things learned on the lighter side of life

[cjwood]

THINGS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1.)  no matter how hard you try you can't baptize cats.
2.)  when your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3.)  if your sister or brother hits you, don't hit them back because they always catch the 2nd one.
4.)  never ask your 3 yr. old brother to hold a tomato.
5.)  you can't trust your dog to watch your food.
6.)  don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7.)  never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
8.)  you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9.)  don't wear polka-dot undies with white shorts.
10.) the best place to be when your sad is grandma / grandpa's lap.

THINGS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1.)  raising teenages is like nailing jell-o to a tree.
2.)  wrinkles don't hurt.
3.)  families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4.)  today's mighty oak is yesterday's nut that held its' ground.
5.)  laughing is good exercise...like jogging on the inside.
6.)  middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

SOME TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1.)  growing up is mandatory, growing old is optional.
2.)  forget the health food, i can use all the perservatives i can get.
3.)  when you fall down, you might as well see what else you can do while your down there.
4.)  it's frustrating when you finally know the answers, but no one asks you the questions.
5.)  time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
6.)  wisdom may come with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1.)  you believe in santa claus.
2.)  you don't believe in santa claus.
3.)  you are santa claus.
4.)  you look like santa claus.

SUCCESS IS:
1.)  at age 4 success is...not wetting your pants.
2.)  at age 12 success is...having friends.
3.)  at age 16 success is...having a driver's license.
4.)  at age 35 success is...having money.
5.)  at age 50 success is...having money.
6.)  at age 70 success is...having a driver's license.
7.)  at age 75 success is...having friends.
8.)  at age 80 success is...not wetting your pants.
(as the adage goes, once an adult, twice a child).

[rjsurfs]

no matter how hard you try you can't baptize cats.

That's a good one!  Thanks Claudia!

[Matt]

I think nailing jello to a tree is easier than raising teens!

[Deborah-Leigh]

Brilliant Claudia

Thank you. Like proverbs of the 20th Century

[jER]

I am in the proximity of "...having money," but I must have misplaced it!     

Thanks for putting a smile on my face today,
JER

[cjwood]

glad to see others enjoyed them too. i especially loved the ones about teenagers being like jell-o, and not letting your mom brush your hair when she's mad at your dad.  smiles are nice...

joy in Him,
claudia

[cjwood]

Brilliant Claudia

Thank you. Like proverbs of the 20th Century

i was thinking about u the other day when i was watching s.a. play u.s.a. in futbol the other day. i had read your post regarding the fella who came into your meat shop.  i enjoyed that thread.

claudia

[Deborah-Leigh]

Funny, not funny ha ha but enchanting funny you should mention that.

Another person came to my shop. A lady with too many wrinkles for her age! She stood as dignifying as possible when she addressed me and said that she had been watching the cars for security purposes (lots of hijacking in SA... so this is a norm here.. ) anyway she had been watching the cars parked outside the Church she said and was asked to leave by the Church members! She said she was hungry and asked if I could give her something to eat. Immediately I thought, yes I can....and before I could think further she said she promised that she would never ask me again and that she would never come back....Well that assured me and without a moment I reached into my pie warmer and gave her a Pepper Steak Pie that was the closest one to selecting. I placed it into a packet and then the thought came to me to not give it to her grudgingly. So I smiled and offered it to her. She said with much appreciation may God Bless me and she really appreciated my smile towards her. She left and guess what....I FELT very HOLIER THAN THOU!

I sat down and thought that Jesus had worked this response through me and it had nothing to do with me. Then I struggled to understand and then I saw something. My motive was triggered by her saying that I would not see her again and she would not ask me again. So big deal...where was my charity. This convicting thought really made me see what a self deceived idiot I really am! It helped ALOT!

I am so grateful she came to my shop! It is so healthy to see oneself as one really is before the magisty of Christ who suffered and died for everyone. Jesus Christ would have and did through me, give her something but me....I am a self seeking self dependent blind woman learning to see and being blessed to see the Truth!

Glad you thought of me Claudia.

Peace be to you

Arcturus