Job

[WhoAmI]

A freckled-faced Florida teen had a job bagging groceries at an Orlando supermarket. He hated the job but worked hard at it. One day, the store installed a machine to squeeze fresh orange juice and was looking for someone to run it. The boy was eager for the new position but the boss turned him down cold. When asked why, the manager explained, "Sorry, kid. Everybody knows baggers can't be juicers."

[Beloved]

a punster I see

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as
the lesser of two weevils.

beloved

[WhoAmI]

Yeah I am...got that dry humor.

Thanks for adding to my collection. :-)

[Beloved]

Okay all you BT punsters wordaholics, verbivores and logolepts and lovers of the english language out there , lets all add to Who AM I's collection.

Did you hear they found a narcissistic male lion whose females had turned on him?   No, really?  Yeah. Course it was his pride that did him in...  by some  guy named Justin

here is an interesting one to ponder

God's
"Thing ToDo" list
isn't posted on the fridge
written on paper
or orbiting in cybersapace
it's encoded
in your genes

What are you doin today?            by Tom Armstrong

beloved

[aqrinc]

Beloved,

Encoded is right, part of our dna 

george.

Okay all you BT punsters wordaholics, verbivores and logolepts and lovers of the english language out there , lets all add to Who AM I's collection.

Did you hear they found a narcissistic male lion whose females had turned on him?   No, really?  Yeah. Course it was his pride that did him in...  by some  guy named Justin

here is an interesting one to ponder

God's
"Thing ToDo" list
isn't posted on the fridge
written on paper
or orbiting in cybersapace
it's encoded
in your genesWhat are you doin today?            by Tom Armstrong

beloved

[Kat]

Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Knee: a device for finding rocks in your garden.

Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration.


What gets bigger the more you take away?
v

v

v

v
A hole.


People are like Potatoes!   
Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are content to watch others ...
    They are called "Speck Tators."

Some are always looking to cause problems and really get under your skin ...
    They are called "Aggie Tators."

There are those who are always saying they will, but somehow, they never get around to doing  ...
    We call them "Hezzie Tators." 

Some folks spent a lot of time sitting and peering into their garden ... 
    They are called "Medi Tators."



Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.'  Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.  They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!   But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a couch potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University), so that when she graduated she'd really be in the chips.

When she went off to Europe, Mr and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland, and the greasy guys from France called the french fries.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say 'Frito Lay.'

Yet, in spite of all they did for her, one day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.  Tom Brokaw!  Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.  They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just a commen-tator.


Kat 

[aqrinc]

Brokejaw commen-tator

R O T F L

george.

[Beloved]

These are Haiku Puns that I found  ? aurthor


Serene Japanese Computer Messages
Here are 16 actual error messages seen on the computer screens in Japan,
where they are written in Haiku. Aren't these better than, "your computer
has performed an illegal operation"?

The Web site you seek
cannot be located, but
countless more exist.
--------------------------------------------
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
-----------------------------------------------
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
------------------------------------------------
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
-------------------------------------------------
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
-------------------------------------------------
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
-------------------------------------------
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
-------------------------------------------------
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
-------------------------------------------------
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
-------------------------------------------------
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
-------------------------------------------------
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
but we never will.
------------------------------------------------
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
must now be retyped.
-------------------------------------------------
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

beloved

[Dave in Tenn]

I can't remember jokes to save my life, but I'll tell you an embarassing true story.

My first 'real' job was as a manager of a small clothes store.  One of the ladies working there was quite a bit older than me, and we were both busily putting out new stock.  She was dealing with a shipment of painter pants (remember those?), hanging them on a particular rack. 

When she saw she didn't have enough to fill it, she asked, "What should I do with my pants?"

So I thought for a minute, then shouted across the store, "Why don't you pull your pants down and hang on that other rack."

We both realized what I had said at the same time, and life wasn't the same after that.

[daywalker]

Hey Beloved,

As an I.T., I must say, these were quite entertaining! Certainly better than any of the error messages we commonly see, especially "your computer has performed an illegal operation"... 



Daywalker

These are Haiku Puns that I found  ? aurthor


Serene Japanese Computer Messages
Here are 16 actual error messages seen on the computer screens in Japan,
where they are written in Haiku. Aren't these better than, "your computer
has performed an illegal operation"?

The Web site you seek
cannot be located, but
countless more exist.
--------------------------------------------
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
-----------------------------------------------
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
------------------------------------------------
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
-------------------------------------------------
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
-------------------------------------------------
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
-------------------------------------------
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
-------------------------------------------------
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
-------------------------------------------------
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
-------------------------------------------------
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
-------------------------------------------------
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
but we never will.
------------------------------------------------
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
must now be retyped.
-------------------------------------------------
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

beloved

[judith collier]

I love the haiku.  Judy