self-control

[jennie]

Hey Ya'll,
I am coming for help from those far wiser and stronger than I am. I am struggling against saying something to someone who, with their words. hurt my family. I have always struggled with "payback" and thought I was controlling it okay but today... not so much. I am sick inside from fighting against my natural inclinations. I could say something that would blow this person's world apart . The info. I have , I have had for 5 years now and I thought I had moved past it but now I see that I haven't. I am feeling like a huge disappointment to God because I haven't beaten this thing yet. Any words of wisdom on this one? I am ashamed to even confess this dark place in my myself to you good people. Thanks, Jennie

[Jackie Lee]

I sure understand, sometimes things build up for a long period then it is hard to control our tongues.
I thought I would explode constantly hearing my mother tell me I was too skinny too pale.
I was infuriated after hearing this daily, I thought I would say something I would regret....So I prayed hard, this thought came to my mind.
The thought was, I don't talk about others weight or skin color so from now on this subject is off limits.
I told my sister and mother this and I was so glad I didn't explode.
They accepted my answer with respect and now don't say nothing.
So my thoughts would be pray hard before you say something you will regret later.
You will be glad you did.

[jennie]

You have the same weight problem as me! I can't gain any!
Anyway back to the subject... I will pray and think hard on this. I don't want to hurt this person's spouse or children with the info. I have. They are too precious for that and it's not their faults. Please pray for me that the part of me that James speaks of doesn't take control.

[Jackie Lee]

Hi Jennie I will pray,  I would not want to be responsible for hurting anyone.
When you pray earnestly over things such as this God always comes through.

[Marlene]

Hi Jennie, I have suffered 17 years with a neighbor, who has done all kinds of things to me .  I believe the hardest time is  when it comes unexpectally. That, is the key to me. I don't know how long this has been going on that she has been hurting you and your family. But, when they surprise you and catch you off your guard is hard. The Lord has been teaching me patience with this person for 17 years. She is again trying to get back into my life.I will speak to her and treat her nice. But, there are some things I have to limit. Not, giving her answers to questions that are none of her business is how I am handling it now.

I love her, but she is what she is for now. In order to keep peace and I believe that is what God wants I am trying to set limits. I don't know your situation with this person. Like Jackie, pray. I took three days the time before last to talk to her. I waited till I knew I had control.

I looked up these verses Chapter 12 verse 18 If it be possible, as  much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Verse 19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. The time before this last episode I told her if we could not live in peace we should stay away from each other. She said, she was sorry , so I forgave her.

The last time she took one of her funny moods and asked for every gift she ever gave my Husband and Me over the years back. We gave them to her. We never asked for anything back. She never called for almost two weeks. She found out she has some cancer in her neck and told my husband and I felt bad for her. I called her and she told me she is sorry. But, I still know it will happen again if we do not keep our distance. Yes, it is hard to handle. God gives us time and is not upset with you. But,  the fact you feel bad about wanting to shows you take this serious.

I care about my family. I will  never let her feel she can become that close again, but I will treat her well.

But, God also knows there are some personalities we could never get along with. I will keep my distance for peace. I owe it to my family and myself. Not, sure what realationship this person has with you. But, God is teaching you patience. He will help you. Like Jackie says prayer is best. I know, for me the shock is the hardest time. I praise God that he has enabled me to deal with this person.

In His Love,
Marlene

[Jackie Lee]

Hi Gary, that is a good point for Jennie and myself to remember the one that makes us angry has control over us.
Good thought, I will remember...Thanks.

[Ninny]

Dear dear Jennie, I just happen to have some extra weight and I'd be happy to donate some of it! A little here and a little there Anyway....

You're wise enough to know that whatever you say out of spite or anger or whatever isn't a pure motive will jump up like my daddy used to say and bite you square in the butt! (He had an old mule that always did it to him when he turned his back!) Sorry, I'm not trying to make light of the problem because there is nothing worse than knowing something that you'd like to tell, but can't. You can't do it because you are a child of the Living God and if it isn't of God, well...

My Grandmother was one of the finest Christian ladies I've ever known, but one time she did something that was absolutely the right thing to do, actually her duty as a Christian. She testified against her own granddaughter and caused her to lose custody of her son. That act I'm sure saved his life, but that one act of bravery (I think it was bravery) caused such a rift in the family. I know my grandmother suffered for many years and she lived to be 102 years old! So even if it is the right thing it can cause sorrow. So if it's the wrong thing just think what could happen.
Well, I'm done. Just do pray hard and ask God to take it away if it isn't of Him.
Love you,
Kathy

[Longhorn]

Jennie

Old Longhorn has some good unrully neighbor fixing slolutions( GAURANTEED to work).....  Let me know if I can be of assistance.

Longhorn

[jg]

If you don't mind my two cents... The one thing I've seen that can really change things has already been mentioned, and thats prayer.  

But to add a little more to that, we're told to pray For those who despitefuly use us.  In the last two days, I have seen God change things as a result of praying for the "other person" .  In our situation my wife and I prayed FOR the person who was causing all the trouble.  We also prayed for God to forgive us for harboring ill feelings toward them.  We put "them" first, and prayed FOR them, and that His will would be done in the situation.  It was.  And in our case, it happened almost overnight.

I believe if we're open to Him, He will show us if the problem is with us too. Not that you're in the wrong, I dont mean that, I don't know.  But if we are sensative to His leading, He can and will point out where we need to change, and He will give us the faith to do it.  

In prayer, I felt led to first of all forgive that person, then to ask forgiveness for my anger toward this guy, and once I did that, I knew I was forgiven, which gave me confidence to pray.

Hope that makes sense. There's just something about putting the other person first in prayer. It does something in your heart.  Forgive and you will be forgiven.

JG

[OBrenda]

Jennie

Old Longhorn has some good unrully neighbor fixing slolutions( GAURANTEED to work).....  Let me know if I can be of assistance.

Longhorn

I wonder if any of longhorns solutions involves a steel trap?? 

I've taken the road in the past to give a slap back at folks when they have attacked me.  You feel relief only for a moment, and then feel like a skunk endlessly!   Good advice JG 

In most cases of info to blow someone's realty up...is a weapon of mass destruction.  It hurts many...not only your enemy.  We are to confess our Sins, but not necessarily the sins of others!

Jennie you already know this....Stay strong girlfriend...Pray ahead of time and ask God to give you the words to respond/rebuke her.   {a soft voice can break a bone}

Peace Sister,
Brenda

[Ninny]

Jennie,
Use extreme caution when following Longhorn's advice he gives it out free of charge and you always get just what you pay for!! His solutions always involve using things readily available say in a cow pen, or under the buzzard's roost, or a dozen other disgusting places. Use your imagination you're a country girl!
Take care!
Kathy

[jennie]

Yeah I am down with the country girl revenge that used to be so good. For some reason, even when I am enraged... my mouth is quiet about the hurtful information. I know this would blow another family to bits. Mine has been blown to bits a few times and it's no fun. So far your kind words of wisdom and prayers are working to help me keep myself "in check"! Love to ya'll from my cold mountains (22 degrees!)! Jennie

[Ninny]

brrrrrr....brrrrrr! Yeah like here it is oh let's see...58 degrees, but that's cold to me! My house feels like 40 degrees, I don't have the heat on except for a little heater in the kitchen! BUT I'm not IN the kitchen! I need to be in there!
I know God will help you do the right thing.  Why does He always make us decide to do what's right when I'm sure you feel like you are well withing your rights to knock the living daylights out of that person! I'm so glad His spirit in us has the ability to cause us to think rationally on the right occasion! He has put his hand over my mouth many times when I have been ready to strike like a rattlesnake! Thank you, God! Just goes to show you without God we are no different than a thousand other people!
Praying for you still!
Kathy

[Stevernator]

My thought on self-control is that its better to rely on God than one's own sense of righteousness. When I try to do good things or avoid temptation many times it is based on a sense of self-righteousness so I think its best to admit my fault and yield to the spirit of God.

[aqrinc]

Hi Jennie,

Try a little something i learned a while ago, it always works when you do it right. If you keep trying to do
or not to do you are guaranteed to fail sooner or later. Remember the tongue, that little member is only like
a wild asp when uncontrolled by us. Here are some Scripture to back that up:

Job 6:24:
Teach me, and I will hold my tongue: and cause me to understand wherein I have erred.

Psalms 39:1:
I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle, while the wicked is before me.

Proverbs 18:21:
Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

Proverbs 31:26:
She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

James 1:26:
If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridles not his tongue, but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is vain.

James 3:6:
And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defiles the whole body,
and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

James 3:8:
But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

Now here is the 100% cure; Give it to God and leave it there do not take it back, guaranteed to work failsafe.

This is called GOD Control; He Is The Best At It.

george.

[jennie]

That reminds me of a tale an old preacher man told us once. He said he had a chicken that died. He buried it and prayed over it that God would make it live again. Each day he dug it up and then saw that it was still dead and re-buried it. Of course each day that went on, it smelled worse than the day before. He said that was like us with our burdens and ill feelings....each time we dig it up ...it stinks a little more. He was just an old mountain man with hardly any education but I do think he was right. Thank you all for praying for me and my tongue. I am going to do the best I can to leave that "chicken in the ground"! Much love to all, Jennie

[aqrinc]

Hi jennie,

I am with you in the fight my dear, learning to Pray and Let go daily.

george.

[jennie]

Thank you so much George and everybody. I hope that we pray for each other always. Much love from my rainy mountains today, Jennie
p.s. the ponds are all frozen around here. It is so pretty!

[Linny]

Hi Jennie,
I used to be the BEST at getting people back. It was an art. 

Then God got ahold of me and tested me BIG TIME. I lost 2 jobs in a row to being slandered as soon as I became a Christian. So He squeezed that out of me quickly.

My advise to you is what I do when I am harmed by someone.
The Word tells us our battles are not with flesh. So I remember that the person who harmed me is being used to do so. If I go down to that level, then I lose, but as you said, other innocents will lose as well.

I have a book, one of the few that I will keep with my new learning, that is called THE BAIT OF SATAN.  It is all about how our being offended is a waste of time and is so harmful to us.
Don't choose to be. The simplest and the hardest thing to do....

Blessings, Lin