Well, I’ve read and reread each of your replies and would like to respond to some of them. (If I don’t respond to yours, please don’t take that to mean you weren’t helpful, because each of you were!)
Patrick – I can relate when you say, “I can be having a great day, and someone nearly crashes into me or is rude/vulgar; I can explode in a rage so fast.” I can be the same way. It’s weird how sometimes the littlest thing will set me off, but at another day or time, I would’ve just shrugged it off or laughed about it.
Ward – I really do think I have forgiven him, as you said, but what God is teaching me in all this, I have yet to discover. As for your question (“If somehow you come to the conclusion that you have actually forgiven this man, will you remember that it wasn't you, but God?”), my answer is Yes. I can’t forgive him (or anyone) on my own; I tried that. Didn’t work.
Angie – You could be right that I’ve made him my mental scapegoat. Any time I go off on my “man-hating” rants, he’s one of the first to pop into my head. All those old feelings from the past get drudged back up, and the hurt is still there.
Marie – Yes, he does need my prayers. As I said, if he’s that miserable, he is to be pitied.
Chuck – You said, “Something about this man just really got under your skin, and it's being used over and over against you.” Yep. You hit the nail on the head! It reminds me of all the emotional abuse I endured with my first boyfriend, and how I wish I would’ve kicked that repairman out like I eventually did to my b/f. If I had it to do over again—give me just 5 minutes with him—I’d get all my anger out and be done with it. (OK, it’s starting again … UUUUGGGGH!!!)
Mary Ann – You said, “When you find yourself in this state, try singing your favorite song, worship God, sing praises to His name. Keep praising him until the yoke is broken.” Looks like it’s time for me to start doing that now, LOL!
Sandy