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Author Topic: prayer  (Read 6198 times)

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ez2u

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prayer
« on: November 18, 2008, 01:17:00 AM »

I need prayer for this  some sound advice  i don't like to discuss this subject  but things are coming to a head in this household  and we really do need prayer  i have tried for quiet some time now to be honest as i to myself  i can't say i have been right  about things  but i have been trying to be a seeker of truth.  All my life  i have been abused.  earlier on on this forum  i had share some of that abuse  i will not go into it now and i don't want to sound like i am feeling sorry for my self  on the contrary.  i hate that position of ones mind and try to move awayy from it.  I want to live and experience  the richness of life  that i know God has in Him.  It took me many years to come to this place, in my life,  to understand abuse and set boundaries with the love ones in my life and not to give to much of myself   throwing my pearls  before the swine nature.  I have been  married for 24 years  to a man who is abusive  many ways.  When i first married him  i did not understand life and the people in your life your family,  mine abused me when i was a child, wasn't suppose to acr these ways.   It took many years to undo the abuse thinking and patterns.  Tonight my husband  threw me up against a wall several times. I was upset he had  complete control over our money and manage it so poorly and the opportunities  we had.  It has greatly hurt us.  no it was not a screaming match
and yes he has done worst physical abuse then this.  the change is me  i told him i would not allow him to do this again and not to come back until he repents and stops.  i have very little confidence  he is going to stop   so pretty much   my life has been turn upside down  once again   i really have no one   i  am pretty alone    please pray with me  peggy
« Last Edit: November 18, 2008, 05:38:13 PM by ez2u »
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Jackie Lee

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Re: prayer
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2008, 01:24:45 AM »

Peggy I sure will pray for you and your household, my husband handles all the money also I am not always pleased.
I have been praying about my situation so not burdensome to pray for yours and your safety.  :'(
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Ninny

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Re: prayer
« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2008, 01:35:03 AM »

Peggy, God doesn't expect for you to live in abuse, your husband is supposed to be your protector not your abuser. I cannot tell you what to do, but unless you do something soon something will be lost in you. I am not trained in any way or experienced in it at all so all I can offer you is a promise, I will promise you that I will pray for you. God has your answer, I know there is a way out. I will be praying for help and that God will send someone to help you. You are NOT alone. God has a purpose for your life. "Please God, help Peggy to know what to do, help her to rely on you for the answer. Help her to live in your will and give her peace. Amen"
In prayer,
Kathy :'(
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cjwood

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Re: prayer
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2008, 02:05:16 AM »

dear peggy,
i will pray for you daily. i know that the forum is a safe place for you. i do not know your situation other than that you are my sister in Christ and you are hurting emotionally, mentally, and physically. God will protect you but you must take steps to protect yourself too. you mentioned in your post that you told your husband to not come back until he repents and stops. your husband does not understand repentance. he cannot unless he is a true believer in God and His Son, and if he has been physically abusing you during your marriage it is apparent that he is not a true believer. it is a Truth that will God all things are possible, but i ask you to not be naive about the situation you are in. i don't know if you work outside the home, but if you don't, your husband has no reason to change because he knows you are dependent on him. i am concerned for your safety. please seek help  if possible from a safe place for women in abusive relationships. they can give you advice and a place to stay if you need one. i wish i could be with you to sit by you and give you a hug. you are our sister and we love you.

claudia
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Marlene

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Re: prayer
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2008, 03:51:55 AM »

Peggy, I grew up in an abusive home. My Father abused my Mother. It was really hard on us children as well as her. He didn't however control all the money. She separated from him at one time . I will keep you in my prayers as I know how this can be very dangerous. Do you have any shelters for abused women?  Claudia is right you need to seek some help. There may become a time that you can't get help. Do you have a friend close to you that could help? It breaks my heart to hear this for a Sister in Christ. I hate that for all women. I will keep you in my prayers. But, please try and get some help if possible.
I would be afraid to go back to him.

In His Love,
Marlene

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ez2u

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Re: prayer
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2008, 08:56:13 AM »

thank you all for your support, prayers and concerns.  this situation  has gone on for some time and because of my back ground of being abused as a child  i accepted it .  Now  i am not.  A big step  our children at pretty much out of the home and in college making a life for themselves.  I don't have the time to explain every detail of this relationship.  Our lives are complex.  today  i am going to his doctor and ask that the doctor suggest to my husband a anti depressant  may something like lexapro.  My husband is very ill with a heart condition  i have been told he will not live long.  His heart is bad and he is not taking care of it.  I don't have a friend nor family to support me.  My childen in college are so distracted by their studies  i can not and probably should not involve them too much.  they know   acourse the abuse and i have discussed it.  I asked for prayer here beccause i was so depressed and hurting.  I know  i have to take the steps to move away from this life style i am trying to do this  Drama  is a life style i do not want to participate in, its a funny thing  I do not understand  why we have these emotions and they can pull us down so quickly.  peggy
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Richard D

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Re: prayer
« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2008, 10:22:53 AM »

Peggy.

My heart goes out to you sister it really does, I was sadden by your life’s story and all the things you been through, what bother me the most is that you said you were use to this kind of life and that should not be.

I believe the advice Claudia and the other sisters have given you is great advice. I don’t know your husband or you but I do know it’s not right that a man should abuse his wife, be it mentally or physically as a married couple should be edifying one another.

My wife Donna and I married November 2 1980 we had just celebrated our 28 year of marriage and although we two are not without our arguments I would not think to strike my wife.

I really don’t know what to say to you, your situation is sad to me, I will keep you in my prayers, but having said that I would like to also say sister, if you walk by your husband and he strikes you just because your there you need to get out of that situation or at least call the police, please don’t become another statistic.


                       Your friend and brother in our Lord. Richard.
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Marlene

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Re: prayer
« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2008, 11:59:46 AM »

Peggy, Maybe you do have to have the doctor give him some med for depression. Do you think he is worried about dying? My father was a diabetic and bad lungs and heart. Those conditions can sometime cause mood swings. I suffer with diabetes, pain and depression. They gave my father some medication and he got along good with it. He helped raise a neice that my sister had from a neice. Is your husband still working or not well enough? Health issues can sometimes cause people to act that way. Not, that I am making an excuse. When, my Father was younger he never drank, but did cheat on my Mother there is around 15 years difference between my Brother. I have a sister two years and two days older then me. Lots of that had become some what better. My Father was disabled when he was 48. Maybe he has had loss of oxygen and some brain damage. After, my sisters Rape my Father really grew . He lived for her, because he cheated death many times. God had a plan and raising her with all of us seemed to be Gods plan. My Mother worked and he helped all of us raise her.

I am not trying to make light of this.  But, if you think his health can be some of the cause, he does need some help with medication.

In His Love,
Marlene
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Samson

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Re: prayer
« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2008, 01:39:11 PM »

Hello Peggy,

                 I was moved by your Post and will extend Prayers in your behalf. Obviously, I don't know
                 all of your circumstances involved in the Household setting. Knowing the fact that you've
                 experienced such severe Physical Abuse that potentially could lead to serious injury or
                 death, moves my Heart to hope you can and will remove yourself from this environment.
                 All of us are greatly influenced by the environment we experienced growing up. We tend
                 to choose relationships that provide a similar environment or Scenario that we experienced
                 while growing up and unconsciously choosing relationships with people that provide what
                 we are used to, as being " Normal. " This seems to be the case, based on what you stated
                 in your initial Post.


                 It's God's Plan that we learn from these experiences of Good/Evil. If we didn't experience
                 Evil in different area's of life, we wouldn't able to contrast that with the Good. In this
                 particular area of life(Relationships), I genuinely hope that you've experienced more than
                 enough of this abusive behavior to CAUSE YOU to completely remove yourself from this
                 kind of relationship, permanently.

                 My apologies if I come off as being somewhat forward in my response, but it saddens me
                 to hear that you continue to suffer in this situation for so long. I can understand, at least
                 to some extent, what you might be going through. Why and How can I make that claim.
                 BECAUSE, AT LEAST TO SOME DEGREE, I WAS LIKE YOUR HUSBAND, AN ABUSER, mostly
                 of the verbal kind. And believe me, I had a " Good " Teacher growing up, my verbally abusive
                 Father who degraded my Mother's Family and constantly called me stupid during my early
                 teenage years. For a certainty, I wasn't taught how to respect Women by observing my
                 Male Role Model(My Father). When I eventually write my WHO AM I testimony, I'll go into
                 more detail. A string of Marriages were severely damaged by my behavior, this is not to
                 say my Marriage Mates of the past were perfect Angels, but nevertheless, my reactions
                 and behavior were inexcusable.

                 Personally, from experience, in most cases, ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR stems from the DESIRE or
                 NEED to CONTROL other people, a CONTROL FREAK, this is usually done by the abuser to
                 control their environment and prevent things from turning out different from the ABUSERS
                 EXPECTATIONS of how " things should be". Once the desire to control other people was
                 recognized and dealt with, I was able to make significant progress. It still affects me and
                 looms in the shadow of my personality, but as the saying goes: " I've come a long way baby."


                 One last thing, as you probably already know, you can't change the behavior of an ABUSER,
                 only God can remove their desire to do this and usually CAUSE/EFFECT(Choices) will lead to
                 the eventual change in the ABUSER'S behavior. It may not happen in this lifetime(Age).
                 Certainly the ABUSER, can't do it, on their own. I remember praying to God, reading the
                 pertinent Scriptures relating to Marriage and how to treat your Wife and really wanting to
                 change and no matter how hard I prayed and tried and studied related Scripture, I couldn't
                 break the habit.

                  Before I sign off, I would strongly suggest you see the Movie entitled, FIREPROOF. It's
                  about a Marriage breaking up and what transpires thereafter, you might be beyond this,
                  in yours, but I will tell you, I couldn't stop crying, as much as I tried. I took my 14 year
                  old Daughter, to see it, she said it was the best Movie she ever saw. It stars Kirk Cameron,
                  although I certainly don't share his Theology, the Movie certainly sheds much value in
                  regards to Marriage relationships.

                                                    In God's Love & Guidance, Samson.

                 
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ez2u

  • Guest
Re: prayer
« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2008, 06:14:01 PM »

thank you Samson for your post  i did go on you tube and watch the trailer of  fireproof  not meaning to be harsh here but one who seeks truth  it looks like a fairy tale  and something i can not afford to consider.  i need to be quite frank now.  God  never put into my life someone that care about me  nor loved me on this earth   i mean a human being  besides my children  which is a different relationship  and a course there are boundaries  as i am the parent  and they need to be train up  i was for many years  thin and pretty  it didn't matter nor did it that i was a loving caring person.    it has been painful    most of my married life he wasn't at home working or being with his men friends I was left to raised the children and handle the problems by myself  with 6 children  i was busy  when i gave him attention  that when the abuse  happen  we think our lives are like a tv program or movie   maybe we watch to much and we are brain washed  i never figure out how this relationship was to be  there was none.  now  i am old  and  this void is here  i need to find a place in the Lord  to be loved and cared about   i don't know  if that is going to happen  either  what i do know is that prayer is a vital force on this earth, sometimes  i feel  people praying for me  and i feel stronger for it  your prayers are very much covenated  as i have been emotionally weak and  felt a sense of great discouragement.  i did not go to his doctor  because he was abusive before his heart condition and  i donn't want him  back in my life  again  he isn't going to change  God is not going to speak into his and change this person  to hope this is one of those christian church fairy tales  that rarely happen  we are just damage goods
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Ninny

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Re: prayer
« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2008, 10:47:13 PM »

Peggy, you are worth very much whether or not you believe it. You are talking just as I would expect an oppressed person to talk.  You have been fed these lies since childhood.  Do your children love and respect you? If they do then I think you should tell them what you're going through. They need to know how much pain you are in right now. If they could at least be praying for you if they don't know about what's been going on all this time then you need to tell them. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your kids, but you need them right now.

Right now it doesn't feel like God is merciful or loving, but I know he is. I am going to keep praying that He will send you help. You need help and God is going to send it. Please hang on and take care of yourself. Post whenever you need to talk we will be here listening and praying.
Love,
Kathy

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Marlene

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Re: prayer
« Reply #11 on: November 18, 2008, 11:29:52 PM »

Peggy, My Mother still to this day struggles with her abusiveness from My Father. He cheated and abused her for several of there marriage years. She thinks she is not valuable. I try to build her up. She believes in God, but often gets upset when I talk about God. My Father did change, but I know that there relationship was never what it could have been.
There is no one I believe but God who can gives us our self-worth. You are very valuable. I had a friend who was a singer. He wrote a song for a friend going through a divorce. It is called It The Love Of The Lord That Makes A Difference. We can all continue to pray for you. I believe prayer works.

My sister married an abusive man. When, we were little if I cried she would tell me get tuff. I however, grew up trying to fix my parents problems. It was a hard place to be. Now, to tell you how I dealt with it as a child. I would go out on my swing set and talk to God. It was the place I could go where no one could hurt me for whatever time I spent with him. I think going to God is about the best thing one can do.

It was kind of sad. My Sister was saving herself for marriage and she got raped. She had a child from this. My Father turned the other way. He took care of that little Girl from that rape. My sister never dated till my neice was 15 and then she married an abusive Man. She has grown hard from this life. They were married 20 years and divorced.  So, this can be come a cycle. I really do believe when you come from homes like that you can either be abusive or set yourself up for the very same thing in your life.

I wish, I had the answer. Cause I could help my 87 year old Mother.  I have been hurt by someone I loved and was going to marry. We never got married.
When, we get married we really are marrying strangers. We never know what that person will turn out like. Also, I had an Uncle that My Mothers sister married and he helped me to understand my father. But, he was like a Father to me. I went on my search for a man like him. I did find him, but you know it could have been fake too. But, I have been married 29 years now and he has helped me to heal. What, really has helped me to heal is God. I had lots of emotional times in the begining. I know there were times if I was him I would have gave up on me. It doesn't matter is you are beautiful, attractive or whatever they do it regardless if it is in them.

Samson is right. It comes from wanting to control. Lord, I tried to control every situation in my life. I tried to be the Saviour of the World. I had the weight of the world on me. I was wondering if your husband came from a bad home life.

You do whatever you feel is the best for you. I will continue to pray for you.  I know all of us on the forum love you. God loves you .

In His Love,
Marlene




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Jackie Lee

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Re: prayer
« Reply #12 on: November 19, 2008, 12:54:33 AM »

Good advice Marlene for her to do what she believes is right.

Peggy I pray you  have the strength to overcome this, just because your husband wants to keep you under his control, he needs to know he has no control over you only God.
I can't advise anyone but if my husband physically abused me, I can say I would be looking for God to make a way for me to leave.
I don't understand how a man could ever hit their wife, it certainly is not the way it should be.
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cjwood

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Re: prayer
« Reply #13 on: November 20, 2008, 11:19:45 PM »

hi peggy,
i have been thinking about you and was wondering how you are doing today? you are going through suffering and i just wanted to remind you that we are praying for you. you are God's daughter and you are very valuable to Him and to us.

claudia
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Marlene

  • Guest
Re: prayer
« Reply #14 on: November 23, 2008, 04:45:00 PM »

Peggy, Been praying for you and thinking about you. I sure hope you are ok. Just know that we on the forum love you.

In His Love,
Marlene
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Robin

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Re: prayer
« Reply #15 on: November 24, 2008, 08:48:35 AM »

Peggy,

I am damaged goods too, but God healed a lot of the damage. I am old too and I know I will be alone for the rest of my life. I am content alone now and I'm not lonely. I don't have that need to be loved now. Don't give up hope. You never know what a day will bring and God hasn't abandoned you. He is in control. Please have an emergency plan with a bag packed and a shelter to go to in case things escalate. If you assert yourself he may feel like he is losing control and the abuse may get worse.

You are in my prayers often and have a family here who loves you.

Hugs and prayers,
MG
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