Tks Arion, for your candid sharing. It is nice getting a Christian perspective from the other side. Someone who understands the truths of God, his ultimate purpose and who despite the daily struggle to live with the condition, is so beautifully reconciled to the sovereign plan of God. Thank you, this in itself, is so full of hope.
Tks Rick. You couldn't have explained this psychosis better. All I can add is:
But if someone close to this loves me, then something must be wrong with them.
So I must find something wrong with them.It's a humbling revelation I tell you. A lot of Christian folk will say 'Except for the grace of God goeth I' but they really don't believe it....not for a minute. I do experientially know this. I know that I could of done horrible things except for God's intervention.
This is a telling commentary of how God does use human psychosis/distortion of the mind/evil to accomplish his sovereign purpose. Holocaust stories/the strength of the human spirit always inspired me, but for the first time I am able to get a glimpse into the minds of the Nazis and understand what caused them to act so insanely.
Seems BPD is a totally self centered disease, the beast at its very essence.
Recognizing BPD traits and understanding the triggers behind them is one thing. Living with them is altogether hell. I've joined an online forum for support and trying to come to terms with the reality that this is beyond my ability to change. Thankfully, I don’t have it half as bad with my SO. But as Rick so rightly said, it is the beast at its very essence. From the stories I read about, its a condition that leaves destruction in its wake, of lives, careers, marriages, relationships, families, reputation, children, futures, everything. Sadly most people come to know about BPD only in hindsight, when they are sifting through the rubble of their lives. Even those who do know struggle to maintain their sanity and protect their hearts. It isn't any better on the Christian group. There is a woman, at 62 who is ending her marriage after 45 years of marriage because she can't take it anymore. A 16 year old has to endure emotional abuse from her divorced father. Another teen wears headphones when her father is home. Messy divorces and child custody battles, leave young children wounded and sometimes in the care of their ‘out of control' parent. Emotional, verbal and sexual abuse, rage, strife, infidelity, acting out, acting in, substance abuse, alcoholism, blackmail. Its sheer madness, and the scale is alarming. Experts say that owing to its genetic nature, it is spawning a generation of ‘out-of-control’ people. Ironically, many counsellors are also people battling their own demons and they study psychiatry/psycholgy mainly to help themselves. So you can imagine the confusion, a blind trying to help the blind. As Arion rightly asserted, it is more than just carnal. At the heart of it is pure evil, of God, and of his purposes.
My struggle right now is , how do I love this personification of evil?