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Utter despair
neeter:
Sandy,
It is now Monday. Hopefully things are looking up from last week. Killing yourself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I have been in that pit also. 2 years ago something happened, and I missed 6 days of work, unable to stop crying and unable to do anything. It was months before I could make it through a day dry-eyed....depression is a tough thing, you can't just "snap out of it"....and it doesn't just go away. Medicine helps...... i don't know if you have been to your doctor, but i started going through "the change" early (at age 46) and that can really mess with your head :-\
Here I am babbling on.......You are in my prayers............DON'T GIVE UP.......YOU CAN WIN!!!!!!!!!!!
neeter:
??? ??? ??? ???
Sandy..............where are you??? it's tuesday......... :-\
gmik:
Yes, please check in w/ us. I know we all gave you loads of reading on this thread. Please let us know how you are doing. If you don't I will think the "wrong thing". Please don't let me think that!!! ;)
You are loved and wanted here!!!
Shmeggly:
SandyFla:
Please hang in there!!! I have just gone through depression exactly like you described....just blackness, and utter hopelessness. I couldn't believe how bad it could get, and then it got worse!!! I laid in bed for days, crying and just hurting, and thinking of a reason not to kill myself. I really didn't want to do that, I just didn't want to live with the pain anymore.
I'm telling you, I cried out to God (with anger, rage, pain etc) for real...and I still felt like I was dying...but somewhere along the line, I started to feel hope again. And you know what, God could handle my anger, bitterness etc....He really is a loving Dad. (I am a loving Dad, so I try to equate Him as a Dad! But so much better...)
I have been to the counsellor, doctor, been on antidepressants (quit because they made me sick tired weak and an insomniac!) and am still in the midst of the battle. But somewhere in there, God gave me hope, and even though some days I feel myself drifting into hopeless thoughts, I can now stop thinking about them, and start to pray, which I never used to do. I always gave up....
I just want to encourage you, and to let you know that I really do understand what utter hopelessness and blackness is all about. And wondering where God is. And wanting to die. You are not alone....so please take care of yourself.
I wish I could do something more for you...something practical, like a job etc....but I'm in Canada and I don't think you'd want to live somewhere this cold!!! And in the middle of nowhere..
I too wondered if God wanted me to kill myself, but He did not and does not!!! Please realize that. It is not in His plan. You will get through this, and you will be stronger than you've ever thought you could be. You will be used by God...nobody can reach people and really understand the broken and hurting, until they've gone through something, like M.G. or some of the other people on here.
I hope we hear from you soon...please PM me if you get a chance....James
DuluthGA:
Sandy if I remember correctly, in a recent post about counting how many times Jesus spoke of heaven versus hell, you worked up a study paper on it and offered a copy to anyone who so desired... and I had asked you for a copy.... and because you were away for awhile it took several days for you to send me a copy, which was great, thank you.
I can only hope you are "away" for a few days again and that all is well.
It will be good to hear from you when you return.
Bye and love, :)
Janice
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