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Wepnx0916:
I don't know how to ask this question but I don't know what to do. My wife and I rarely have night time activities. This is not my choice either. I had a high drive when we married and still do. She says she doesn't like the act because she says it's too painful and because of this my needs aren't being met. She doesn't like foreplay because she thinks it's dirty and not enjoyable. She says she loves me and couldn't live without me and likes to cuddle. I am burning up because my needs aren't being met at all. The whole thing is on her time table which she says she feels guilty about. On the one hand I don't want her to be hurt but I also don't feel she is honoring her end of the marriage by totally disregarding my needs. I feel guilty because I feel I should be able to understand her and not be selfish. I am being tempted in so many ways it's on my mind almost 24/7. How should one handle this the way the Lord would want?

hillsbororiver:
Hi Wepnx,

Is your wife a believer?

Paul speaks of this matter in 1Corinthians Chapter 7;

1Co 7:1  Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
 
1Co 7:2  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
 
1Co 7:3  Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
 
1Co 7:4  The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
 
1Co 7:5  Defraud (deprive) ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

Has a doctor been consulted in regard to the "pain" problem?

His Peace and Comfort to you both,

Joe
 

Wepnx0916:
Thank you for replaying. The doctor says it is in her head as there is no physical reason for her pain. She is a believer in Jesus but still in the babylon way of thinking. After our last child she said she felt differentand thinks the doctor cut something. When I bring the subject she often gets angry right away or really tries to avoid talking about it. She says is is not me that's the problem but her because she just doesn't have any intrest.

phazel:

--- Quote from: Wepnx0916 on February 18, 2008, 10:11:19 AM ---Thank you for replaying. The doctor says it is in her head as there is no physical reason for her pain. She is a believer in Jesus but still in the babylon way of thinking. After our last child she said she felt differentand thinks the doctor cut something. When I bring the subject she often gets angry right away or really tries to avoid talking about it. She says is is not me that's the problem but her because she just doesn't have any intrest.

--- End quote ---


Is the Doctor saying it is in her head the same Doctor your wife claims cut something? 

Kat:

Hi Wepnx,

Your wife may have come to see sex/foreplay as being improper and not the right way for a 'nice' Christian girl to behave.  Well let her read some of the Song of Solomon  ;) 
I believe the pain comes in because she does not enjoy it, she has convinced herself it is not good.  If the female is not receptive, it would be thought of as mentally painful.
You need to help her understand that God has given this gift to a husband and wife, so that they can share this special bonding experience that they have with no one else.  It should be a way that a couple can find pleasure with one another that should be exciting and wonderful.  You are going to have to help her overcome her inhibitions.  You may need to woo her and rekindle that old love flame, that I assume you once had.  It should not be 'sex' but making love, if you know what I mean.
I hope that helps  :)

mercy, peace and love
Kat

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