Life's Great Truths

[Kat]

HERE ARE A FEW OF LIFE'S GREAT TRUTHS


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
~No matter how hard you try, you can't bath a cats.
~When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
~If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
~Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
~You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
~School lunches stick to the wall.
~Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
~Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
~Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
~You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
~Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
~The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
~Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
~Life is not fair - - get used to it!
~If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
~Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
~Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
~Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
~If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
~If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
~It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
~Never buy a car you can't push.
~Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
~Forgive your enemies but remember their names
~The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
~When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
~Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
~If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
~You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
~Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
~A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
~Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
~Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
~Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
~Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
~Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
~We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors; but they all have to learn to live in the same box.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
~You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.  
~Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
~Wrinkles don't hurt.
~Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
~When you stoop to tie your shoes, do everything you can while you're down there.
~Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but he/she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
~If you hang something in your closet for a while, it shrinks two sizes.
~My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
~Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
~Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
~It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

[Dave in Tenn]

Just great.  Thanks.   

[tamaralv]

Lol! Well, that explains it then! Thank you, Kat 

[Astrapho]

~Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but he/she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake

[Deborah-Leigh]

Thank you Kat ~ 

[GaryK]

HERE ARE A FEW OF LIFE'S GREAT TRUTHS

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
~If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
~Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
~If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
~It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
~Forgive your enemies but remember their names
~The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

   

Thanks Kat.   I needed a good smile today.

gk

[Linny]

Those were fun! 

[iris]

   

[Samson]

Thanks Kat,

Below are my favorites from Your Thread !

If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

~Life is not fair - - get used to it!

~Forgive your enemies but remember their names

~If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

~Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

~Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Great List of sayings Kat with allot of truth attached too, Samson.

[Dennis Vogel]

As 2010 nears the end, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public restroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan ..

I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Brown Recluse Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 coyotes that are running around our neighborhood will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of mine's next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .

Oh, by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet. 

[Kat]

Awww Dennis, you are more messed up than I thought  



Kat

[Dennis Vogel]

A friend sent that to me Kathy. But some of it fits.

[Deborah-Leigh]

Rene....

Blessings
Arc

[Kat]

Yea Dennis, I've seen that too. Just wanted to poke fun at you a bit 

Kat