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Re: adultery
Gina:
That's horrible. Unfortunately, that's very common. I'm glad you two are friends now! That's good. That's very good.
According to Michelle, and I agree, women are pretty much entering their prime just as the men are exiting their prime and it makes for strange bedfellows. If a married woman has an affair she is more likely to divorce her husband over guilt of having or having had one. The reason for that is, society programs women to believe they are monogamous and men are not. So, when they discover they are not monogamous (because they're in their prime), they are so shocked by their own behavior they turn around blame their husbands and leave the marriage; that way, they don't t have to face potentially not being forgiven by her husband for having an affair.
Affairs don't destroy marriages, but guilt and unforgiveness (is that a word? lol) do. Not saying this is the case with either you or your ex, Rob. I just wanted to use what you said as a lead in to that very important piece of information in the book.
Men and women don't discuss these things. Thank you for opening up, Rob, and being receptive to the information in this thread.
Thank you too, Moises, for your contribution. You're doing the right thing.
Yeah, with the divorce rate the way it is, it's so important to find straight answers, and I flippin struck gold in this book. Wow.
Ciao for now party people!
DougE6:
Gina
I do think that the natural hormonal cycles of men and women are not in sync, at least in the first 2/3 of life. So women are finding a little bit about the terrible power of testosterone, in their middle years. And so 70-75% of divorces are initiated by females.
The hormonal thing has always been around. Birth control and the no fault divorce has not. In times past, womens' risk in infidelity was extreme...a pregnancy, being found out, and then losing your stable home and good name and being taken care of by your husband. Now, those checks are being removed, and we are seeing that there is a deeper beast in women than we ever expected. In this realm of sexual infidelity, I mean.
SO young men are becoming more and more cautious of marriage. They do not want to commit. And society, more and more, wants to redefine a family, to make anything go. Gay marriage, single parents, gay adoption, women having babies with various men...ANYTHING JUST AS LONG AS THE SACRED COW OF LUST IS NOT RESTRAINED.
It is a terrible state of affairs (no pun intended) Just as young men have learned in times past and many still do, and keep their sexual appetites in control in their prime, women simply must learn to do the same. This life is not easy. And these powerful urges do not rule one forever. In fact, when women hit their forties, bang...wow, all of a sudden, for many of these who just HAD to have an affair in their thirties, now they look at the shattered lives and think, did I really do all of that? Why why?
So maybe women should start encouraging fidelity in their marriages to each other. Yes and maybe men have to learn to forgive what to some is seemingly unforgiveable.
I just think this society, getting evermore soaked in lust of every form...porn soaked, every abberant desire and hook-up desired by any approved of and celebrated...and this attitude is passed on to the impressionable children...we are certainly going to inherit the whirlwind and we sow to the wind.
Not even accounting for the fact that God will increasingly give people over to their lusts, as they feel thay do not need to acknowledge him..Deep inner drives and deep inner genes, that remain dormant for the most part, will be caused to express and spring deeper and more sinful behaviours into action...lust only begets more lust, when the appetites are not restrained.
Speaking for myself, I want God to make me pure in the midst of it all. I want nothing to do with it. I want only to love my wife, to love my children, and to somehow teach them and inculcate in them values that would cause them to resist the massive overload of sexual temptation out there. It is our God given mandate, to raise up our children in the nuture and admonition of the Lord.
Gina:
--- Quote ---SO young men are becoming more and more cautious of marriage. They do not want to commit.
--- End quote ---
First off, thanks for your contribution, Doug. I really mean that.
lol Young, old, men for the most part have never wanted to commit solely to one woman in marriage because they know something that women have not been afforded the opportunity to discover until recently--that one person cannot possibly satisfy them for the rest of their lives. That's why they shy away from marriage. And that's why women (not all) have felt the need to convince and/or trap men into marriage.
We know that men are not commitment minded to one woman. If they were, there would have never been the need for laws against the practice of polygamy.
Likewise, men have known for eons that women are not commitment minded; otherwise, there would have been no need for chastity belts and the like, of which I won't mention in here.
It's clear as of late, women are shying away from marriage for the very reason that men have been commitment-phobic. They're finally waking up.
You're so right about things being dormant. It's not as though it was never there, it was just against the law, gay marriage for instance. Now it's not. So true, Doug.
--- Quote ---So maybe women should start encouraging fidelity in their marriages to each other.]
--- End quote ---
That's right!! But we have to know why we are the way we are first in order to do anything about it. We're fed lies and myths about our sexuality. We need KNOWLEDGE. We need to stop being told that we're inherently monogamous and commitment minded. We need to stop being told that a "prince" charming will come and sweep us up off our feet and make all our pain and sorrow go away. My God! What a burden that's been placed on men. Heck, if I was a guy, that would scare the living daylights out of me! That would shy anyone away from marriage. But that's the dung that women have been fed and they turn around and shovel it by the heaping hordes to the men in their lives. No one person can possibly satisfy every need and wish.
So, it's no wonder women become disenchanted in their marriages and go chasing after and/or falling prey to the ever elusive opiate/narcotic high of love/lust.
I believe that if women knew, like men have always known long before women reach their prime, that they will be coming down off that elusive love-high sooner rather than later, they'd be more apt to do the right things when it comes to seeking or trying to catch a Mr. Right. There is no Mr. / Mrs. Right. There are only men and women who need the spirit of God to do the right thing. Indeed.
Thank you again, Doug, for your well-thought out contribution. Very much appreciated!!
acomplishedartis:
--- Quote from: Gina on January 22, 2012, 08:13:18 PM --- There are only men and women who need the spirit of God to do the right thing. Indeed.
--- End quote ---
That sounds like a very good conclusion...
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