It is amazing how many people are going through stuff....and especially couples. Being married is not easy, and I thought I knew it all. I was arrogant and prideful. (even though humble in a lot of ways, I had things that needed to be dealt with)
Matt, I'm glad things worked out for you. I feel God has told me to love my wife unconditionally among other things, but He has not given me any guarantee how this will turn out. It would be a miracle. She has never wavered in saying she's leaving me. I also feel that I have hurt her deeply over the years through ignorance etc., and that all the other stress like finances, leaving the church, questioning faith, combined with a very some horrendous trauma earlier on in her life has brought us to this point.
I have no hope, except in God. I mean that, because my wife is so running from me. Yet I know she cares, but has told me on different occasions that she is indifferent, does not love me, does not want to be married to me anymore, etc. Yet she will still cry when we talk, and when things get too close to home, she says she doesn't want to go down that road anymore. I know she is hurting....man, I just want to love her the way she deserves and take care of her.
I'm sorry because I've said some of this before, but it trully is a nightmare from which I don't wake up. I think that almost everyday. I also am trying to submit to God, and not be selfish, and just be satisfied with Him. I don't know if I'm wrong for wanting to still be married....I am so confused, and stressed. I know I need to just rely on God, but it is easier said than done. I feel sick alot of the time due to the overwhelming stress (not just my wife but financial etc.)...anyway.
I have always desired a close relationship with God, and wanted to serve Him as best as possible. I want to please Him, and not sin. I may not be making sense cause I'm tired, but that is my desire. And to have my family restored, selfish though it may be.
I feel really happy when I hear about people for whom things have worked out. Thank you for sharing that. James