Misleading marketing

[Astrapho]

Don't buy free will, people! It's got a catch!!! I had a free will (as a free trial!), but then I died, then I went to hell because I forgot to get water baptized! So I traded my free will with Musicman to get out of hell. I magically got out and managed to live a less-than perfect normal life... But it beats being eligible for hell! They make you choose between sticking your hand into a nest of scorpions or eating dog faeces, for all eternity! And for the reeeally unlucky ones who managed to land a cell next to Church Lady, they do blowtorch you and it's not pretty because the skin grows back. :B

[Ninny]

Oh my gosh!!! Musicman has turned everyone into raving loonies!!  I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later!!!
Kathy

[musicman]

Folks, yous ain't gettin it.  John Calvin taught us that we don't go to hell because we have a free will, but because we don't have a free will.  Don't y'all know of his teachings?  We are predetermined to either go to heaven or hell.  That means we can never change this on our own and. . . . . .god ain't gonna change it.  So we need a free will to make sure that we can counter god's "predetermination" clause.  With 100% $$ down, u can have your very own free will to be exactly what you want to be.  If you find that you ain't righteous with your free will, you don't have to die yet.  Just live it up and when you get sick of life, just free will your self to love god and go to heaven.  Free Will:  The thing that's free but with Oils of the Serpent, ain't free.  

[musicman]

And for the reeeally unlucky ones who managed to land a cell next to Church Lady, they do blowtorch you and it's not pretty because the skin grows back. :B

And this is true according to one holy book.

4:56  Unbelievers will be tormented forever with fire.  When their skin is burned off, a fresh skin will be provided.

[Vangie]

What they might say in the cell next to Church Lady...

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous". 

[deftarchangel]

But it beats being eligible for hell! They make you choose between sticking your hand into a nest of scorpions or eating dog faeces, for all eternity! And for the reeeally unlucky ones who managed to land a cell next to Church Lady, they do blowtorch you and it's not pretty because the skin grows back. :B

Wait a minute.....THAT'S what hell is like???  That's no fun.  If I had it my way, and I do because I have free will remember.....thanks to Oils of the Serpent Inc. (I expect my endorsement cheque in the mail musicman!), I'd much prefer to go to the hell depicted here.  Remember....it's not God who you have to worry about.  It's the guy in the red suit that you have to suck up to.  No....not Santa Claus.  The OTHER guy in the red suit! 

Hmmmmmm......donuts!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3ZcZ2h4Ths

[musicman]

What they might say in the cell next to Church Lady...

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous". 

It wouldn't help.  Being able to coordinate both butt cheaks equally in order to hold them together wouldn't stop Church Lady's blow torch treatment.  The fire will still enter Uranus.

[Ninny]

MUSICMAN!!!   
Kathy