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between rock and hard place

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lostANDfound:
good morning everyone!
i've been perusing old threads and see that many of us have spouses who are still in babylon.  my husband has one foot in and one foot out right now.  he no longer believes in eternal suffering in hell, free will, trinity, etc.  but he doesn't have any conviction to stop going to church.  he has stopped though, because i stopped, and we have so little family time as it is.  he feels as though his spiritual life has suffered since he stopped going.  we are still involved in a bible study from the church which i have been trying to get out of but for the first and only time in our relationship we are using the "submit to your husband" card and i am still going because of that.  but my disgust with the "unclean thing" is growing.  so do i submit to my husband or do i touch not the unclean thing?  or pray for a high fever, or a broken down vehicle, or some such crisis every thursday night?   :)    He has proven faithful in my latest step out of babylon.  i've stopped going to a moms and tots group that i used to lead, then stepped out of leadership but still attended at the church.  And once i resolved to stop, God provided many good "excuses" to ease the transition: like sick kids, not enough room in the vehicle for all the car-seats because all my dayhome kids showed up on the same day, a burst of nice weather so we went to the park instead, etc.
i'm rambling.  i've accepted that my husband is God's workmanship and He'll drag him out of babylon when and how He wants to.  i just want to be obedient with my own actions in the meantime. 

Craig:
One of the hardest things about leaving church is the social aspect.  Man is a social animal and needs some social interaction.  For many the only social endeavor is going to church.  You all need to find something to fill that social void. 

Craig

Kat:

Hi lostandfound,

Well this is no doubt a delicate thing to navigate through, as you have said you do want to respect your husband. Have you discussed with him your difficulty in continuing to attend under your present convictions? I am thinking you have and he is wanting you to attend with him so he will not have to answer questions about why you are not there with him. But just talk to him and explain it is really hypocritical for you to continue and he really doesn't have to be specific about why your not with him. So maybe you just need to talk it through with him and let him know you are not trying to push him to stop, as it is a personal decision.

Another thing I am thinking is maybe you should try to instigate a period everyday to do a home Biblestudy with your husband. This would help filled the void left from not attending church activities and give you the necessary continuing in the Word that you absolutely need.

These are just a few things that came to mind, but I just want to be encouraging and say I see you are trying to be considerate about this, so you will do the right thing as you are lead to. But I will pray for you to be guided through all this.

mercy, peace and love
Kat

acomplishedartis:

--- Quote from: Craig on February 03, 2011, 12:35:18 PM --- Man is a social animal and needs some social interaction. 

--- End quote ---


haha, ha

sorry, that was funny (to put it in that way)...

lostANDfound:
craig, i'm working on that part!  it's a struggle as time is such an issue for us right now but yes i can see change on the horizon as far as having a social life goes.  he has lots of questions about why it's ok to fellowship with non-believers but not "wrong-believers" so i'm putting together some verses for him including these:

1 Corinthians 5:9-13 (New International Version, ©2010)

 9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.
12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”

2 Corinthians 6:14-18

Ephesians 5:6-11

and an excerpt from 'Hell is a Christian Hoax' (http://bible-truths.com/23-minutes-in-hell.html)


kat, that's sound advice.  we have had several talks on the subject but part of the problem is that each of my steps away from the church have been painful for him (and me at first) and i feel like i'm steering our family when it should be him.  we really don't have a lot of family time so when i opt out of church-related outings then he's forced to choose between family time or whatever needs are being met at church.  so i enjoy a huge sense of relief by not going whereas he feels like it's a sacrifice, and it's me driving it.  like i said, i'm putting together some verses for him to help paint a clearer picture of where i'm coming from.  one of the touchy points is that i consider them to be worshipping another god because their god is so small and weak and hateful and mine is not.  he's really stuck on this point, seeing it as a case of different perspectives of the same god. 
the family bible study or at least just him-and-i bible study every day is especially good advice.  something i've tried and failed to initiate in the past.  time to try again.
i should add also that most of his changes of belief have been a result of my enthusiasm as i've been learning and growing.  he hasn't read much of ray's material himself.  not that i think one needs to read ray's material, but it might be that the seeds are planted in fairly shallow ground right now.

john from kentucky, the pastor actually is very aware of my stance on things.  when i stepped out of leadership with the moms and tots group at the church i explained why to the pastor.  we went back and forth for awhile over email and eventually he recommended a book, something about 3 doctrines regarding hell.  i asked which one he felt was true, he said he couldn't fully agree with any of them.  so i said, "so i can believe any of these 3 doctrines which you yourself don't believe, as long as i don't believe that everyone will be saved?"  no more emails from him.  i've been asked not to lead any of the studies, and most of the people in the group know that i differ on almost everything.  so it's a lot of holding my tongue and accepting that they really aren't interested in truth.  your second idea is bang on, of course.

thanks all.  i know i've said it a few times but i really love having this forum to connect with like-minded believers. i consider it an enormous blessing to be graced with your wise words and prayers.  any scripture to add to my arsenal would be appreciated too!

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