuM! Alex,
               Praise GOD dude, um! id say once urVe apoligized 2 da X, ur finger will Heal gud lol! .
               muchLOVE!! Pera

haha honestly, lol.

[hebrewroots98]

Good thread guys!

I think that the worst kind of anger is the anger to where one internalizes it and then one becomes your own worst enemy.  I used to have quite a bit of anger and I wasn't sure where it all came from at the time, but, I  turned it onto myself and internalized it instead of taking it out on someone else whom I was angry with.  Anger is toxic thinking and living for sure.  

I had been so angry and frustrated that I became so anorexic at one point as a teenager, that you could wrap your forefinger and thumb together and that was the size of my upper arm for a nearly 6ft teenager!  Again... do not internalize your anger; it will only hurt you in the longrun.  I have come a long way since then, thank God, (lol), now I have the opposite problem...I tend to eat my anger and frustrations at times.  

As I said, I am better than before, but I can always do better; we just must  be  aware and to avoid those things that trigger us to sin in our anger.  At times I still I have my moments of short outbursts of anger, and then I must always repent and apologize.   It s something that can dominate the flesh if you let it!  However, it is devastating to either yourself or to the person that is the brunt of it....As a teen and young adult, I always taught that to be angry was a sin and so I never knew how to properly be angry and it nearly destroyed me!!!  There are the extremes with anger and it is OK to be angry just as Yeshua was, as long as we don't sin in our anger. I still have to work at putting my flesh down at times, and sometimes I fail, but we must never give up in our growth in this area.  

A family member died a very early life b/c he had a heart attack all b/c he was angry that God took away his wife and mother of his 3 boys and he was left to have to do all of the rearing of them, and he hated god for taking away the love of his life too.  I think that a biblical anger management courses is a good thing for those struggling to keep it under control.

Matt, I must compliment you on my observation of how your posts seem to have changed into being much more positive, just in the past 8 months since I have been a member here on the forum.  It seems that you were gone there for a couple of months and when you came back you seem to have found much more peace and contentment and joy in your life, I love to see that.

That is great advice to Alex, Pera!  lol

[GODSown1]

Alex! lol!,
           WelL from ma Heart! Honest az can b dude .
           muchLOVE!! Pera

[skydreamers]

Alex,  are you experiencing unrequited love from your ex-girlfriend Jacqueline?? Is that where your anger stems??  Lil' bro, you're in good company if so, because the Savior is showing you something of what He goes through daily....seeking after a lover that rejects him constantly...yes our Jesus will win His bride in the end, but what agony in the meantime...

God teaches us in so many ways...

Much luv to ya brutha,
Diana

[Chris R]

Great Topic!

What does hate do to us?..It consumes us! When God removes this hate...I cant tell you in words how this changes your life!

Wishing eternal flames on billions of men women and children will destroy you, it is one of the most destructive things ever hatched in the minds of men.

All i can say is..thank you God, for bringing me to this site!

Peace

Chris R

[jackson]

Alex,  are you experiencing unrequited love from your ex-girlfriend Jacqueline?? Is that where your anger stems??  Lil' bro, you're in good company if so, because the Savior is showing you something of what He goes through daily....seeking after a lover that rejects him constantly...yes our Jesus will win His bride in the end, but what agony in the meantime...

God teaches us in so many ways...

Much luv to ya brutha,
Diana

Wow Diana, great observation!!!

I think that may be the ultimate truth to this discussion.

Jackson

[lilitalienboi16]

Alex,  are you experiencing unrequited love from your ex-girlfriend Jacqueline?? Is that where your anger stems??  Lil' bro, you're in good company if so, because the Savior is showing you something of what He goes through daily....seeking after a lover that rejects him constantly...yes our Jesus will win His bride in the end, but what agony in the meantime...

God teaches us in so many ways...

Much luv to ya brutha,
Diana

I'm not sure what 'unrequited' love means, but i have a feeling it means 'when you love someone so much, but they don't love you one bit back' =[

If thats what it means, then you hit the nail right in the head. A while ago, i think a year and a half ago or two i wrote in the off topic forums what i was going through, and it had to do exactly with this, the girl of my dreams had broken my heart, and to this day she won't even throw me a bone, yet i love her so deeply. She wounds me the most, and it hurts the most because she means the most to me out of anyone i know. She doesn't even know it anymore, we went from bieng so close, to being a mile apart, yet the Lord tells me that it will be okay, and He is with me, and i ask how can this be? I can't see the Lords promise right now, i feel like abraham, when He was promised a son and not bieng able to see how the Lord could fullfill that promise, it seemed so impossible. So does this.

I called her not to long ago today, she didn't pick up, so i left her a voicemail with a sincere heartfelt apology.

If anything, i now realize what our Lord goes through everyday, giving so much love, and not bieng able to feel any in return.

The pain and agony He must go through everyday.

I've become so hardened because of all this, its been 2 years now since we were last together and my love for her burns strong still, just buried beneath the monster i have become because of the tremendous pain.

Rather then drawing closer to the Lord through all this, i was hardened and fell away.

Let the beast within be revealed, let the pain come, let him reach his full potential, so that he might be destroyed by Christ, i can only pray.

Thank you for your insight and wisdom, all of you.

Love in Christ,

Alex

[mari_et_pere]

But how long did it take you to get to where you are in your walk with Christ?  These things don't happen over night (in my case 10 long years and counting still), it's a maturation process.

Well I'm not sure how to answer that, because I was attending my christian school starting at age 4, so I don't know. I didn't get real serious until my adult years I guess, but I always believed, even when I was basically doing nothing but absorbing and turning out evil every day.

Matt, I must compliment you on my observation of how your posts seem to have changed into being much more positive, just in the past 8 months since I have been a member here on the forum.  It seems that you were gone there for a couple of months and when you came back you seem to have found much more peace and contentment and joy in your life, I love to see that.

Thank you so much for saying that! I was gone for more like a year or more, although you may not remember me from back then. I came back and yeah, was gone for a few months. But I really appreciate that! Quite a compliment when others can see what you feel. Know what I mean? 

Thanks to you both!

Matt

[mari_et_pere]

Hey Alex,

Just thought I'd let you know that I totally understand your feelings toward Jaqueline. I had a girlfriend years ago, and blah blah blah at the end I was without her, but of course she wanted to stay friends, which is worse than slicing your chest open with a dull bread knife and pulling your heart out with a rusty pair of pliers. Right?

So eventually I got over the fact that she didn't want to be with me because apparently there was someone else better (couldn't blame her) and also the fact that she wanted to stay friends (so she could have a backup plan perhaps?)

Another eventually later I met my wife and that girl from the past? She's off somewhere fulfilling God's will wether she knows it or not. (and I'd bet she knows not.)

Basically I'm saying keep your chin up dude.

Matt

[YellowStone]

Hi Alex,

I'm not sure if there is a biblical connection to what I am about to say, but if anyone knows of one, pleasepost it.

I have learned that love is not about holding on, but letting go. Holding on to love is like binding loves wings; love also needs no scales, for it cannot be weighed, love is. Neither does love need Jaquline to love you, in order for you to love her. By all means, love her, but let her go, and if she comes back, then loved shared was meant to be, otherwise your love is free. 

I have been where you are my friend.

Love Darren

[Deborah-Leigh]

We are born to learn to love and be loved.

Through the hurts of rejection, misunderstanding, abuse, unforgiveness, sorrow, loneliness, lust, pain and deception, we finally learn that love is God and not our spouse, girl friend, boy friend or close associations.

Intimacy, trust, faithfullness, joy and ecstasy are His gifts operating through our imperfect and flawed relationships to one another.

At 50 years old I am so grateful that I have come past the jealousy, infidelity of youthful wandering eyes and hearts and the uncertainty that temptation offers the immature hearts on a quest for perfection. Only God is perfect. He is Spirit and that for me is what Love is. The expression of Gods nature through His vessels as He makes them for His purposes.

You asked for a scripture Darren. The one that comes to mind is perhaps one that is real for those who have suffered the trials and tests of preparation to know that what Paul expresses is true of Love and of God. 

1 Cor 13 : If I can speak in the tongues of men and even of angels, but have not love, that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such as is INSPIRED BY GOD'S LOVE for and in us, I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2. And if I have prophetic powers, the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose, and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have sufficient faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love GOD'S LOVE IN ME, I am nothing, a useless nobody. 3. Even if I dole out all that I have to the poor in providing food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or in order that I MAY GLORY, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4. Love endures long and is patient and kind, love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. 5 It is not conceited, arrogant and inflated with pride, it is not rude and does not act unbecomingly. Love, GOD'S LOVE IN US  does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touch or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it. 6. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. 7. Love bears up  under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadless under all circumstances, and it endures everything without weakening. 8. Love never fails, never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end. As for prophecy, the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose, it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away, it will lose its value and be superseded by truth. 9. For knowledge is fragmentary, incomplete and imperfect, and our prophecy, our teaching is fragmentary, incomplete and imperfect. 10. But when the complete and perfect comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away, become antiquated, void and superseded. ....13. So faith, hope, love abide, faith - conviction and belief respecting man's relation to God and divine things; hope - joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love - true affection for God and man, growing out of God's love for and in us; these three; but the greatest of these is Love.....

and is there a better way to describe the nature of our God?

Peace be to you

Arcturus