the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

[winner08]

Hello everbody, first let me say that it wasn't until a few days ago when I realized how great you guys are. How truly loving people you are and caring. That being said I want to share a very deep dark secret in my life, and what I am about to go through in the coming days and weeks maby months.
I have chronic back pain from and injury some 10 yrs or so ago. I been on pain meds the whole time. Now i come to a point in my life where i am a slave to these pills. It is time to quit. I am terrified I know what I am instore for. terrible sickness and pain, it will be just like you have seen in the movies where a herion addict kicks the habit. Now I been through the early stages of this fight and I failed.  Now I am planning on it. I am trying to get myself mentally ready for this. needless to say it scares the hell out of me. Not only me but my family. My poor wife who has to watch me go through this. I know she is scared as or maby more than I am. MY poor mom, whom there is no more of a loving,caring mother than she. At least she wont be here to see here 1st son go through this ugly detoxification. These are the most power drugs known to man and my body and brain has been addict for yrs. I'm going to do this in my home in my room. Besides the agony of the withdraws there is also the worry of my BP, as I go through this my blood pressure will increase (higher) I do have bp meds that should keep this under control. On a lighter note One other reason I came to this decision is because of all of you. When I came here I had the F-it attitude.
after meeting you guys and learning through the months I came to really see a new way. I was reading and I came across a piece of  scripture it says that we (I) my body is the temple of God. If I truly believe in God and truly seek to Love God the way I should (all of my heart). Why would I want God to live in a polluted body (temple).He made this body and I am destroying it. When I died I don't want to die a junkie an addict. I want to die free. Free from bondage(that's good) a little humor. This is very hard to share very hard indeed. I have put all my trust and faith in God and in y'all and I must say all of you have earned my respect., ALL OF YOU. As you can tell I get emotional sometimes. Anyway I thank all of you ahead of time for your prayers and kindness and love. I will start my new journey tomorrow if it is Gods will and if I make it through It will be Gods will. So with little prayers and love I should be fine.
once this starts I probable wont get to speak to you guys for a while but I will be thinking about y'all.

My sincerest thanks,

Darren

Ps I wrote this and I have been re-reading it over and over asking my self do I really want these good people to know this about me? YES I need all the help I can get.

[Robin]

Darren,

Please discuss this with your doctor before you do this at home. Detox can be dangerous and being under medical care would be a good idea.

My prayers are with you as you go though this.

Hugs,
MG

[mharrell08]

This is a heartfelt testimony Darren and I pray God gives you the strength to endure. Your comments regarding how you can only come through this but by God's will is a testament to how you have grown in Christ; for these are the very words our Lord stated: 'Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.' [Lk 22:42].

Also, as I know you will lean to God during this great trial, I felt in my heart to tell you to remember John chapter 17:

1  These words spake Jesus, and lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, Father, the hour is come; glorify thy Son, that thy Son also may glorify thee:

2  As thou hast given him power over all flesh, that he should give eternal life to as many as thou hast given him.

3  And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.

4  I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.

5  And now, O Father, glorify thou me with thine own self with the glory which I had with thee before the world was.

6  I have manifested thy name unto the men which thou gavest me out of the world: thine they were, and thou gavest them me; and they have kept thy word.

7  Now they have known that all things whatsoever thou hast given me are of thee.

8  For I have given unto them the words which thou gavest me; and they have received them, and have known surely that I came out from thee, and they have believed that thou didst send me.

9  I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.

10  And all mine are thine, and thine are mine; and I am glorified in them.

11  And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are.

12  While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.

13  And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.

14  I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.

15  I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.

16  They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.

17  Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.

18  As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world.

19  And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.

20  Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;

21  That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.

22  And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one:

23 I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.

24  Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world.

25  O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee: but I have known thee, and these have known that thou hast sent me.

26  And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them.


Hope this helps,

Marques

[winner08]

 thanks: Marques man that's alot of writing.   It helps. Thanks. What Jesus went through that day is a drop in the bucket in what I am about to go through.

Darren

[mharrell08]

thanks: Marques man that's alot of writing.   It helps. Thanks. What Jesus went through that day is a drop in the bucket in what I am about to go through.

Darren

No problem Darren...I almost put just verses 15-26 but then I thought, might as well post the rest. 


Marques

[winner08]

 your a good person. thats

Darren

[Rene]

Hi Darren,

You are in my prayers and I hope for you a quick recovery.  With God all things are possible.

René

[Marlene]

Hi Darren, I suffer with pain throughout my body daily. I will pray for you. I thank God for some reason I have been able not to take alot of narcotics. I have diabetes and high blood pressure so I never had much excess to them. You will make it through Dear with Gods help.  I think you seem like an amazing person. Just remember Katrina. How you did so well. God will be with you.

In His Love
Marlene

[Heidi]

Darren.....I will share a bit about myself to you as I also have problems with my back and need to take very heavy drugs (most of the opiates).

I had an accident March 06 and had to have spinal surgery...the outcome of that was that I have 4 titanium screws in my lower back.  My body rejected the artificial protein that they place between the screws and I have severe spasm.....today I have been medically retired from a job I loved and spend most afternoons lying down having to rest my back.  I have my laptop on my tummy and can study the Word.

I have made peace with my current state as I know that God has ordained it to be where I am.  Regarding the drugs, and believe me when I say they are strong.....I have too wondered if I should stop taking them, the short answer is, I don't know.....but I do appreciate your being fearful because I have heard about the withdrawal....please consult your doctor as you may need medical care as well to help you through.  Maybe wean yourself off first, start taking less medication for a 1 week and then reduce it further and so on.  Going cold turkey may not be the wisest idea.

I will pray for you my brother.

Love
Heidi

[cjwood]

my dear brother darren,
heidi can identify. so can i. reading your post is like looking in the mirror at myself for the past 12 yrs. i suffer from chronic back pain due to bulging discs, degenerative disc disease, and a slight crack in one of my cervical discs. i suffer from fibromyalgia and radiculopathy (chronic pain in my radicular nerve running across my buttocks down my left leg all the way to the ankle). i started out on vidodin (hydrocodone). then, my rheumatologist added ultram. keep in mind i got to the point where i was taking at least 6-8 vicodin daily (10mg) and up to 6-8 ultram a day. my rheumatologist stopped practicing and referred me to a pain clinic (specifically for the fibromyalgia). the pain dr. said he wanted me to get an mri of my cervical and lumbar spine to see if there was anything else going on. that is when he discovered the bulging disc, cracked disc, and the degenerative disc disease. an emg showed the nerve damage. so, the pain dr. kept me on the vicodin, stopped the ultram, and scheduled me for the first of many, many, many procedures to inject this that and the other into the space between my discs, and i even had procedures to deaden/kill the nerve(s) which were causing me problems. of course, the nerves would regenerate themselves in about 4-6mths. so then, we would do it all over again. one time i ran out of the vicodin before it was time to refill the script so i had to wait for the time to pass before refilling it. suffice it to say, i went through a living hell. i wasn't sure what was going on because i couldn't control my breathing, i was having anxiety attacks, i couldn't sleep or eat. truly like a junkie going through withdrawals. i had my husband take me into the pain clinic to see my dr. (without an appt.). he took one look at me and kind of chuckled and said that i was "just" going through withdrawals. i couldn't believe his lax attitude towards my situation. anyway, he said i just needed to get the vicodin back into my system, so there i went again, back on the vicodin. plus, he said i needed something that would give me a continual dose of meds in my system, so he put me on the fentanyl patch. needless to say i was feeling much better within a few days, BUT, i was only masking the pain and the physical problems in my spine, not to mention the fibromyalgia. actually, the paid dr. never mentioned the fibromyalgia again. he only started focusing on the spine problems. well, after much thought and prayer i opted to titrate down off the vicodin and the pain patch. i did it slowly so that there was no withdrawal, BUT, i found that my pain came back raging it's ugly head so that i had no quality of daily living. so, my pain dr. opted to try every other medication in the book. i was on topomax (actually a seizure med) which i hated and quit taking which put me in the emergency room. i started hallucinating and thought i was going into seizure mode. i was on ghb (the presciption formula of the date-rape drug), back on the pain patch, back on vicodin, on morphine, methadone. actually, the only opiate i never was given was oxycontin. not sure how they missed that one. anyway, i got to a point where i knew i had to get off the heavy pain meds. my daughter was very much against them, my family was concerned, and i was scared thinking what they were doing to my internal organs. i thought about the scripture too which says our body is the temple of God. but, i thought that many times God works through medications. so to say the least, i was confused. i knew if i got totally off the pain meds that i would most likely be miserable. but i knew that something had to change. with the pain meds i found myself doing things that ended up making my physical ailments worse because i thought, well i feel no pain so i can go ahead and do such and such. stupid, stupid, stupid logic. with the help of God and with common sense regarding coming off the pain meds SLOWLY, i now only take one prescription med for the fibromyalgia which also helps with my nerve pain. it is called lyrica. i also take cymbalta for depression/pain. that's it. no opiates. NONE. i see a (gentle)chiropractor who is also a holistic dr.  she has reviewed my medical history and has put my on several different supplements. i did run out of my lyrica before i got my mail order refill and you guessed it, i started going into withdrawal. couldn't get out of bed for 3 days, couldn't sleep, eat, visit the forum, study the scriptures. nada. but that was my mistake. once i got my lyrica and started taking it again i started feeling much better. i didn't take my supplements during those 3 days because i am supposed to take them with food and i wasn't eating. i no longer go to the pain clinic because i feel that for the most part, pain clinics generally only treat your symptoms (with ALL kind of heavy duty drugs), they do not address the underlying problems causing the chronic pain. at least that is how my pain clinic operated. i see my regular dr. who prescribed the lyrica and the cymbalta. as long as i take my meds as prescribed, eat healthy, take my supplements, and see my chiropractor regularly i can lead a satisfactory life. i keep in mind that it is ALL of God's will and purpose for my life. darren, please, please DO NOT go cold turkey from your pain meds. i don't know which ones you are taking specifically, but i DO KNOW that you need to come down off them slowly. very slowly. even if you end up still taking a pain med does not mean you have failed at ANYTHING. if your back injury problem is still with you, then you need help with it. i don't know what extent your back injury was or what was done for it other than the heavy pain meds. your desire to "clean house" so to speak of the pollutants is a noble and honorable desire. but you have to do it smart. if you see your dr. regularly you must tell him of your desire to come off the drugs. he should be more than happy to help you. and if he isn't willing to help you, then you need to get another opinion asap! in order to go through detox alone, in your room, with no help from anyone other than God, your faith darren MUST be deeply, deeply rooted and grounded. i am NOT saying that yours is not. i am saying that i too had been studying ray's teachings and the scriptures and i when i went through withdrawals and detox i LOST my grip on reality in a major way. i pray you are able to read my reply to your post before you shut you bedroom door and try to detox alone. i will pray for you without ceasing that God's will be done in your life, and that He will provide the way for you to rid your body of the pollutants that your body is now dependent upon/addicted to. He will show you the way to freedom from the prison your body is in. He is already suffering with you. He can heal you. He is your comfortor, your courage, and your strength. you MUST not do this cold turkey. i have been there and it was the hardest thing i have ever done thus far. harder than the breast cancer, surgery, and radiation i went through 8 yrs ago. please pm me if you ever want to darren.

love in Christ Jesus our Saviour brother,
claudia

[Ninny]

Darren, I would agree with those who say be careful and do it right. Just seeing my little grandson come off the steroids after his brain surgery convinced me that anyone who is trying to come off anything has a struggle ahead and shouldn't do it alone.

I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your family please do seek help you will need it. You have friends here who will be keeping watchful prayer for you.
Kathy

[Stevernator]

I am praying for you Darren. God has been patient and kind to me and I believe that He can deliver all who trust in Him. When I try to improve on my own I usually fail but I believe God is faithful to those who trust in Him.

[winner08]

cjwood: thanks great post. No I am not just quiting cold turkey. Well I have stop taking my meds which are very powerful. I am now taking a weak pain pill so if I don't get so sick. At least that's the plan. I have been on theses meds for many yrs and I have been sick before so I know what to expect. This time however I am planning on going though this so mentally I am ready. My wife will keep a close watch on me if it get to be a life threaten situation there's 911. I have everything I need to make me as comfortable as possible. That being said I have no illusions in the next day or two it will hit me hard. If I make it pass the first week I should be OK. This is day one it will take at least 3days before it really hits. Anyway that's for yours and everybodys concerns. If i can post I will if not I'll see you on the flip side.

Thanks,

Darren

[cjwood]

cjwood: thanks great post. No I am not just quiting cold turkey. Well I have stop taking my meds which are very powerful. I am now taking a weak pain pill so if I don't get so sick. At least that's the plan. I have been on theses meds for many yrs and I have been sick before so I know what to expect. This time however I am planning on going though this so mentally I am ready. My wife will keep a close watch on me if it get to be a life threaten situation there's 911. I have everything I need to make me as comfortable as possible. That being said I have no illusions in the next day or two it will hit me hard. If I make it pass the first week I should be OK. This is day one it will take at least 3days before it really hits. Anyway that's for yours and everybodys concerns. If i can post I will if not I'll see you on the flip side.

Thanks,

Darren

darren,
i am so thankful you have a plan in order. i commend you for your decision to rid your body of the polluting effects of the heavy pain meds. you are so correct that the withdrawal/detox effects take hold on the 3rd day. that was the case with me. i have been praying for you to remain strong mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. i know it is God's plan for you to be free of the hold the pain meds have on you. He will bring you through this and He will be with you in the midst of it. He is an awesome Father. what father wouldn't want his son to be free of this prison you are in with the prescription drugs. i look forward to reading your posts after you have made it through the most suredly hard days ahead. we love you as our own family and we pray for your recovery. i continue to pray for your wife, as your care taker, help meet, and friend.

claudia

[Heidi]

Yes Darren....as Claudia said, I am also glad that you have a plan in your approach.  May God be with you and help you....remember, when we are weak, He is made strong.

1 Pet 4:1 Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;

Love
Heidi

PS Let us know how it goes, who knows.....I might follow suit.

[winner08]

I tell ya what made my  do it here at my house; I was watching Dr. Drew on yh1 he does a reality rehab show for the so called stars. I listen very closely as when the people first get there they all in good moods and then about 3 days they start going down hill, detoxing. They go to the nurse and they said I'm sick and they give them Maalox or something like that over the counter. Man this is like giving an aspirin for a chronic pain  patient. They(med staff) is just to give them reinsurance they don't die. Malox, aspirin This poor women was going through a bad patch the crazy legs, skin crawls, sickness. All she could do was go thought it. I have better stuff here to get me through. At least I have something to knock me out (sleep). I have meds for sickness. Yes there prescriptions but they not opiates. One step at a time. I'm sorry I didn't explain my process my intention was not to upset y'all. I'm not brave enough to do this cold turkey.

Thanks for yalls love and support.

Darren 

[hebrewroots98]

Hi Darren, I was just now reading and following this post and was wondering how it went with you?  I have 2 brothers whom I have had detox at my home on several occasions and it is not easy for them or anyone.  I am really astounded at just how addicting these drugs really are after taking them for the first time or two!

blessings be yours!
Susan

[OBrenda]

Hey Darren,

I missed this while I was out having surgery.....God Bless You.....How is it going??

YSIC,
Brenda