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Silly Quotes

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Becky:
wow !!!.... heeeheeeeeee :lol:

zander:
Those messages Sorin are undoubtedly the product of the ability now to sue anything that moves, perpetuated by the fact that society is always now looking for someone else to blame if something goes wrong.

I mean you can now get someone who buys a bag of nuts who is allergic to nuts and then eats them, to sue the nut manufacturers for not warning him/her that there were nuts inside.  Manufacturers are trying to cover their a@@ by placing these ridiculous messages on their products.

Gill:
Funny Doctor Chart Bloopers:

*Discharge status: alive but without permission.  
* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
*The patient refused an autopsy.
* The patient has no past history of suicides.
* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
* Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
* She is numb from her toes down.
* Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
* Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
* Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

 :lol:

Funny Courtroom Mistakes (Based on Actual Court Room Transcripts of Trials.):

* Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
   By death.
   And by whose death was it terminated?
* Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
   No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
* I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
   That's me.
   Were you present when that picture was taken?
* You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
* Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

SandyFla:

--- Quote from: gmik ---Anyone know any good oxymorons???  like  Jumbo shrimp???
--- End quote ---


Rap music

SandyFla:
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as submitted by Qantas pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. (By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)

Legend:   P = Problem logged by pilot
S = Solution and action taken by engineers

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found in right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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