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My own private hell

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pylady:
Shmeggly,

My heart goes out to you and my prayers are for you and your family.  Growing up in a family where there was much drinking and ill feelings, arguments and even violence I understand how the stress can seem almost unbearable.  Sometimes all we can do is pray and cry out to the Lord.

God has given you a heart of understanding toward your wife, even though she has hurt you so deeply.  You said she can't help the way she is acting, and that she is a wounded soul who desparately needs help.  You said that you still talk and laugh.  It seems you are a real friend to her in spite of everything.  I pray that when she realizes she is on a destructive road, and she needs a friend she will turn to you.  Perhaps then you could help her find some help.  AA has been a  blessing for many people cursed with alcohol addiction, some psychiatric counseling, even medication for a time.  Of course our best healing comes from the promises in God's word.

  Rev 21:4 "and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall
  longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain
  the first things have passed away."

Meanwhile try to be strong for yourself and your children.  In my humble opinion the best thing we can do in a terrible situation in addition to praying and crying out to the Lord, is to remember that all this is temporary.  We must endure it for awhile, but we must keep our eyes on the wonderful future that God has promised us, and even in terrible stressful times like this try to find some consulation and joy in it.

Please understand I am not trying to minimize your suffering.  I'm just saying at times like these we especially need to think of the hope ahead.

May God be with you and your family.

With Christian Love,

            Cindy

UncleBeau:
Dear Shmeggly,

I am one that I can say that I know what you're going through. I know you're suffering. I did too. your wife HAS to go through what she's going through right now. God can NOT change His plan just because you might not accept it. It took me almost four years to come to that truth....and my ex wife...her pain and suffering is very apparent these days. I wish that I could have changed her or helped in some kind of way, but God has a better way. Remember Jesus came for the LOST sheep. She's lost. You at least know where to go to get sound advice. I'm not telling you this to sound mean in any way. We love you just like we do her. I'll just say this though....Get ready to open your eyes more every day, because God's got a bumpy ride ahead prepared for you with better rewards than you can imagine!

your friend,

-Beau

pylady:
Pera,

You always sound so happy and upbeat.  Who would have thought you're going thru such terrible times!  You have such a wonderful attitude even though you must really be hurting inside.  I wish I could be more like you in dealing with my problems!

I pray that God will give you wisdom to deal with your situation and a good outcome.  Again, sometimes it seems like the hope God has given us is all we have left.  But what a wonderful hope!
    Rev 21:4 "and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall
     be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying; neither shall there be any
     more pain; for the former things are passed away."

I know I'm repeating myself, but I just love that scripture!  Imagine in God's Kingdom there will never be any reason to cry!  We will have the happiness we all want but is so illusive in this life!

May God be with you and comfort you.

with Christian love,

           Cindy

carol70:
Shmeggly,

My heart goes out to you.  I am going through a very similar trial right now and all we can do is keep trusting God to turn things around for us.

Proverbs 3:5  Trust in Jehovah with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:6  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

I hold on to those verses for dear life.

I pray for you, your wife, and your children.

Pera, my prayers go out to you as well.

God bless you,
Carol

Shmeggly:
Wow....I am overwhelmed by the responses to this....I am humbled by the caring that is evident.  And so much of what everyone said here is true; and much appreciated.

Pera, I am so sorry for what you are going through, my heart hurts for you too....I will pray for you.  It seems this sort of thing is happening alot to people....I don't know if I really know 1 couple that is actually happy....

 I know deep inside that this is supposed to happen, if that makes sense.  I want to fight against it of course, and say "why me?"  "it's not fair" etc etc. 

I know that already through this I am becoming a different person, and am being molded and shaped into someone or something else.  I know that this is good for my wife too, because I believe that this had to come out and be exposed....the past hurt etc.  It hurts though to think she might go through life wounded, when I know she is so fixable, for lack of a better word.  That isn't the best way to describe it, but she is so desperately needing to be healed and made whole.  I am praying for that....

For the record, the alcohol is not a problem; she is hardly even having a drink anymore.  That doesn't mean she won't go out or something....alcohol was a way of medicating her pain....and still is.  The whole going out was an escape, because the house and the rest of us represented stress, and that brought up the pain....and I am a representative of that pain....this may not make sense, but I just don't want to reveal too much (like I haven't already!)

Thank you so much for your support, I hope this could help someone in some way; it helped me just to type it out.  And it lets you know where I am at, and where I am coming from. 

Even today, when my emotions are right on the surface and don't feel very "up", I saw an older man in a wheelchair, and his older wife was helping him sit in it, and he almost fell.  I was instantly on my feet without thinking,  and on my way to help....but he made it safely into the chair.  I realize how much I want to help people; how much I still care.  I know it's easy to focus on ourselves; when we focus on others, it seems to put things in a different light.  I don't know...

The hard thing is she is so adamant of our seperating and it being permanent; I know she sees me as a threat, because even in the past she said I was the one with the potential to hurt her the most emotionally.  I know God is working things out, but I still have a hard time thinking that broken homes are his plan....forgive my lack of understanding. 

You don't know what it means for everyone of you who wrote something on here....thank you for your caring and support....J

And I know that some of you if not most of you are going through your own trials; some of them probably a lot worse than what I'm facing.  Know that I care about what happens to you as well, and yes, deep down, I know God has a plan for all of us, and He's making people that will oneday maybe be capable of handling some responsibility in His kingdom....that's my thought anyway....

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