9 Words Women Use

[Craig]

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... That will bring on a "whatever").

( Whatever: Is a women's way of saying "GOSH......You are such an Idiot!!".

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.

[Deborah-Leigh]

What are the men's words?.............Men are from Mars right?

[musicman]

"Oh no you didn't"

Means don't think, just get away as quickly as possible.  Move it priest!!  Get outta there!!

[kweli]

I've been taught that men's words should be YES, SURE, GO AHEAD. Anything out of that frame of reference is the cause of WWIII, armageddon style. Is this something I must unlearn as well?

[Falconn003]

What are the men's words?.............Men are from Mars right?

1. You look nice.   translation::  can WE GO already !!! 

Rodger

[Samson]

       
             # 10) DEAD SILENCE AFTER AN ARGUMENT YOU'LL NEVER WIN LASTING FOR AIONS & AIONS & AIONS AND IF YOUR THE GUY, YOUR USUALLY WRONG,  .

                   By the way Arcturus, we have that new Venus and Mars book, 

                                       
                                             Samson.

                P.S. My wife says, don't forget. Yes Dear, meaning shut up.

[Deborah-Leigh]

The one thing that stuck from that book was the difference between COULD you and WOULD you!

That has made quite a difference. Like noticing the words we use! can help in friendly non-confrontational communications! 

Silence also works! not the silent treatment....just not answering that stupid question while maintaining perfect composure and sensitivity. I guess you have to experience it to know what I mean. It has a boomerang effect that I have not mastered or practised. All it does is make you think about what you are saying by hitting a proverbial silent invisible wall Like Elvis Presley's "Return to sender...address unknown...no such number...

Peace to you

Arcturus

[KristaD]

Hmmm, should I be offended that my husband found that hilarious?? Ah, who am I kidding, so did I . Very true; very, very true.

[hebrewroots98]

OH NO YOU 'GUYS' DIDN'T!!!!

I guess girls that we all need to just ban together and get into THE BOX  where our men are and where and where all that they can think of is just one thing at a time and where they are actually very happy to be in that box DOING NOTHING AT ALL (how does a person do nothing at all?).  We need to get in that box of theirs to try to figure out what the male species communicative language is.  For example, since most men do not speak in actual words, we need to be able to discern what their different  grunts actually mean; one grunt means yes, two grunts means no and three grunts simply mean that they DONT' WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT....hmmm   ::)four grunts, well, we won't go there if ya know what I mean

[gmik]

 

What a riot.  I have to print this off for dh.  He just had rotator cuff surgery--  talk about doing nothing and grunting. !!!

What about the  Yes, dear....from behind the newspaper???

[Samson]

What a riot.  I have to print this off for dh.  He just had rotator cuff surgery--  talk about doing nothing and grunting. !!!

What about the  Yes, dear....from behind the newspaper???

Ha Ha Ha,  , in our household, the man(me) responds with alright, alright, alright or yeah, yeah, yeah and the woman(my wife), responds with Yes Dear. The Martians and the Venutians should make a truce, 

                               The Man from Mars, Samson.

[Kent]

OH NO YOU 'GUYS' DIDN'T!!!!

I guess girls that we all need to just ban together and get into THE BOX  where our men are and where and where all that they can think of is just one thing at a time and where they are actually very happy to be in that box DOING NOTHING AT ALL (how does a person do nothing at all?).  We need to get in that box of theirs to try to figure out what the male species communicative language is.  For example, since most men do not speak in actual words, we need to be able to discern what their different  grunts actually mean; one grunt means yes, two grunts means no and three grunts simply mean that they DONT' WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT....hmmm   ::)four grunts, well, we won't go there if ya know what I mean

We dont grunt. Our yes means yes, and our no means no. But with women, yes can mean no and no can mean yes, when some sort of unknown magical circumstances line up with the planets and stars and the day of the week has a "s" in it  and it's a sunny day

That does not include womens "maybe", when the circumstances get even more unknowable.

Then, there is the "I changed my mind"... the reasons for which are totally unfathomable.

It's a wonder any of us were ever born.

[Samson]

Hello Kent,     That does not include womens "maybe", when the circumstances get even more

                    unknowable.

Then, there is the "I changed my mind"... the reasons for which are totally unfathomable.

It's a wonder any of us were ever born.
nt,

               
                    I guess that I should consider myself a very fortunate Man, my wife rarely ever says, " I changed my mind " 

                                             Samson.


               

[hillsbororiver]

Hi all, don't be discouraged guys, we still have a few perks;

Phone conversations last 30 seconds.

You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

You can open all your own jars.

Old friends don't care if you've lost or gained weight.

When clicking through the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying.

You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go.

You can go to the bathroom alone.

Your last name stays put.

You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

The garage is all yours.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."

Cleaning the toilet is optional.

You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend.

Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3.

None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night.

If you're 34 and single, no one notices.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

Flowers and/or Duct Tape fix everything .

You never have to worry about other's feelings.

Three pair of shoes are more than enough.

You can say anything and not worry about what people think.

You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't care if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.

You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking, "He must be mad at me."

One mood, all the time.

You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him.

Gray hair and wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks.

You don't care if someone is talking behind your back.

You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else's.

The remote is yours and yours alone.

You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom.

If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny.

If you retain water, it is in a canteen.

Feeling encouraged?

Peace,

Joe

[Matt]

Ever notice why so many unpleasant things for women sound like they have a male influence....
MEN-struation, MEN-opause, HIS-terectomy.....

[Deborah-Leigh]

A-Men

[UncleBeau]

Shouldn't this be called "19" words?

[gmik]

Yeah, but its so funny who's countin'?

Good ones Joe.  We really ARE from Mars and Venus!!!

[Matt]

Two New Additions Periodic Table of Elements

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: XX
Atomic Weight: Don't even go there.
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at anytime. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. Extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful wealth-reducing agent known.
Caution: Unstable and highly explosive in inexperienced hands.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: 180+/- 50 lb.
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with XX any chance it gets.  Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time.
Usage: None proven. Possibly a good methane source. Some specimens are able to produce large quantities of methane on command.
Caution: In the absence of XX, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

[hebrewroots98]

....IS IT OKAY TOHAVE A 'HEADACHE' NOW THAT WE GIRLS ARE OUTNUMBERED HERE?