Actual letter [funny stuff]

[Chris R]

Dear Mr.  DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of  Environmental
Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on  the above
referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the  legal
landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized  activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the  outlet
stream of Spring Pond.


A permit must be issued prior to  the start of this type of activity. A
review of the Department's files  shows that no permits have been
issued. Therefore, the Department has  determined that this activity is in
violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes  and Streams, of the Natural
Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act  451 of the Public Acts of
1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of  the Pennsylvania Compiled
Laws, annotated.


The Department has  been informed that one or both of the dams
partially failed during a  recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
downstream locations. 


We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and  cannot
be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease  and desist all activities
at this location, and to restore the stream to a  free-flow condition
by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from  the stream
channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than  January 31,
2008. 

Please notify  this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a follow-up  site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure
to comply with this  request or any further unauthorized activity on
the site may result in  this case being referred for elevated
enforcement action.. We anticipate  and would appreciate your full cooperation in
this matter. Please feel  free to contact me at this office if you
have any questions. 

Sincerely,

David L. Price
District Representative and  Water Management Division.


Here is  the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: 


Re: DEQ  File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr.  Price,

Your certified letter dated 11/25/07 has been handed to me  to respond
to.
I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088  Dagget Lane,
Trout Run,Pennsylvania .

A couple of beavers are in  the (State unauthorized) process of
constructing and maintaining two wood  "debris" dams across the outlet stream
of my Spring Pond. While I did not  pay for, authorize, nor supervise
their dam project, I think they would be  highly offended that you call
their skillful use of natures building  materials "debris."

I would like to challenge your department to  attempt to emulate their
dam project any time and/or any place you choose.  I believe I can
safely state there is no way you could ever match their  dam skills, their
dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam  persistence, their
dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. 



These are the  beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request,
I do not think  the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a
dam permit prior to  the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to  you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond  Beavers, or

(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State  to conform to
said dam request?

If you are not discriminating  against these particular beavers,
through the Freedom of Information Act,  I request completed copies of all
those other applicable beaver dam  permits that have been issued.

(Perhaps we will see if there  really is a dam violation of Part 301,
Inland Lakes and Streams, of the  Natural Resource and Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 of the  Public Acts of 1994, being sections
324.30101 to 324.30113 of the  Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several concerns.  My first concern is, aren't the beavers
entitled to legal representation?  The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute and are unable to pay  for said representation -- so the State
will have to provide them with a  dam lawyer. The Department's dam
concern that either one or both of the  dams failed during a recent rain
event, causing flooding, is proof that  this is a natural occurrence,
which the Department is required to protect.  In other words, we should
leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than  harassing them and
calling them dam names.

If you want the stream  "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
contact the beavers -- but  if you are going to arrest them, they
obviously did not pay any attention  to your dam letter, they being unable
to read English.

In my  humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
their  unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
and water  flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live
and enjoy  Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
Environmental  Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the
natural resources  (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the  beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
referred for more  elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
1/31/2008? The  Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and
there will be no way  for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I  would like to bring to your attention to a real
environmental quality,  health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears
are actually  defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should
be persecuting  the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If
you are going to  investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears
are not careful  where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and  being unable to
contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending  this response to
your dam office.

THANK YOU,

RYAN DEVRIES 
& THE DAM BEAVERS

[Kat]

Hi Chris,

That whole dam bussiness was interesting 

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[musicman]

I knew that there were beavers involved before the return letter.  But that was the best dam letter that I have ever read.

[joyful1]

  ahahahahahaha!!!!

[Deborah-Leigh]

THAT is Godly integrity! Good for HIM! LOL

I just think that the Authorities might still be gunning for him and will be joining in the Bears activity. I hope they leave Mr Devries alone now after he so astutely exposed and refuted them.