I am in a relationship with a church going christian

[decas247]

Hi

all i am new to this forum so please forgive my trying to get the hang of it. i am writing this because i really don't know what to do, i have been with my boyfriend since February this year and everything is fine with him he is kind and loving, but lately we have been having heated debates about god and our beliefs and it seems like he is trying to prove me wrong whenever i discuss rays teachings with him, i have cried many times at the end of are heated discussions as he has told me that i need to go to church and read the bible from beginning to end as i am just following rays opinions. i take him to the bible truths website but he never wants to sit down for himself and go through the site, but he likes to criticize me for using the site, as he feels i just need to read the bible from beginning to end and that is all i need, not rays sight.

so i am feeling down as i cannot express myself freely with him in this area and he wants me to come to church with him. he also wants us to get married and i felt i could marry him but i don't know if that's such a good idea now as we cannot agree, he also says he will speak to my parents about my beliefs and see what they will say about it. so i need some advice please .

from your sister in Christ

God Bless   

[sonofone]

Hi Decas, I just read your post and really want to help. In reading your post I immediately have strong opinions as to what you should do. I would like to know a little more about you before I voice an opinion to you. How ling has it been since you have been in relationship in Christ? How mature is your faith? How old are you? You say you've been dating since February,and are talking about marriage? The questions are necessary background information to make sure I speak a relevant word into your life. Right back.

[Kat]

Hi Selina,

Well maybe you should ask your boyfriend, why does he want you to get the church's opinion instead of Ray's?  Why don't you both compare who has the most Bible based 'opinions.' 
You should find one of the things that you and he disagree on that Ray teaches and get the scriptures that Ray shows to prove his opinion and stand behind what the scripture says, in you discussion with your boyfriend.  Do not talk up Ray or Bible-truths to your boyfriend, but stand on the scripture.  Continue to find the scriptures to back up your differences on point after point.  Write it down if you can't remember it. 

He wants you to do what he sees as right and is willing to causes you a lot of stress in order to do so, as you said, i have cried many times at the end of are heated discussions.  And he is even willing to go over your head to your parents, to try a get his way, not a good sign of respect for your opinion.  He thinks his being right is more important than your feelings?  A difference in beliefs is a very important factor in a relationship.  You need to seriously reconsider whether you want to married a man who is already standing strongly against what you believe.
This is my 'opinion' as to how I see your situation, I hope it helps 

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[Bradigans]

Well, all I have is THE WORD. I hope this doesn't get me in trouble. John 16:13 - Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.I believe your boyfriend is right about certain things, and wrong about certain things. But the thing is, you have got to follow your heart. Proverbs 20:27 - The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD. God's Holy Spirit is going to lead guide and direct you through your heart (spirit). Don't be afraid to follow (2 Timothy 1:7, Matthew 10:37-38). Again, if you're in THE WORD (2 Timothy 2:15) and you feel comfortable at Ray's site then that's where you should be.

IN HIS LOVE   

[dawnnnny]

Hi Selina,

Great advice here for you.  I just wanted to add that my son is the same as your boyfriend.  He says that the ONLY thing you should ever read is God's Word and nothing else.  These people don't understand that going to church every Sunday and listening to a "sermon" by their pastor is the SAME thing as reading a website or a book written by a man of God.  For both, you need to discern whether he truly is a man of God who is speaking TRUTH.  AND for that you NEED THE WORD ONLY.

That is what impresses me about Bible Truths - is that Ray uses more scripture than anything else.  I wonder if your boyfriend (or yourself) go home after Sunday services and dig into the word to see if what that pastor taught was scriptural?  Most don't.  Most assume that the pastor is 100% right.  I used to be like that      BUT I'm not anymore 

Personally, I would suggest you do your own studies and avoid confrontation with your boyfriend, it serves no purpose.  And I agree, please don't rush into marriage until (and if) you feel God is leading you in that direction.

I will pray for you!

Much love,
Dawn

[LittleBear]

I have to agree with the advice about not rushing into marriage. If you are serious about your beliefs, and your boyfriend is pressuring you to change even to go to your parents, this area in your married life will be a big area of contention. Marriage is difficult enough. He is supposed to be trying to impress you right now...

Ursula

[YellowRose]

Hi, Selina.  I am so moved by your post.  I, too, once faced the dilemma you are in and I understand the intensity of the emotions you must be feeling from this whole situation.   It is a very difficult thing to find yourself called by God to understand and believe His Truths while at the same time suffering the criticisms and rejections of those Truths by a person whom you hold so dearly in your heart.  I don't know the specific circumstance(s) that caused you to find Ray Smith's website but I KNOW that God intended for you to do so, so please have peace about that.  I don't know why you and your boyfriend are debating spiritual issues but there is a debate going on and you are left in tears afterwards.  I know that experience well, too, dear Selina.  Please understand that not everyone is given the gift of spiritual discernment and it is possible that you have been given that priceless gift and your boyfriend has not.  Jesus speaks of spiritual discernment over and over again in Revelation: 

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.  Revelation 2:7;

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes will not be hurt at all by the second death. Revelation 2:11;

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.  Revelation 2:17;

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.  Revelation 2:29;

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. Revelation 3:6;

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. Revelation 3:13; and

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.  Revelation 3:22

Perhaps you have been given an ear to hear and your boyfriend has not?  Most of Christendom does not hear what the Spirit says.  As it is written: "God gave them a spirit of stupor, eyes so that they could not see and ears so that they could not hear, to this very day."   Romans 11:8.  Ray Smith's teachings are filled with scriptural counsel on the issue of spiritual discernment and I encourage you to continue to read and learn what the Spirit has to say to you about it. 

Either God gives your boyfriend spiritual discernment or He doesn't.  I am concerned about the pressure your boyfriend is putting on you now, at this stage in your relationship, and I have the same concerns that others here have expressed about that.  I think spiritual discernment is a very important issue between you two and it is bringing to the surface other important issues, including what appears to be his disrespect of you and his bullying of you, that you really should consider.  You have to face whatever the truth is about all of that, too, and deal with it according to how God leads you to deal with it.  Please take heart and know that no matter how excruciating your situation may seem, it is absolutely God's Perfect Plan and Good Purpose for you.  In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.   1 Peter 1:6-9

Please continue to seek His Counsel, through prayer, reading the Bible and studying Ray's teachings.  And please stay in touch with us and let us know how you are doing.

You are in my prayers.

In His Service,

Cathy

[Bradigans]

Amos 3:3 says - Can two walk together, except they be agreed?This verse puts it right where the rubber meets the road in shoe leather. I'm having a hard time getting this message across right now, so those in THE SPIRIT pray for me now. Matthew 10:37-38 says - He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.You should be seeking to be in agreement with Christ no matter what you have to lose. Because in Christ, you can't lose (1 Corinthians 15:57, 1 John 5:4, Revelation 15:2). Do whatever it takes to follow Christ.  Matthew 10:34-36 says - Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. Whatever you have to lose, count it but dung. Philippians 3:7-11 - But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ, and be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: that I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; if by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead. I underlined the I's because it's about how deep you want to go with Him. You'll be surprised of the estrangement you may have to suffer. But, count it all dung. Forget about political correctness and/or winning a popularity contest. We're in the world, but not of the world...

[YellowRose]

AMEN, Bradford! 

Good morning, Selina.  I came back to this post this morning to encourage you to read this particular teaching of Ray's: Lake of Fire, Part III, Judgment by Fire Must Begin at the House of God - http://bible-truths.com/lake3.html and to share this important scripture with you as you seek and consider God's Will in your circumstances:  Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Balaal?  What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?  For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch not the unclean thing, and I will receive you.  I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."  2 Corinthians 6:14-18.

May His Peace be with you always.

In His Service,

Cathy

[LittleBear]

Bradigans and Cathy,

Well put both of you!

Selina, you want to feel like this; not like this;

My belief in UR is not an issue between my husband and myself. He gives me the freedom to believe what I believe (I mean, I would do so anyway). And I give him the freedom to believe in his hell (which recently has been modified somewhat and is now not quite as damning as it once was). Do you want to go through life having to hide what you hold dear in your heart?

Love,

Ursula