Dear Friend Judith,
I can relate to your gnawing pain.
I am scheduled for knee replacement surgery next Friday, not looking forward to it.
However, the surgeon says stop all arthritis medication a week before surgery except for what I have given you for pain. (it's tylenol with a little codeine) So, I had to stop Prednisone which has worked pretty well.
Now my knee is swollen every day can't walk on it and I can't sleep more than a couple of hours.
So, I guess the fear of surgery is less than the desire to have it over with a.s.a.p.
However, Jesus and many others to a lesser degree suffered for much longer and not for their faith but just because of circumstances. Jesus knew why he suffered, it was for us. Now we are learning to suffer for someone else too.
I know that your personal circumstances lead to suffering for someone else close to you and so I think that I can understand just a little of what you are going through.
It isnt' easy and it won't get any better most of the time, but if it has purpose then maybe it is like carrying a baby to full term and then having a long term delivery. Once the baby is here, only the joy of a new life remains in our minds in most cases. We are similar in that we will be the NEW LIFE and will never again have to suffer physically in the same sense that we do in this life. I think it is a worthwhile goal and I tell myself that it is good because it gives me a better, more realistic understanding of what others have suffered.
How could I understand otherwise?
Love and a big hug for you and yours.
Indiana Bob