I don't know what's wrong with me

[Sorin]

Thanks for the kind words Paula. I'm sorry if I offended you and thus caused you to leave. But I wasn't defending infidelity. I guess my view of what a marriage is differs from yours.  Hope you'll decide to come back.

Take care,
Sorin

[Bradigans]

I know exactly how you feel Sorin. I'm going back to work today. I had been terribly depressed. The beast from within shows his ugly head at times with me also. I had a problem with womanizing in the past. I've been clean for about three years oops I stand corrected, my wife (unceremonized) just corrected me and as said, it's been a little more than three years. She forgave me completely, and that was the love I needed. I believe it's THE LOVE (GOD'S LOVE) that I needed to overcome. That beast still tries to show his ugly head and it can be excruciating because I want and see my self at times wanting to give in to the temptation and vicariously at times, i do. But I know the shepherd that said, be still, alleluia!!! Mark 4:39 - And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.    I hate that beast, he knows how to at times to get me in fear, disbelief, and doubt. I believe in accordance to THE WORD, that's where the problem lies (in the fear, disbelief, doubt, shame, guilt). 2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Hebrews 4:16 - Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.   

[Deborah-Leigh]

This is a clip taken from one of Ray's e-mail responses. ......quote......

I know from experience that God is able to give us victory or any kind of sin, but first you will need to be convinced that what you are doing is a sin.....unquote

We are all sinners and we have in common that we have all fallen short of the mark and continue to do so. Nevertheless it is good to know it than not at all or to be in denial. I have posted the quote from Ray to encourage to press on towards that heavenly mark that is Christ and His Faith and Victory already won. Our hope rightfully should reside in HIM.

Peace to you

Arcturus

[hebrewroots98]

Hello Sorin,
Your statement of "...This is only the tip of the iceberg..." got me thinking about how hard it is to quit certain bad habits and even sins.  I have two brothers whom just quit doing drugs this past year after having done them for 26 years!  I'm talking the harshest drugs known to mankind...  I prayed for all of those years and I spent long stretches of times when I would not hear from them and I would be so worried about them, I wouldn't know if they were dead or alive.  Then there is alcoholic dad that has now drank for 60+ years, and he is finally just now giving it up (after an AAA/aortic anuerism has formed b/c of drinking; then the brothers whom have abandoned the family b/c of drugs and alcohol and caused to go to prison b/c of drugs, and the last brother whom is still drinking after 30yrs, oly he has cut back alot.  I was told last year that dad and brother had quit teirh drinkin, but they went back gradually.

The point is...EVERYTHING HAPPENS IN GODS' TIMING!  WHEN YOU SORIN ARE SUPPOSED TO STOP YOUR BAD HABITS, THEN THAT IS WHEN GOD WILL CLOSE THAT CHAPTER OF YOUR LIFE FOR YOU.  HE WILL GIVE YOU THE STRENGTH TO GET THROUGH YOUR TRIALS WHEN HE IS READY FOR YOU TO GET THROUGH THEM.  (jUST AS MY FAMILY MEMBERS  HAD TRIED IN THEIR OWN STRENGTH TO DEFEAT THEIR WOES, IT WASN'T UNTIL GOD WAS READY FOR THEM TO START ANEW THAT THEY CAME CLEAN!)  SOME FELL BACK INTO THE FLESH AT TIMES, BUT THAT TOO IS WHAT GOD UNDERSTOOD  FOR HIS PLAN TO BE FOR THEM IN THE LONGRUN.

YOUR'E IN MY PRAYERS MY FRIEND

[inezray]

Hello Sorin,

Please dont give up and please dont fret over the cigerettes. You will not be able to quit until God works it out. When I first became a believer back in the 70's my desire to quit smoking was very strong because I wanted to please God. I remember being in torment daily for at least 5 years before I quit cold turkey.Ten years of being smoke free I went back to it due to causes that God brought about.   I was in the desert spiritually but ultimately brought me to the  reconcillation of all.
This past July I ended up in the emergency room because I couldn't breathe and was admited because I had pnemonia. They found a tumor in my left lung which turned out to be cancer. In September I had a third of my right lung removed and this month had my last chemotherepy treatment. I have not smoked since and had no problem quitting. It wasnt easy getting that diagnosis but I thank God  I got sick so they could find the cancer in it's very first stage. My brother died of lung cancer two months ago, never quit smoking and lived for 11 years as a smoker with only one lung. Go figure.
I thank God for the cancer now for it opened a whole new world of campassion for me . So many people are sick and suffering with it and need so much encoureing. I dont know what God has in store for you but hang in there. I had considered God wasn't real and becoming an atheist would be better but I dont believe God gives up on his own and he brought me back.

In Him,
Inez

[Deborah-Leigh]

Inez

My sincere condolances to you and your family on the loss of your brother.

Peace to you as you continue in the plan of God in your life. Thank you for sharing with us.

Arcturus

[Sorin]

Inez,

First, I am sorry for your and your family's loss. Second, thanks for the encouraging words and for sharing that with us. Third, you said: "I had considered God wasn't real and becoming an atheist would be better but I dont believe God gives up on his own and he brought me back."

That's pretty much where I am now, I've been considering that lately as well. It's basically an inner tug-of-war going on in my mind and I seriously can't decide which way to let my self be pulled. I mean if God doesn't exist, and I have free-will and I am in control of my own destiny, then I can only blame myself for all the stupid, shameful, and regretable things I've done in my life which made me end up in this awful situation I am in now. If God does exist, and I have no free-will and I am not in control of my own destiny because it has been predetermined by God, then I am mad at God for not only my past, but also the situation I am in now and it seems like all my prayers have been in vain. If He truly exists, why won't He answer me?

[Craig]

Sorin I feel for you pal, but you are the one making the choices, God is chastening you to make the right choices, he may know that you are going to make the wrong choice and give you the trials you are living through to bring you to the point of making the right choice. 

Just don't blame God for the wrong choices you make, we are all sinning machines and make wrong choices all the time.  If it's any consulation to you, the more you are chastened the more times you will make the right choice.  Some of us have to have more lashes than others though

You are in my prayers.

Craig

[longhorn]

Sorin I feel for you pal, but you are the one making the choices, God is chastening you to make the right choices, he may know that you are going to make the wrong choice and give you the trials you are living through to bring you to the point of making the right choice. 

Just don't blame God for the wrong choices you make, we are all sinning machines and make wrong choices all the time.  If it's any consulation to you, the more you are chastened the more times you will make the right choice.  Some of us have to have more lashes than others though

You are in my prayers.

Craig

Tell me about it, my rear end looks like one of those baboons with the red butt you see at the zoo.

Longhorn

[Bradigans]

"Tell me about it, my rear end looks like one of those baboons with the red butt you see at the zoo."


I truly love this Longhorn guy. I hope to meet (Lord willing) some of yall some day.

Anyway, i know exactly where you're coming from Sorin. Maybe, we've all been there. I just thank God that when i'm faithless, He's faithful. We have a faithful shepherd whose faithfulness doesn't depend on us. Matthew 18:12 - How think ye? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray?  i've been there ooooh how so many times. God willing, i hope not to go back because i love Him because He first loves me.

IN HIS LOVE,


Bradford

[Bradigans]

I'm not bragging and I don't take God's grace lightly, but for edification, i'm going to tell you something brother. Just a few months ago when i was feeling my strongest in THE LORD i started entertaining online porn. i've never been into porn. Just out of nowhere. I felt like asking God, what the heck is going on here? I even visited some cam sites. I felt the wrestling of two forces from within. Sometimes, you have just got to (BE STILL), the hell to what your mind is telling you. BEEEE STILL. Mark 4:39 - And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.    I believe our pride sometimes allow that other head to exert it's force a little bit. I love you...


IN HIS LOVE,

Bradford

[rrammfcitktturjsp]

Bradford,

  I would agree.  Pride rears its ugly head in my life often.  I have been praying to God to smash the heck out of it. 

  Sincerely,



Anne C. McGuire

[Sorin]

Well to answer the questions from the 'joy' thread. The reason I'm not experiencing any joy is because I am just so depressed, feel like my whole life has been and still is, a waste. I'm 26 and have nothing to show for it.  My prayers go unanswered, seems like I pray in vain. I'm constantly struggling between obeying God and giving into the pleasures of the flesh.

I don't feel that calmness or peace after prayer like I once felt. Perhaps God has forsaken me.... because He has shown me the truth and has forgiven
me and I turned my back on him and went back to my old ways. So perhaps I've committed the unforgiveable sin, and it's too late too be forgiven again in this age. I don't know, but it just seems like God hates me and is refusing to allow anything happen in my life that would bring me any sort of happiness and thankfuless and that would make me actually be glad to be alive. And like I said before, this is only the tip of the iceberg.

-Sorin

[rrammfcitktturjsp]

Sorin,

  My heart goes out to you Brother.  If there is anything that I can do to help or if you wish to vent, you may PM me.  I will be praying for you.  I know that advice is the last thing that you need now, becuase advice is given out of a judging Magesterium.  All I can do it offer my prayers and my love for you brother as you are going through a difficult time.

  My prayers will include you in them.  May God bless You and yours.  May he take the pain and mold you into something so wonderful.  May you truly feel the touch of the Master's Hand.

  Sincerely,




  Anne C. McGuire

[iris]

Hi Sorin,

I hope everything gets better.
I'll be praying for you.

Iris

[PKnowler]

Well to answer the questions from the 'joy' thread. The reason I'm not experiencing any joy is because I am just so depressed, feel like my whole life has been and still is, a waste. I'm 26 and have nothing to show for it.  My prayers go unanswered, seems like I pray in vain. I'm constantly struggling between obeying God and giving into the pleasures of the flesh.

I don't feel that calmness or peace after prayer like I once felt. Perhaps God has forsaken me.... because He has shown me the truth and has forgiven
me and I turned my back on him and went back to my old ways. So perhaps I've committed the unforgiveable sin, and it's too late too be forgiven again in this age. I don't know, but it just seems like God hates me and is refusing to allow anything happen in my life that would bring me any sort of happiness and thankfuless and that would make me actually be glad to be alive. And like I said before, this is only the tip of the iceberg.
-Sorin

Sorin,

    My heart goes out to you! Thank you for sharing with us a little of what you are going through. As Anne said, I also extend my ear if you need someone to talk to. You can always write and talk to me bro. I really care for you! I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way. I'm sure if I knew more about you there are things that I could point out to you to show God's working in your life. I can say with confidence that I know God has a plan and a purpose for your life! And everything that you are going through now He is using to make you into the person he wants you to be. Sorin you have touched lives whether you know it or not! That's not nothing. You have touched me in this brief period of knowing you.

I can identify with your struggle in the flesh. I have it too. I struggle between obeying God and giving into the pleasures of my flesh. Is there anyone here that doesn't have this struggle in the flesh? I wish I could just have victory of the sin that so easily besets me!

I know that God has a special bond of love amongst his people and Sorin I care about you and what you are going through.
Sorin you have not committed the unpardonable sin. Surely that sin would be turning your back on Jesus and the Holy Spirit's working and we know that sin will be burnt out at the Lake of Fire and in the end every knee will bow -so none will reject Him forever.

I know you well enough to know that you have a tender heart towards God and spiritual things and I see God's working in your life through your letters.

Peace to you Bro!
Love your sis in Christ,
~Paula

[Redbird]

Dear Sorin,

May God hold you gently in his loving hands.

Peace, Lisa

[Sorin]

Thank you all for your prayers and support. May God bless you all.
And Paula I'm sorry to hear about your son. My condolences.

Sorin

[longhorn]

Trust me Sorin, you are not alone.  God has dragged us out of Babylon and as much as a privilage as that is, it is also a promise of many tribulations.  If things get too rough, PM me and we will have a cyber-space cold brew together.

Longhorn

[Sorin]

Thanks Longhorn my friend, if I were drinking right now I'd say cheers.