Friend Sonofone,
If I may respond to your original question about the content of this forum.
I have been searching the way you seem to be for ten or more years. I have examined many authors and have ended up more confused than enlightened. Yes, I did get some truth, but not enough to satisfy. It seems that everyone retains a little error and will not give it up.
I attended the last conference in Nashville and was favorably impressed with the humility and friendliness of everyone there. The defining attribute of the members and first time visitors at the conference was an obvious attitude of 'like mindedness'. I spoke with thirty different people and I really dug into their personal lives and personal opinions about God, the Bible and their sense of what God is teaching His called out people. In spite of the fact that most had never met before, it was as if we had been life long friends. It was a beautiful, refreshing thing to behold.
My point in writing this is that there is evident among the members a definite sense of being taught by the spirit of God as opposed to having to learn to translate what another person is saying. Whether Ray is speaking on his topic of the day or whether a new friend is relating what they have been learning at home before the conference, what you notice most is that almost everyone listening is nodding their head in agreement. What you hear after the lesson is given is "I've been trying to put that thought into words myself and when I hear it stated by someone else it is so clear, so obvious".
There is just no other way that I can explain what is happening. We are all listening to the same voice or spirit. Sure, Ray and Dennis and Joe and Kat and Arcturus are all individuals with their own personalities, but they are being fed by the same Holy spirit and after you listen face to face for only a few hours it becomes obvious that we all have the same teacher.
I can't recommend any special course of action for you at this point in your growth in grace and knowledge, but I do know that when your mind or our mind is on the same frequency as God's spirit, things just begin to fall into place as if it was natural, as if you had known and understood all of your adult life.
I pray that you will be able to have this experience, maybe at the next conference, and I pray that you will hold onto this opportunity on the forum and continue to share your thoughts and questions with us. Just keep in mind please, that it is Jesus our Lord who is doing the teaching here, we all are just relaying what the Holy spirit has given us.
Please critique my remarks above, I do want to understand how you feel.
indianabob