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iris:
Josh,

That was a great post!
Its so wonderful that you and your parents
can set down and talk things out.
They sound like very loving people.


Iris

rick:
thank you all for your wonderful thoughts on this subject. i am really struggling with this because i do not see any efforts for either of "the boys" to be on their own. one is 21 and the other is 24. i think they view this as a free ride and i am footing the bill. i do not want to be mean and many times i feel guilty about what i may do. so in reality, i just tolerate things and do nothing.

sansmile:
Well,
Thought i would put my views on this, firstly,because i have had three daughters (all left home now), and because i work with teenagers. When my girls lived at home, the moment they started earning they had to contribute money from their wages. Depending on what each earned it was a percentage. We took this money, but truthfully it was spent again on them many times (without them realising this). The whole point of this ,was to teach them that as an adult  nothing comes free, that they needed to pay their way in the adult world. At the time this helped them learn to budget their money. To plan what had to be paid and what took priority, such as rent, food , bills etc. I thank God He kept me strong in making them pay "rent" because it prepared them for their future, . They all now live in their own homes and manage well. If we do not teach our children (stepchildren or natural should be treated equally) how will they learn. God does the same with us. Just look back, us older ones (lol) learnt from example and sparing the rod ruins the child. The rod is not just a cane for corporal punishment but used to guide the blind in their way to go.

God Bless  Sandie x

gmik:
Rick, that is a can of worms in my house.  My hubby thinks I have babied our kids and made it so good for them that why should they want to move.

Josh, thanks for the "kid" perspective.  right now our son, 26, has been home for over a year.  He has been in junior college and will be off to University of Michigan( ;D) in Spring.  He has not paid us rent and doesn't do much to help out-just what we ask.  He was a Marine for 8 years and it was while he was in Uganda that he found Ray's site.  He is our "baby" and I like him being around.

Our other 2 both spent a couple of years back w/ us after college (Lee Univ. in Cleveland, Tn)
I nver made them pay rent either.  I even did their laundry!  They are wonderful kids and are wonderful adults.  I don't regret their time at home.

Now, my husband has always thought they should pay rent, have chores, etc.  But w/o good jobs, and paying off college loans, I just never could threaten it.  So he and I would argue over it and they were oblivious!!

Everybody is different.  I don't think there is one right or one wrong answer to it.  In my mind I kind of thought that 30 would be where i drew the line....

rick:
i wonder if i would feel differently if they were my own children. but my 3 girls are on their own and i dont see them coming back except in dire circumstances. i want to do what is right but i am not sure whether it is better for the grown children to be forced to make their own way or just let them ride and hope for the best. i dont allow any drugs or alcohol in my home but who knows what they spend their money on when they are out on the weekends. sometimes it is hard being the one who has to make these decisions because i never know what may become of it. this is probably trivial to some but a fiery trial for me................

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