octoberose -
Christmas is rough this year. I lack nothing- except the child who has removed himself from his family. And every song, every ornament that I bought for him growing up, all the memories- they just break my heart. My daughter wrote something today on her Facebook page about the things she misses at Christmas time and being with her brother was one of them. I know, I do this every year at some point. I truly don't know if I'm strong enough to bear this . And God just is so silent . He's So Silent. I know that He inhabits the praises of his people, but truthfully I am having a hard time with the praising. I can't find that place of surrender and peace while I wait on God as He does His will. I just suffer. And I think about how many years are left to me on this earth and could they please hurry up and get over with. That's awful to admit but that's where I am at the moment.
I ask myself if I love my son more than Christ. If Christ removed himself from me, would I be as wounded as I am now? I really hope the answer is yes, more so. But Christ won't remove Himself from me- He is the one who is Faithful and True. I know this is true.
As marriages go, I've been married a long time. But you know when you begin a marriage that maybe there's a chance that it will not last. That he will leave you. But never, never did I ever consider my child would leave me. Maybe that's the thing - God has put me through the unkindest thing of all for - what, my benefit? Yes, there has been benefit. I actually know this. I am Far less judgmental over parents and their children, I am aware of peoples suffering and don't think that I've done one thing good to keep calamity from me but that God has done it. But dear Lord, I am ready to benefit less from this lesson! Can You call Time and let me put away my pencil and paper and walk out with my grade?..... But, not one day before You are ready to. Just give me some grace and some strength and some joy in the mean time, would You please?
It appears (to me), that you have answered your own questions in the above, regarding The Love of God and our own Love for Him and our families and others.
Specifically about your hardship, and if I understand you correctly, for your family to be happy and complete together at this time - perhaps you need to focus on the following (if you do not already):
1. Christmas is a pagan celebration - which most of us cannot escape from - and most of us perhaps, still buy presents for our families knowing full well that it is not a True Festival of The Lord.
2. It matters not a bit (albeit it may hurt like hell) what others say or think about us and our families; as the only thing of TRUE value is our standing In Him.
3. He Has declared that all are accountable for what they desire, think, say and do - and this includes the very fact that not one of us can make a single choice for someone else.
4. Whatever the relationship (or not) anyone has with Him, the experiences He has preordained, that each and every one of us, walk in (and suffer through them), build Godly Character in each and every one of us.
5. Obedience is attained only through suffering.
6. His Judgements (whereby He chastens His Children) although extremely severe, and He does NOT cut any corners, are in reality the Very Act of a Loving Parent (to each and every one of us).
7. His Elect were born in the world, His Elect (in His Time of His own Choosing) were dragged out of the world, and were then not part of the world - and His Elect must NOT love any of the things in the world (The Pride of Life, The Lust of The Eyes and The Lust of The Flesh). If His Elect do NOT love the things in the world, His Elect are in a Very Good Place of Peace, Love and Joy (In Him).
8. Love conquers ALL:
I hope this helps you a little, and does not hinder you at all.
Warmest Regards.
George