what is a sister to do w/ drug addicted brothers? Prayers and advice needed...

[hebrewroots98]

Hello my dearest brethren (in this WHOLE WIDE WORLD!)  Please pray for me b/c I am burdened right now in learning that my two younger brothers have resorted to getting back onto drugs (again); I don't know if just pot or both pot and the hard stuff .  From what I had observed, both of them had been delivered for about the past two years; now I suspect that they are back on to the crank, crack,meth,ice and pot!  One brother was quoted as saying that he will 'NEVER give up pot for as long as he lives'...I know that I shouldn't be so disappointed, but after twenty eight years of my praying, assisting them with so much (I assisted only once they promised me that they would go to a rehab to get 'clean'), after taking them personally to several diff rehabs as well as being there for their support system that helped while they were in there, and them detoxing at my home several times, etc...), well, what do I do with my relationship with them?  (I do not want to be in the same house or them in mine, nor do I want them to be in my vehicle for fear that they might do something stupid like hide their drugs in those places and then I could get into trouble and possibly even have our son taken away .    Of course dh says to just leave them alone, but, if I were so addicted to drugs and had nothing to my name and lived as they are (and have been living for most of their lives), I think I would want someone to talk to and love me (and of course help me to furnish some comforts of life to them.  So, what should I do to show them that I still love them despite their ways ...when it is dangerous to have them around us?    Of course they are living in sin and are not reliable or accountable right now for even themselves....I understand that God has made vessels of honor and some of dishonor, so how are we to treat the dishonorable individuals?  I am sure that I am too emotionally close to them in order to see clearly on this right now ....Any input would be welcomed too.  Thank You!  
Susan

[Bradigans]

I would say don't be politically correct, but follow your heart. Remember, you're no one's saviour.

If your heart (Christ in you) is telling you to deal with them, deal with them. If your heart is telling you to cut them off, cut them off.

IN HIS LOVE

[Jackie Lee]

Hi Susan your situation sounds almost exact to my situation with my sister in 1996.
I finally had to just seperate myself entirely.
It was hard and family didn't/don't appreciate my stance but for my own sanity I had to do it.
She pretty cleaned me out on my credit cards, it was my fault but wanted to trust her and give her a new start.
She had to spend 4 years in federal prison, I loved her then and still do but in my case which was severe I had to no longer get involved.
I had to become hardened to her cause she was pulling me down, and put my life in danger.
I will pray God's will in this situation.

[Matt]

Hello Susan,
  I am very sorry to hear about this.
My older brother died because of drugs about 10 years ago.  As much as we loved him, we decided it was best for everyone, especially the kids, to keep him out of our lives.  He was welcome to participate in our family, but it had to be under our terms, not his. 
We were caught somewhere between unconditional and tough love.  It is a very hard place to be, but ultimately, after many years of frustration and heart ache, we had to do what was best for the rest of us.
He was draining us all, mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. 

I pray that your brothers stop eating with the swine, similar to the prodigal son, and your family "should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found."

Matt

[gmik]

Oh dear Susan, I am so sorry for this pain you are going thru!  I am also sorry that I have no advice to give!  I don't know what I would do.

You, dh, and Daniel will go thru it together so their input is important.  As Daniel is so young, he and his safety have to be #1.

You are a wise, big-hearted, gal.  I know you want to help them as much as you can.  You know scripture as good as anyone here and you have a walk w/ the Lord that you know you can depend on His leading by the Spirit.

Take a big deep breath and resolve to calmly follow common sense and the Spirit!

[hebrewroots98]

Thank you all for your kindness and understanding and sharing your personal experiences with me at this time; you have no idea what a help it has been!  This helps me to know that if they did die in their sad condition, that you all would be here for me to lean on! Tha means SO much to me...thank you!

Bradigans': thank you for the reminder; sometimes I forget that I am not responsible to save them!  I am leaning toward letting them go  (both are 40 and 41 yrs old!  They are not young and niave...they are just younger than I  (46.)

Matt, I am so sorry about your brother.  We as a family have done the same thing that your family went through to try to keep them in the family, and they just choose to go their own way without regard of any of the rest of our feelings, and we are so very close to doing the same...closing our doors unless they operate under our terms, which ai do not see happening.  They have worn all of us out w/ their lies.  Yes, it is finally time for this family to leave them to their own devices and move on...   Thank you for your prayers.

JackieLee, Yes, after 28 years now, it is definately time to seperate from them, even though I still love them.  Yes, we cannot let them put our lives in danger anymore...like you couldn't.  Thank you for your prayers, they are helping already

Gena, thank you so much for your sweet heart!  Oh, yes, you are right, dh has written them off about 25 yrs ago; Daniel is a very blessed child in that God has given him a spirit of discernment and a strong heart; but, it is time to protect him from such chaos and from any chances of them causing me to loose my only child!  I always took a chance that they would never do this to their nephew, but, now I have zero tolerance and zero trust for them (until of course, they show me different...which I doubt will happen; they have never known any other life as an adult; this is their comfort zone I guess.; whereas it would freak me out to have to live like they have...but, I do understand Gods' hand in their lives too.)

I guess that I just needed validated in my decision to give them over to satan
Yall are precious to me!
Blessings,
Susan

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hey Susan

I have just caught this thread. 11.17 pm SA time! Here is a brief response. Who said " Who is my mother? and who are My brothers?...Matt 12: 48 And stretching out His hand toward not only the twelve disciples but ALL HIS ADHERENTS, (including you and your husband!  ) He said, HERE are My mother and My brothers. For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother!....

Your family is not carnal dear Susan. It is spiritual!...It too has been a very difficult lesson in my life...and continues to be a struggle....

peace to you sister

Arcturus

[hebrewroots98]

Arc, please don't let me forget that; it seems that I forget this just at the wrong times, eh?  I know and value everyone of you here as my real and spiritual family, so please do not think that I don't, but, in talking with my blood family at times garbles up my mind....I guess old habits die hard (of calling my fleshly family my 'brothers')     ugh!

[gmik]

Arc, what a great reminder!

[Deborah-Leigh]

thanks G...and Susan isn't that the truth! Each time I get drawn into the seduction of my own carnality I seem to become comatose to the Truth and  forget! everything that I know!  It feels like I go into a wave of darkness and all light blinks out under the seduction and pull of the flesh! Carnality is a killer and its seductions are no trifle to overcome!

That saying "blood is thicker than water" does not mention that HIS Spirit is more powerful than flesh and blood and it really is by His Spirit that we are being dragged out of carnality. Also I do not think for a moment that you do not value us here as you are valued too Susan! So there! You too, remember that.

I have a blood relative who is my younger sister, who has been less than kind to me. The pull of Pagan traditions has for YEARS tugged on my heart and sense of self decency to send her acknowledgement of her existence at Christmas or Birthdays. I have simply had a very difficulty time overcoming the hold of my upbringing with regards to the practise of this hypocrisy. For goodness sakes! If you have no interest if I am alive or dead the whole year then why write greetings and goodwill to all mankind on the 25th December!? Well, this year I noticed that I did not feel bad or guilty or under any social obligations to pretend fellowship and so I did not send any greetings or receive any from her! Also there is no anger or resentment in my heart for her and that is so refreshing! She is just simply not my spiritual sister. It is quite a different ball game not being a hypocrite Her birthday is in March....I will see with fear and trembling what I will do then!

Peace to you sister

Arcturus

[hebrewroots98]

Arc, my family does that same thing...you don't hear from some of them unless it is your bday (MY blood sister did me this way in Sept when she called for my bday...which was very awkward, b/c as you said, you had'nt heard from her all year prior to then...plus she is living in sin with a RETIRED PREACHER   (but, you can't tell her that it is sin or that one NEVER RETIRES FROM THE LORDS'WORK!)  I have had similar situations happening with my family too.  I used to religously send cards and gifts to each and every familiy member on their bday  (as well as when I used to celebrate xmas), BUT,  I would be the one to stay in communication with them  So now and lately, I will send them a bday gift and I will get not even an  acknowledgement whatsoever from them, so I am slowly learning that they do not want any part of me, my communicatin and keeping in touch nor of my gifts and my cards anymore.   And now that I see that they want no part of me, then that just is a blessing in disguise b/c their silence toward me anymore makes it much easier for me to walk away than if they were not wanting me to go and I needed to get away from them anyway.  I guess we will only communicate when it is an absolute must anymore (like when someone goes into the hospital or dies .)  I don't mean that to sound harsh, but, there is NO unity of the spirit; infact it is the opposite, there is more friction due to the disunity; therefore I cannot allow myself nor them to try tomake me feel guilty anymore !  such is life; there is a price to pay a lot of times.

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hi Susan

I enjoyed what you said here quote :  there is more friction due to the disunity I at first read that as there is NO more friction due to the disunity! In my case this is the case!

Is it not a fact that communications with UN like minded persons brings up strife, dissention, dishonesty, deceit, pretence, assumptions, expectations and the need to  have to wear the mask of social niceties to FIT IN! Oh what a blessing that we have in Christ who says we need to COME OUT, leave behind our carnal attachments to carnal bondages that are indoctrinated into us to keep, idolise and preserve on the alter of hypocrisy! What a relief that God is able to drag some of us out and that we will all get out and be saved from this evil as God Himself has said in His Word and Gospel!

I am only NOW seeing how my own dear mother, who I loved so dearly, was so deceived and passed on her deceptive teachings in order that we (her children ) might survive the cruel world by joining it! It is so liberating and wonderful to now see how blind she really was. This was God's PLAN and wow it is so wonderful to be given repentance to come away from the deceptions she believed in. She was a Catholic. See what I mean

I believe all families regardless of religion,  begin with  carnal siblings and parents who are not our heavenly siblings or parents. First the physical you know!    It is such a blessing to realise the difference and be given the privilege of the Spirit of Christ leading to overcome the pull of guilt trips and emotional downers that are present to the carnal trap of belonging to its rules, expectations, demands, etiquette's and assumptions rather than to Christ who says you fools you snakes you hypocrites for you not have a mind intent on promoting what God wills, but WHAT PLEASES MEN, you are not on God's side but that of men. Mark 8 : 33

Repentance.

What a lesson! What a liberating lesson showing our carnal preferences for which I repent and desire to be free even more from! Not by my will or might but only by HIS Spirit

Peace to you sister

Arcturus

[hillsbororiver]

   Of course dh says to just leave them alone, but, if I were so addicted to drugs and had nothing to my name and lived as they are (and have been living for most of their lives), I think I would want someone to talk to and love me (and of course help me to furnish some comforts of life to them.  So, what should I do to show them that I still love them despite their ways ...when it is dangerous to have them around us?    

Hi Susan,

Admittedly I do not know much about your particular situation, are your brothers close by you? Do you interact often, who usually initiates contact?

What you said about "I think I would want someone to talk to and love me" is true, to a clear headed person. They are presently not clear headed though, I had a point in my life where drugs and living an "outlaw" existence were my only interests, I definitely did not want any straight "do gooder" telling me anything, I did not want to see the pained expression on a loved one's face as they saw what I was doing, how I was living my life at the time, I could not deal with it at all.

At that point in time I would lie about anything involving my circumstances hoping the topic would just go away and if I got called on one of my pathetic lies I would explode in anger and storm away. They have to come to a point where the lifestyle sickens them, one morning (probably more like one mid afternoon) I woke up, looked in the mirror (literally) and despised what I saw, what a waste of life, what a cockroach. Actually a cockroach served a better purpose than me at that time.

From what I have seen and experienced the only way people stuck in this pit crawl out is when they are motivated internally to crawl out, we can extend a hand to help but unless they are reaching to grab our hand it is an exercise in futility.

I think the advice we give folks who wonder how to spread the message of UR is also applicable in cases like this;

1Pe 3:15  But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:

Being patient and waiting for them to wake up one day and be sick and tired of the whole lifestyle may be all we can do, when they are ready to hear is the time to speak, otherwise all the good advice given will fall on deaf ears, any good intentioned help (such as $$$) will only feed their addiction. I know this from my own experience.

You all are in my prayers,

Joe
   

[Bradigans]

 - Matthew 7:16-20 - Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
- Galatians 5:19-21 - Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
- 1 Corinthians 15:33 - Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

If THE SPIRIT leads, then cut them off.

- John 15:1-2 - I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.

Are they at all in THE WORD?

- Luke 14:33 - So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.

Be willing to forsake all if it's going to hinder your relationship with Christ. It might be a mom, dad, brother, sister, daughter, son, pastor (Matthew 10:37). You've got to know whether or not something is interfering with your peace.

- Ephesians 4:30 - And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.

Don't seek expectations of others or to be politically correct with folks even if it means with folks at this forum. Seek Christ first and His will. You won't always be politically correct. Remember they called Him Beelzebub (Matthew 10:25)

[hebrewroots98]

Bradigans, yes, the spirit is leading me to cut them off right now.  I really have no other choice in the matter!  I must  protect my child from his uncles (my brothers) who are not protecting their nephew!  I guess the only time that I can help them is if and when they call and ask me to take them to a rehab once again.  (With Daniel not in the vehicle with them.)   I really am not one to care about the politically correct situation b/c I know that doing that will get one in trouble with you know who !


Joe, Thank you for sharing your personal experiences.  Yes, they are not clear headed right now.  No, we do not interact b/c they are living  basically one step away from skid row.  I have tried to get them to stay in contact with me, but, they, as you say, do not want others seeing them in this light, nor could they handle seeing from us the love and disappointment on our faces; so they do not call or come around (they live 3 hrs from me).  Only when they hit their lowest rock bottom do they call and ask for money (which we never do give them) and then they ask for a ride to a rehab(which we will do.)  Your council (from experience) is appreciated indeed!

Yes Arcturus, that was the only way that your mom knew and was lead to show her protection and love to you was by showing you the ways of the catholic church.  She did her best! and she loved her best by putting you kids there in that denomination.

Yeah, I guess I never noticed how there are NOT MANY families as a whole unit that have these wonderful truths; I know that the 3 of us here in West Texas are breaking that chain though..just like some of you here on BT's.

Thanks again for the input!

blessings and Shalom,
Susan

[DuluthGA]

My heartfelt prayers are with you and your family on this matter, Susan.

Bradigans, you comment is a worthy one and has a universal utility:

If your heart (Christ in you) is telling you to deal with them, deal with them. If your heart is telling you to cut them off, cut them off.

That's a keeper!  Plus, there are no worries or guilt in His Spirit; Our souls can rest there.

Janice

[hebrewroots98]

Thank you DuluthGA...there is rest (now) in the spirit (finally with these relationships Thanks for everyones responses, I am at peace.

[ez2u]

Susan thank you for sharing this with the forum.  The replies and full thread is very helpfull for many that are in such situations.  I would like to add to this excellent thread.  When Christ is at the center of your mind in all things balance comes in.  May we all continue are service in Him.  peggy

[hebrewroots98]

Thank you Peggy!