Hi Ellie,
I can relate to your situation in many ways, We had to place my mother in a nursing home after she broke a hip. She was in their care for about three years before she died at the age of 85. We tried caring for her at home, but after some time of doing everything that needed to be done in her case, and she wasn't getting any better, us nine kids finally took the nursing home route.
Then one of my brothers went into cardiac arrest and didn't breath on his own for more than four minutes. He suffered brain damage and was in a home for about four years.
He died from dementia they said.
I made many trips to two different nursing homes for a time there, and things were very unsettled between us kids. And some strong disagreements lead to some hard feelings all around. I went a lot of days in Gods strength, because I could tell I had none of my own.
I don't wish that kind of pressure on anyone, but it was a time of learning and growing on my part.
I think of my mother, and brother often, and most of the time it is memories of them before they were home bound.
You have my prayers, and I know the Lord is with you.
May His peace be your stay.
Joel