Wanda,
I appreciate the encouragement. A little background on me; The Father granted me awareness 35 years ago. By awareness, I mean, acceptance that He is, and that He is doing something in creation. The past 35 years have been one of painful, painful discovery. Discovery mostly that His declarations are just that, declarations. Not just His declarations of what He is doing in the world, but His declarations concerning me and my placement. As I stated, I've been in a multi-faceted and difficult experience for the past sixteen years, probably much longer, if I were to be honest about it. On this side of the experience, I see His hand all over it. It does not diminish the pain, but pain is part of the experience of His planted ones. I believe someone made mention of Christ's experience prior to the crucifixion. He was in great anguish approaching the experience, and I guarantee that the pain of the crucifixion was NOT diminished in any way. As the scripture says, for the joy that was set before Him, He endured the cross.
I would love to say that I have not had moments where the stress and strain of this has not gotten the best of me, but that would be a lie, and not helpful in any way, shape, or form. The Father has been doing amazing things in my life through this trial. Amazing things, things that could not be accomplished any other way, not in my life, and not with the constraints He provided me. It is painful, to be sure, and I have been given the freedom to express that pain in His presence, but like our Christ, I have to capitulate when I ask for the cup to be taken away, "...not my will be done, but thine..."
Take care,
Tony