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letting go

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Gina:
Headdy,

Jesus came to take the things that hold us captive (OUR THOUGHTS, which are not God's thoughts),
c-a-p-t-i-v-e.

You're not feeling at peace because that's part of the process of salvation and you can't escape it.  God does not take us OUT of the world but keeps us from the evil one.  That's Satan. 

Many of us were raised in a "you gotta pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, if you want my vote!" kind of environment, so when you come up against things you can't control, you freak out.  You feel lost, like, what am I gonna do now? 

I was personally raised with the "Christian belief" that, when problems arose, which any sane person would be worried about (problems with debt and expenses, their health, their children and husband), the solution was,

"Well, you just have to put it in the Lord's hands!  Just let Him handle it, dear." 

(Really?  That's what "warring against powers and principalities in high places" means?  Handing it over to God and not doing anything?  Not even thinking about my problems?  That's not what war in the spiritual realm really makes me want to do, I'm sorry!  That's not how my mind works.  The only way I'm gonna feel better is if something's done about it, but God's taking so long!  I better take things into my own hands.  You know what I'm saying?

The question I have for you is, what is the beast in you making you take control of and not let go?  Or, is it too personal to speak about openly?  Which I understand if it is, and I'm not going to pry.

Gina:
.... continuing...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

God has to grant us the ability to kick the beast off the throne, first, before we actually do it.   You're upset and you're not thinking clearly, so when I'm in that predicament, this is what I do (if I'm not too shaken up to remember to do it)... I say to God, Please give me something to be joyful about and help me solve this problem!  This burden is too much for me and I'm sinking. And then I say, I believe that you're going to give me something to be joyful about and help me solve this problem.  I thank you God for what you're about to do.  I can't tell you all the times that God has answered that prayer.  But I learned it when I was at work trying to learn Microsoft Word after having used WordPerfect for about 10 years.  I was so scared because not knowing it would have cost me my job, and then I worried about how I was going to pay my rent and on and on and on.  Well, I was dead beat exhausted from it and I just finally threw my hands up and said, The only way I'm going to learn this software is if You make it happen, because I don't know any way and no one's helping me!  And the next thing I knew, I was learning it pretty much on my own, but I knew it was God causing me to click this tab or select that option.  I'm just not that smart.  It had to be God.

I still try to control things when I'm in unfamiliar environments or when I want things to go my way, but more and more as a first resort instead of a last resort, I pray, God, I want this to work out, and if this is going to work, you're going to have to make it work out, because I just don't see any way.  Not my will, but Thy will be done.  Amen.

p.s.  We will pray that God helps you solve your problems and gives you something to praise Him for instead of being all tangled up inside.

p.p.s.  http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,14197.0.html

Headdy82:
Thank you everyone for your comments. This is my story......I made a decision to marry someone before I was brought into truths and into the word,  and he is not a true believer or should I say,  he still.lives in the "world".  God has been in my life my whole life and guided me throughout.  Why did I end up marrying the person I did,  I still dont know. We have two little girls. I'm blessed to have them. My husband lives his life like a single guy and does not involve himself with his family. We keep.struggling with money and he spends then doesn't want to work. I have known my husband since I was 15. I'm now 30 hears old. We were friends and I was totally infactuated with him which wasn't good because I was blind to see all his habits that led up to what I am still going through today. I don't want to struggle anymore. I'm not happy and my kids suffer for his lack of effort and ambition to keep his family a float. So,  do I leave or stay. I have tried to make this work for countless years. And I can only do so much.  His family is oblivious because he lies. He has talked to other women inappropriately, lies a lot.....he tells me I shouldn't worry about what he does. But I do. I do because it effects me and my kids. I turn to the Lord all the time about this. I'm trying to understand what I am suppose to learn out of this. I know that God can change anyone. But it also says that a leopard doesn't change his spots. I wish on many occasions I can be like Jesus and have peace and love in my heart and bear good fruits. I find myself angry all the time at my husband and myself for the foolish decisions I have made. I just don't know what to do because I don't know what I can do to change anything or should I make a decision. I pray for guidance. I have been praying for guidance. I'm impatient, but yet I have waited and
 waited.....

Rhys 🕊:
I'm no expert on such things so I'm not going to pretend to be one here. I'm sure there are many others here that would have advice for you. I will pray for you and your husband. I know it's God's will for the situation you are in. I find myself in a difficult situation at the moment that I will post about shortly. I do find this life difficult and I too wonder about the stupid choices that I have made. I wonder if life would be different now even though I know now that it is wrong to think like that and I shouldn't. I have different circumstances than you but know that you are not alone in your struggles. I pray that God will give you the peace that you need. I'm still a work in progress and so are you.

Bless you.


Rhys

Gina:
Thank you for explaining, Headdy.  I'm sorry you're going through all of that with your husband.  I've made bad decisions too and kicked myself for years. 

What about your control issues, though.  Is it that you're trying to manipulate your husband into acting like the man he is supposed to be -- through anger outbursts?  And are your children witnessing all of that?  Because I used to do that with my daughter's father.  I kick myself for that all the time.  The reason is, as I'm sure you know, when our children see us coming down on our spouse, they think that we feel the same way about them, or then he becomes the "underdog" in their eyes and they look at you like you're the monster (I don't know how old your little girls are, maybe they're too young to know what's going on and maybe you don't show openly how you feel about their dad the way I did).  I mean, you want to talk about controlling.  I'm so embarrassed to admit that, but I'll tell you what--I don't do that anymore because I saw the damage I was doing to my children. 

In saying all that, I would feel the exact same as you do about the things that your husband is doing.  You have every right to feel the way you do.  And if he isn't providing for you and your children and running around on you like a dog, I'm sorry, but, that means it's time for you to go because I won't support your "bad habits."  But that's me.

If you're absolutely sure there is no way to salvage your marriage, then I would say hey, if you have someplace you can go and can support yourself and your kids and he isn't going to come after you and give you a boatload of grief, and you guys can work out a visitation agreement (or not?), I won't try and talk you out of it.  If what you're saying is true (and I believe you're being truthful) then your husband is worse than an infidel and your leaving would be totally and completely justified in the eyes of God.

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