I do not have the word “hell” as part of my vocabulary but last night I said to my husband “This is HELL!” I did not say it once only either!
I suffered the most terrible eye pain and had the relief to describe it to my attentive husband. It was like my eyeballs had turned into tiny little rose thorns then they turned into one big thorn. There was such pain as this became an experience of acid in my eyes then a gritty scratching feeling as if my eyes had become grains of sand then stones. My eyes rolled back in a desperate attempt to find relief and found only little but not enough as I called to Jesus and struggled to comprehend this agony. Finally I realised I could not understand it. I begged Jesus to show me the purpose. Over and over I called to understand as the pain escalated and threw me back to memories of sweetness as my husband tried to encourage me to relax. L
I do not like to take medicines and the chemical pain relievers and anti inflammatory we have in the house is extremely strong. By this time I could not open my eyes to see. My husband fetched the pills. They take effect in a few minutes and as the pain began to come in waves I started to feel as if a Bunsen burner was aimed at my face. A wet towel became the scratching pad of relief to the skin on my face as my eyes burned into unrecognisable spheres in my head that I could swear were now thorns, stones, acid, grit and all changing one after the other.
Eventually I called for Mercy from Jesus. I said is this what you felt? The thought came to me…No…That He is not unacquainted with our weaknesses, failures and liability to temptation. I cried out okay…forgive me…I have no clue why this is happening to me or the purpose for this agony. I realise I do not have a clue that I in the company of this pain, know NOTHING. I understand NOTHING.
I know we suffer to be humbled but try getting upside of raw pain and find out how much you understand and know. It is NOTHING! I understood this much, confessed it and then felt the thud in the base of my skull as the medicine kicked in like a bomb going off in my brain. This caused a physical weakening but still the pain had not come down not even one notch!
I asked Jesus to have Mercy. To take the pain away. You know what came to my mind! NO! I will not release this pain for you have to enter into the Kingdom of God through trials and tribulations.
How can you argue that!? That was some consolation but the pain and weakness and agony and bomb in my brain were no better. Please Lord let me just sleep. I need to sleep. PLEASE! I desperation I said to Jesus then “I am going to tell on you! I am going to tell on you to the world through the Forum!” That statement as much amazed me as telling my husband “This is HELL!” There was a complete silence void after I spoke that thought to Jesus. I again asked for mercy to at least sleep!
I asked for endurance and was informed that my help was provided through my precious husband who had taken a sleeping pill because he has not been able to sleep for the last few days and even so, he was there helping me out with such kind attentiveness. He told me to place my hands on his shoulders as he led me to the bathroom. What an experience!
After asking Jesus to grant me sleep I felt that He conceded not because I asked but because it was the plan anyway and not before the thought that some relief would be granted but not all relief and that tomorrow the pain would be there again.
So today I have spent on my couch, curtains drawn, eyes closed in a 5-7 out of ten pain tolerance level.
This is the second attack I have experienced in two weeks. The amazing thing is that I would NEVER have posted such drama on the Forum EVER but I did say to Jesus “ I am going to tell on YOU!” …so here it is….
It is so strange also that our brother Joe has recently posted God is Hell?
You know, all the posts I have put here are actually not from any wisdom I have or any thing I can offer to anyone brothers and sisters. I know that! NO ONE can tell me otherwise. Last night I stood side by side next to pain and Jesus was there.
To day I feel much better. Eyes still sore though but much better.
I am grateful for my precious husband and the many many blessings in my life given to me through Christ. I am grateful to you all too….that I have a place to share this strange story that caused quiet void silence in my heart as I told Jesus last night “ I am going to tell on YOU!” There in was my error, assumption and arrogance made visible....
I also should tell you that the reaction to my eyes I believe has been triggered by possibly the spices I use to mix to produce the various recipies for my meat products that I could now be alergic to...Of course I shall now take the necessary precautions....Peace to you
Arcturus