George, You know sometimes when I would sin and I would see it, it seemed so painful to me. I did not realize at the time when I did not know the whole truth that God was using my guilt of my sin as a way to make me dependent on him. I felt it was a curse and I was lost. I thought maybe I had willfully sin and he quit covering my sins. But, when I found out truth he gave me a large dose. Not, only was I trying to do it without him, but I thought he was going to send me to Hell. Then I found Rays sight and I realized he was preparing me for truth. I had fail in to a sin that I was having trouble forgiving someone who hurt me it was the same sin he fail into. Before, I knew the truth. He gave me victory over it before he showed me the truth. But, I still could not feel forgiven.
After, reading Rays website. I now believe he chose to reveal himself to me.
He showed me something that shocked me. I did not even know him to begin with. He is Love. There is no Hell. He showed me I was trying to do it myself. Now, I know he gave me the victory over that sin. I had to feel not forgiven in order for him to lead me to truth. All, I can say now is I had sins I didnt even know that were worse then the one I did. My thoughts of his Character being the worse. My letting man tell me what scriptures mean. With all of this he helped me to Love like him. He helped me to forgive. He showed me I am dependebt on him. Lord, all I can say he took this babe in christ and gave me more victory in
my life time. He is teaching me patience and that he is patient. I just want to cry every time I think what knowing the truth has done for me in such a short time.
I have loved him for years, but I didn't know it was not real. He took the blinders off of me. All, I can say the fall was painful, now I am glad it happened.
I will pray always for his will and not mine. I know who does it. I love everyone on here with all my heart. I had tried for a long time to forgive people who hurt me. I guess I had to hurt him to see what I was doing. I don't want to ever turn from the truth. I don't believe he took me through this for nothing, but I am in the race and with him doing it it has to be successful. No matter what , even if I am not chosen the race is still worth it. Cause the Prize is all Christ.
In His Love,
Marlene