Hi Richard,
You are still reading and seeking the truth, that should be proof enough that you are still on the right track. In the parable of the sower and the seed you see most lose interest and stop studying or they get side tracked with other projects or maybe some are persuaded this is all wrong and leave. I guess there are a endless amount of reasons why people leave, but as long as you are sticking with it, studying and seeking Him, then you are on good ground.
Sometimes I feel God has abandoned me in my situation and left me to deal with what He knows I can not be successful at.
No He does not abandon us, it's just that He is preparing us and we must go through many trials, the tests that show us our weaknesses. When we see these ugle/carnal things in ourself and we do not like it and want to get rid of it, then that is the Holy Spirit working with us, the process. That is God letting us know what we must overcome. Now God does not show us everything that is wrong with us at once, we could not handle that. So we are shown little by little, over and over again through experiences what we must change, it's the process.
It's like growing up from a child, you do not notice on a daily basis that you are getting taller. Just like growing up this process is gradual and not so much noticed on a daily basis, but looking back you can remember where you were and understand that you are changing and making progress.
Just keeping studying and seeking Him. If it is His will for you to be among the Elect, than you can not fail, because He will not let you. It's true that we can not know for sure if we are the Elect, but as long as we are in the race we do have hope.
Heb 12:1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
Heb 12:2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Heb 12:11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Heb 12:27 Now this, "Yet once more," indicates the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain.
Heb 12:28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear.
mercy, peace and love
Kat