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ez2u:
thank you all for your support, prayers and concerns.  this situation  has gone on for some time and because of my back ground of being abused as a child  i accepted it .  Now  i am not.  A big step  our children at pretty much out of the home and in college making a life for themselves.  I don't have the time to explain every detail of this relationship.  Our lives are complex.  today  i am going to his doctor and ask that the doctor suggest to my husband a anti depressant  may something like lexapro.  My husband is very ill with a heart condition  i have been told he will not live long.  His heart is bad and he is not taking care of it.  I don't have a friend nor family to support me.  My childen in college are so distracted by their studies  i can not and probably should not involve them too much.  they know   acourse the abuse and i have discussed it.  I asked for prayer here beccause i was so depressed and hurting.  I know  i have to take the steps to move away from this life style i am trying to do this  Drama  is a life style i do not want to participate in, its a funny thing  I do not understand  why we have these emotions and they can pull us down so quickly.  peggy

Richard D:
Peggy.

My heart goes out to you sister it really does, I was sadden by your life’s story and all the things you been through, what bother me the most is that you said you were use to this kind of life and that should not be.

I believe the advice Claudia and the other sisters have given you is great advice. I don’t know your husband or you but I do know it’s not right that a man should abuse his wife, be it mentally or physically as a married couple should be edifying one another.

My wife Donna and I married November 2 1980 we had just celebrated our 28 year of marriage and although we two are not without our arguments I would not think to strike my wife.

I really don’t know what to say to you, your situation is sad to me, I will keep you in my prayers, but having said that I would like to also say sister, if you walk by your husband and he strikes you just because your there you need to get out of that situation or at least call the police, please don’t become another statistic.


                       Your friend and brother in our Lord. Richard.

Marlene:
Peggy, Maybe you do have to have the doctor give him some med for depression. Do you think he is worried about dying? My father was a diabetic and bad lungs and heart. Those conditions can sometime cause mood swings. I suffer with diabetes, pain and depression. They gave my father some medication and he got along good with it. He helped raise a neice that my sister had from a neice. Is your husband still working or not well enough? Health issues can sometimes cause people to act that way. Not, that I am making an excuse. When, my Father was younger he never drank, but did cheat on my Mother there is around 15 years difference between my Brother. I have a sister two years and two days older then me. Lots of that had become some what better. My Father was disabled when he was 48. Maybe he has had loss of oxygen and some brain damage. After, my sisters Rape my Father really grew . He lived for her, because he cheated death many times. God had a plan and raising her with all of us seemed to be Gods plan. My Mother worked and he helped all of us raise her.

I am not trying to make light of this.  But, if you think his health can be some of the cause, he does need some help with medication.

In His Love,
Marlene

Samson:
Hello Peggy,

                 I was moved by your Post and will extend Prayers in your behalf. Obviously, I don't know
                 all of your circumstances involved in the Household setting. Knowing the fact that you've
                 experienced such severe Physical Abuse that potentially could lead to serious injury or
                 death, moves my Heart to hope you can and will remove yourself from this environment.
                 All of us are greatly influenced by the environment we experienced growing up. We tend
                 to choose relationships that provide a similar environment or Scenario that we experienced
                 while growing up and unconsciously choosing relationships with people that provide what
                 we are used to, as being " Normal. " This seems to be the case, based on what you stated
                 in your initial Post.


                 It's God's Plan that we learn from these experiences of Good/Evil. If we didn't experience
                 Evil in different area's of life, we wouldn't able to contrast that with the Good. In this
                 particular area of life(Relationships), I genuinely hope that you've experienced more than
                 enough of this abusive behavior to CAUSE YOU to completely remove yourself from this
                 kind of relationship, permanently.

                 My apologies if I come off as being somewhat forward in my response, but it saddens me
                 to hear that you continue to suffer in this situation for so long. I can understand, at least
                 to some extent, what you might be going through. Why and How can I make that claim.
                 BECAUSE, AT LEAST TO SOME DEGREE, I WAS LIKE YOUR HUSBAND, AN ABUSER, mostly
                 of the verbal kind. And believe me, I had a " Good " Teacher growing up, my verbally abusive
                 Father who degraded my Mother's Family and constantly called me stupid during my early
                 teenage years. For a certainty, I wasn't taught how to respect Women by observing my
                 Male Role Model(My Father). When I eventually write my WHO AM I testimony, I'll go into
                 more detail. A string of Marriages were severely damaged by my behavior, this is not to
                 say my Marriage Mates of the past were perfect Angels, but nevertheless, my reactions
                 and behavior were inexcusable.

                 Personally, from experience, in most cases, ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR stems from the DESIRE or
                 NEED to CONTROL other people, a CONTROL FREAK, this is usually done by the abuser to
                 control their environment and prevent things from turning out different from the ABUSERS
                 EXPECTATIONS of how " things should be". Once the desire to control other people was
                 recognized and dealt with, I was able to make significant progress. It still affects me and
                 looms in the shadow of my personality, but as the saying goes: " I've come a long way baby."


                 One last thing, as you probably already know, you can't change the behavior of an ABUSER,
                 only God can remove their desire to do this and usually CAUSE/EFFECT(Choices) will lead to
                 the eventual change in the ABUSER'S behavior. It may not happen in this lifetime(Age).
                 Certainly the ABUSER, can't do it, on their own. I remember praying to God, reading the
                 pertinent Scriptures relating to Marriage and how to treat your Wife and really wanting to
                 change and no matter how hard I prayed and tried and studied related Scripture, I couldn't
                 break the habit.

                  Before I sign off, I would strongly suggest you see the Movie entitled, FIREPROOF. It's
                  about a Marriage breaking up and what transpires thereafter, you might be beyond this,
                  in yours, but I will tell you, I couldn't stop crying, as much as I tried. I took my 14 year
                  old Daughter, to see it, she said it was the best Movie she ever saw. It stars Kirk Cameron,
                  although I certainly don't share his Theology, the Movie certainly sheds much value in
                  regards to Marriage relationships.

                                                    In God's Love & Guidance, Samson.

                 

ez2u:
thank you Samson for your post  i did go on you tube and watch the trailer of  fireproof  not meaning to be harsh here but one who seeks truth  it looks like a fairy tale  and something i can not afford to consider.  i need to be quite frank now.  God  never put into my life someone that care about me  nor loved me on this earth   i mean a human being  besides my children  which is a different relationship  and a course there are boundaries  as i am the parent  and they need to be train up  i was for many years  thin and pretty  it didn't matter nor did it that i was a loving caring person.    it has been painful    most of my married life he wasn't at home working or being with his men friends I was left to raised the children and handle the problems by myself  with 6 children  i was busy  when i gave him attention  that when the abuse  happen  we think our lives are like a tv program or movie   maybe we watch to much and we are brain washed  i never figure out how this relationship was to be  there was none.  now  i am old  and  this void is here  i need to find a place in the Lord  to be loved and cared about   i don't know  if that is going to happen  either  what i do know is that prayer is a vital force on this earth, sometimes  i feel  people praying for me  and i feel stronger for it  your prayers are very much covenated  as i have been emotionally weak and  felt a sense of great discouragement.  i did not go to his doctor  because he was abusive before his heart condition and  i donn't want him  back in my life  again  he isn't going to change  God is not going to speak into his and change this person  to hope this is one of those christian church fairy tales  that rarely happen  we are just damage goods

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