I need your prayers

[lilitalienboi16]

Hello, i'm on the brink of going insane right now, and i honostly need all the prayer i can get.. maybe God will hear you over me, because i certainly don't even deserve to talk to Him.

My mind is on the brink of like exploding, the realization of utter hopelessness without Him, the ability to see my efforts are useless without His strength, and the want to follow him, but the UNABILITY to do a darn thing about makeing one little step towards Him has driven me mad. I truly feel like my mind is about the explode. I Just can't, with all my will and strength and all the power vested in me [which is absolutely nothing as i see it] i am unable to do one good thing.

I don't like what is happening to me, i hate who i am becoming, and yet i cannot change it. I honostly feel like i'm going insane, i hate not haveing controle, i fear not haveing controle, but its not me that fears at all? WHAT? Yes thats right, there is like 2 alex's. The one that wants to stop sinning, and the one that ENJOYS IT. AHHHHHHHH WHAT? How can that be? I DONT WANT TO SIN, and YET I SIN! I ENJOY IT, BUT THEN I HATE IT!

I just... i don't know what is going on wiht me, something i can't controle, and it frightens me, i'm going down the wrong path, and i don't want to, i apply the brakes, the car that is my life screeches, but the car just won't stop! I cry out, and i cry out! Deliverance, i need it, deliver me oh Lord, and nothing..., nothing because the screeching of that speeding car blocks out all the sound, drowns it out, until there is nothing i can hear but those breaks struggling to stop but completley unable to.

I really just need your prayers.. i know this sounds all wierd, and 'oh alex it's not a big deal,' but it really is. Does anyone know what it feels like to be on the verge of looseing your mind? Yes i'm sure some of you do, and all this is because i can't do what i want to do, and i can't stop wanting what i don't want to want any longer.

It's scary when you realize, it's gonna take divine influence upon your heart to turn this reck around, and yet.. you know theres nothing you can do, to recieve that influence, or to make you worthy of it. Theres absolutely nothing, not one thing. No man, no power on earth, that could make you deserving of His grace to change you and conform you to the image of His Son. And all the while, you are left, watching yourself as you head for that reck, that seems so avoidable, and yet nothing can be done to avoid it.

I guess i'm just realy scared, seeing how God has not intervened and not given me power over this this sin that i just cannot stop repeating it , despite how much i hate it and want to stop, it makes me afraid, because i feel that since God hasn't intervened yet... that he never will..

please pray for me.

Thank you and i hope GOd gives me the strength to atleeast pray for you all, because you all deserve it.

I can still love [thank God heh..], so that i will do.. i love you all

Alex

[D Student]

Alex, check your messages.

[rk12201960]

Hiya Alex,
It seems to me you love God more than your sin. Don't worry its something we all  in counter in our journey.
Is God showing you that you are naked? Does it feel weird, odd or down right wrong?
Fire isn't warm it burns.  Can you feel the flames?
PSALM 24------------------
THE LORD IS MY SHEPERD; i SHALL NOT WANT
HE MAKES ME TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES
HE LEADS ME BESIDE THE STILL WATERS HE RESTORES MY SOUL;
HE LEADS ME IN THE PATHS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS
FOR HIS NAME'S SAKE.
YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLY OF"THE SHADOW OF DEATH
I WILL FEAR NO EVIL;
FOR YOU ARE WITH ME;
YOUR ROD AND YOUR STAFF, THEY COMFORT ME.
YOU "PREPARE A TABLE BEFORE ME IN THE PRESENCE OR MY ENEMIES {SIN}
YOU ANOINT MY HEAD WITH OIL;
MY CUP RUNS OVER.
SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY SHALL FOLLOW ME
ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE;
AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD
FOREVER.
Trust God its what he is teaching you. Your sin or mine or anybodies is NOT greater than God.
Drop that load ( self dependence) pick up your cross and lets go little bro, its all a part of God purging you!I WILL pray for you, but its your understanding that God is molding I just pray you catch it fast as this kind spanking really hurts.

Your are not alone in your sin, Jesus has already beat it on the cross.
God bless little bro.

Randy

[Craig]

Alex, Don't be so hard on yourself.

You are in good company with all of us here, and the apostle Paul.

Rom 7  NLT
15 I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

Craig

[Kat]

Hi Alex,

You are having your eyes opened, I can see that in the words you post here.  God has seen fit to open your eyes at a young age, but who knows how many years any of us have, as Christ may return soon.
Whatever your experience in this life is, it is God shaping and molding you.

Pro 16:9  A man's heart plans his way, but Jehovah directs his steps.

I think you are seeking Him, just continue to do so and I'll be praying for you.

Mat 11:28  Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
v. 29  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
v.30  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[pylady]

Hi Alex,

  Rev2:10  "Fear none of those thing which thou shalt suffer: behold the
               devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and
                ye shall have tribulation ten days; be thou faithful unto death and
                I will give you the crown of life."

Often our lives feel like a prison from which we want to escape (our carnal
nature) but we can't see the way out.   It sounds like you feel that way now.  Jesus said we would have tribulation for ten days - our whole lives in the flesh, but we should fear not. 

God's burning fire can and will burn these things out of you.  It hurts, it torments us.  The beast doesn't give up easily.  The scriptures describe it as a great battle.  But we know that God will win.  It is HIS WILL for us. 

The world gives us problems, but the greatest battle is in our minds and hearts.
Don't expect to be perfect now.  Want to be, pray for Him to help you be pleasing to Him.  But know that when you fall it too is part of the process of cleansing of our hearts.

Alex, it is so wonderful to see such a young man know and desire such spiritual truths.  God has truly blessed you.  Worldly pulls and fleshly desires are very, very strong when we are young.  They do tend to dull alittle as we grow older.

You are right when you sy your will and strength is absolutely nothing; and you are unable to do one good thing.  The point is He will do it in us of His power.
We must experience evil if we are to know and love good.  He will bring you out of it.  TRUST TRUST TRUST in His strength, and pray constantly.  And don't beat yourself up so badly when you fail, just keep praying.  I know when we fall we feel so ashamed, and think He has turned away from us.  But He NEVER abandons His children.  He sees your heart, and knows you want to do right, even if your flesh overpowers you sometimes.

My prayers are  for you to remain steadfast, and also that He will give you some relief from these things that are tormenting you.

Your sister in Christ,

             Cindy
               

[dawnnnny]

{{{{{{{ Alex }}}}}}}}}

Great words of advice here.  All I can add, that I feel led to say, is to take one day at a time.  I have big sins in my life also, and sometimes looking at the sin, we see it as so HUGE.  I personally think of the WHOLE process of God taking it away from me, and it feels so overwhelming        so try to take just ONE DAY AT A TIME  --- I know that's difficult, but when you wake up, thank Him for today because that is all you have right NOW.  Just focus on today, not tomorrow.  Growing takes time and we fall a lot, but we do grow even if it seems very slow most of the time. 
I will be praying for you!
Much Love,
Dawn

[bambam]

Alex,
   Much love and hugs to you!   You are not alone!  I sometimes think that I am never going to change, then when I least expect it-I am not struggling as much or at all with some certain thing I used to struggle with.  Dawn is right-one day at a time.  I have come to learn that and I hope that you can come to wait one day at a time too for God's work to be done in you, as it will be done in everyone.  Blessings to you-keep your chin up! 

In Christ's love,
Beth   

[javajoe]

Hi Alex,

Your post just caught my attention.  The way you feel is the way I feel TOO many times myself!  I have this BIG sin I have to fight all the time too (and I am 50!).  From talking to various people over the years, I think we all do.  Some people call this your "besetting sin".  I know we can't fight it in our own strength, it is ALL by the grace of God - God working in us.   

Scripture says,

Philippians 2:13  for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

The fact that you are so upset about it is a good sign that God is working in you!  ,

Sounds like God is doing some pruning, and I know it is painful!  Trust me, I know.

Remember, we are overcomers!  We haven't overcome yet, it is a process, and don't be so hard on yourself!!.

  Well, I'm not very good with words - I hope I helped a little.  I will pray for you, and others, I know will join me.

Peace of Christ with you!

Joe

[DuluthGA]

Hi Alex... awesome thoughts from everyone big time, all so good.  I pray especially for you tonight.

I thought about you describing your feeling as being "out of control" and I would like to pass a neat analogy on to you that may be helpful.  It is not my idea, but I heard it from a cool BT forum friend in a conversation.  The conversation was about 'free will' but I think the idea will be good to apply to your situation as well. 

I too often find myself sort of 'swimming' in spiritual and theological thoughts and concepts and need to grab ahold of a good ol' ANALOGY to ground me, so here goes:

Consider a straw.  One end is the beginning of your life, the other end is the end of your life.  The tube contains your life in the process.  You are ping-ponging around in there, making choices, going up and down, this way and that, and you keep going further along toward the end of the tube.  I think this is cool because as an individual life, we are each predestined to go through our own 'tube.'  It is obvious God is in control of it because after all, we don't get outside the 'tube' meant for us as HE CAUSES AND CONTROLS IT ALL.  So you "see" dear forum friend, there's not too much to fret too seriously and gravely about.  It's part of His process. 

Also remember that, per Peter, we are appointed to suffer.  That is definitely part of the picture from now on out.... til the end of the straw.  Not suffer constantly or indefinitely.  The principles of His cross are suffering/death and resurrection.  You will in effect throughout the rest of your life go through these cycles, up and down, live and learn, crappy times and better times, etc. 

Be on the look out for my upcoming scriptural theme paper [no preaching just verses] on all the many many verses in the N.T. about suffering, trials, tribulations, cross carrying, etc.  No church in Babylon would EVER put together a sermon based on these many many verses yet they are truly HOME to us all.

May His peace be with you soon, 
Janice

[lilitalienboi16]

I wanted to thank all of you, each and everyone of you, you guys are so great to me, and i don't know if i've ever done anything for any of you in return. You are all great examples of God's love and the unity of His spirit.

Everyone of you, with your words of encouragement, and scripture have uplifted my lowly spirit. You have given me that hope i forgot about, that God truly does love me!

Words can't express how i feel, knowing that i have such a great family that is praying for me. I just can't put it into words.

Thank you again and Lord willing, i may pray for you, i know i am not alone in these struggles, and that you all, are struggling also.

Love in Christ,

Alex

[SandyFla]

Dear Alex,

Please don't allow the enemy to trick you into thinking you are not worthy to pray. You are God's dear, precious child and He loves you more than you can know. After all the sins that King David committed (adultery with Bathsheba's wife, having her husband put to death), as did Saul (persecuting and killing Christians), they both knew that they could still cry out to God for forgiveness and cleansing.

None of us is worthy in ourselves to come to God for anything. It is only through Jesus that we are worthy. It's all through Him.

I don't know all the reasons why God is allowing you to struggle with this sin. But I do know that He won't give us more than we can bear - I'm having to learn that myself right now.

I pray that God will wrap His arms around and let you feel His love, until you know without a doubt that you can come to Him any time, anywhere, with anything. He will never cast you out, and He will never leave nor forsake you.

Love and peace to you,
Sandy

[brandon h]

Alex,

You know I don't know how old you are, but from what I gather you are a young man. Which is good for me. I'm 26 years old and have been around. So we relate. Whatever sin you struggle with is always mindful of our Lord. HE even knows you are on the brink of losing your mind. And maybe tha's the point. Your losing YOUR mind, preparing to put on his. This is therapudic for me as well. I can wake up, ready to receive Christ's coming in a fresh new way for the day, ready to discover more on being a son of God, and by mid day I'm in a funk with all these thoughts and battles in my mind taking over.  But the blessed hope is that Christ does come to us daily! New! We just need to be sensitive to what manner he is coming to us. I'm learning, as I'm sure we all are. But being young and full of zeal for God while battling with the flesh is the toughest thing I've faced in my life. But let us remember to put our yoke upon him who desires to bear it. Thank you Alex. Talking to you has helped me. And through all of our struggles, let us always remeber the important things. He sees you. He loves you. And remember, It's His faith we rely on. Not ours. I'm praying for you, brother.

" For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.
" Let us therefore come bodly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need".                Heb 4 15-16

[Deborah-Leigh]

Alex

I believe I have experienced that fire you are in. It brought me to recognition that I was hopless, without strength or goodness.

I was an avid Catholic and Minister of the Word at the time that I was experiencing my inability to be pure and holy perfect and above sin. All this took a turn after I went to confession with much the same case as you present and the Priest refused to forgive me.  Well that caused a dispute I can tell you! Right there in the Confession Box!  I retorted that if I were to go outside the Church be hit by a bus and die, then I would go to Hell would I? And THAT because the Priest had not given me absolution! So it would be the Priest's fault!

The end of the dispute resulted in a most grudging agreement to give me forgiveness! I never went back to the Catholic Church after that!

I had no idea then that my weakness would turn to strength after that and I would be delivered from my weakness in the particular area I was grievously suffering. Little by little I grew away from self reliance.

I hope this testimony helps you to know that with God, all our trials and weakness He can use not in vain but to His Glory and Praise. God is not a respecter of persons and this He will do for everyone in His perfect time and place.

Peace be to you brother

Arcturus

[skydreamers]

Alex, you've received some beautiful and encouraging words here.  All I can say is, you are in my prayers...hang in there.  We are all going through a season of night, but joy comes in the morning.

Peace and love,
Diana

[GODSown1]

Hey little brother,
                     Take all d@ is said 2 U my brother I cnt add much more but! 4 U 2 b in my Prays!! & just 2 say I LOVE! U! brother so so much!, U lift me up & U dont even no it, so how many others do U lift??, Brother I Pray our FATHER brings U Great! strength & comfort, & remember lil bO, "The Fight Has Already Been WON!!", PRAISE the LORD!, Peace 2 U lil bO, Jus no U hav so much 2 offer, dis is Y I believe ur eyes & ears r Opened 2 des Great TRUTHS!, be Strong!!
                      much muchLOVE!! Pera

[Sue Creamer]

Alex,

Not much more I can say that would lift your spirit.  I do know that as God draws us closer to him and
reveals more and more truth to us, an odd thing happens.  Instead of seeing less sin in ourselves, we see MORE sin!!!!  It's not that we accrue more sin, but as we seek God's will in our lives, we see other sins that have always been with us !!!  Also, God has not yet just "zapped" one of my sins without much 
"angst" on my part...!   God wants us to be disgusted with our sins (the process of repentance) and in God's time he works within each of us individually to remove sin through his power. 

We are all the same Alex, we all have pain caused by the beast in us...it is meant to be, know God is nigh at all times and very much in control.  What an awesome God he is......!!   

Peace
Sue Ann

     

[lilitalienboi16]

Hello again all, and thanks for you the kind words and prayers. You have all played an important role in reminding me of the truths that i seem to forget when i'm tangled up in the moment.

You have also displayed how loveing you all are, and that all of you too, suffer as i do in quietness. I admire allof you. Those who are suffering and struggling, and yet find the time and strength to pray for others and care for them, laying aside their own burdens to cary a fellow brother or sister's truly brings me in aw of God's mighty power and works in all of us.

Thank you for this. I am truly humbled and in great thanks.

The struggle continues, but now with a greater hope =]

God bless you all and my prayers are always with you all.

Love in Christ,

Alex

[UncleBeau]

Hey Alex, I didn't read all of your replies yet, so forgive me if I repeat anything someone else said. I'm not much for talking about problems as much as suggesting solutions.Even though God leads us in different ways, He leads us all to the same end. I realize enduring hardships is the most tedious of chores we have to go through in life but in my life, He showed me that the more I endured because of Him, the better I became in the longrun for things that really mattered in the future.
One thing that always brought me back into the habit of sinning had a lot to do with the company I kept. If I stopped doing drugs, all of my friends did drugs, so I kept doing it because I was around it all the time and the temptation got the best of me each and every time.
Just remember the reason why you're still sinning is because God still has a purpose for you that's on it's way into being fulfilled. No one knows what that purpose is, but when God shows you brother, it's gonna blow your mind. Remember that your circumstances are necessary for God to show you what He's going to show you, but they're also only temporary; so be patient, and I pray that your process to be completely free from sin doesn't take too long.

Your friend,

-Beau

[iris]

You will be in my prayers.


Peace and Love
Iris