Dear Antaivan.
I have never been in the position that you are in but, nevertheless, I can identify with you because I have had some very traumatic experiences and have now been cured. Believe me, you're going to laugh when I tell you and you won't be on your own, I did exactly the same thing when the carrier of the news told it to me. I have learned not to laugh at such anymore.
It is a story much too long for this email to go into it in detail, so I'll just gloss over it and pray to God that He'll do for you as He so graciously did for me. If there is any more help I can give please feel free to ask. Only people who have suffered so can appreciate how someone in your position truly feels.
It goes back a long way, way back to the 50s. I was a very heavy smoker; 30 to 40 cigarettes a day plus 5ozs of pipe tobacco a week. I developed a chesty hacking cough that rapidly proceeded to a stage where I was unable to take in a fresh supply of air, for not being able to stop coughing, with the result that I used to
drop to the floor unconscious. Finally I was persuaded to visit the GP who immediately referred me to the chest clinic. Three X'ray scans were taken after which the consultant didn't mince his words. "Stop smoking and you may have a chance, if not you have at most six months." Then he held one of the plates to a light and asked, "What do you see?" My reply, "Two black blobs as they appear to me." He said, "That's right, those are where your lungs should be." Then he gave me the three photos with a parting word, "Stop smoking!"
A matter of a few weeks later, we had an unexpected few days visit from my brother who was an elder in his Church in South Australia. Recovering from one of my now frequent passing out fits I was greeted with no trace of sympathy with this advice; "Time you quit that disgusting habit!" to which I responded, "Easier said than done." "Easier than you think." came the reply. "So what's the miraculous panacea?" I asked. Yes you've probably guessed it, "Just ask Jesus." came the confident response. I wasn't a believer then so I burst out laughing.
Things moved fast, brother Bernie returned home and I still kept on coughing and having those passing out phases. Then it happened. The day arrived when God decided to pay me a visit. My wife, Alice went at my asking to fetch me s supply of cigarettes and tobacco, in her absence while I was attending to some business matter, T had another attack and flake out unconscious. All I can remember is that when I came round my finger nails were buried into the settee and I was trying to lift myself up and in the process while on my knees I remember uttering the plea, "Jesus, please help me." that's all. That was my prayer.
As I settled myself into my chair I heard the front door open and my wife say, "You owe me ?..." I can't remember how much it was, it didn't come into the equation at the time. All I do remember is without thinking, "Please take it back, love, and buy yourself a nice bag of toffee, I've stopped smoking." "Oh yes, I've heard that before, but next time you'll fetch your own." The Lord took her home over eighteen months ago and over forty five years have passed but I still wait for her, next time, prediction to be fulfilled.
When my revisit to the chest clinic was due, I could see both my lungs very clearly and it's still a mystery for the consultant who had pronounced the death sentence.
That my brother is the truth and it is the power of the Lord Jesus Christ, and this before I ever knew Him, but now I do so never ever laugh or the last laugh will be on you, I promise.
You are in a much, much better position than I ever was, you know Him. So my advice is to get down on your knees, because very soon you, I and all the world from Adam down will have do it, and ask for Him to relieve your pain. On the other hand, my brother, who is to say that you are not one of His specially chosen few who are being put through the fiery trials before being accepted as sons in His Kingdom? So with that beautiful thought in your mind lift yourself up out of the state of dark depression and face the world, if God is with you who can be against you?
God bless you and my prayers are with you.
Love in Christ Jesus.
Roy.