> General Discussions
Losing the will to live... Feels like I was born in Hell
loretta:
Pierdut, in our attempt to help you, many of us have perhaps misjudged you and we're sorry. These are the shortcomings of online fellowship - we only know so much about the other. But that is good sometimes, if we really knew the truth about each other our carnal selves would definitely deliver the kiss of death :( It's not hard to see that you are indeed having a rough time and you are questioning WHY? None of us on the forum are strangers to what you are going through. Embarking on life, I set up personal goals for myself; a good education, a good career and a good marriage. Notice the emphasis on good? Well, I did achieve everything, but it was not good! One by one God tore down every thing my carnal self was seeking. It did make me resentful as I was an intelligent and hardworking person, and today my contemporaries are more successful than I. Successful according to the world's standard, not God's and until I saw the difference, or God caused me to see the difference by renewing my mind, I continued to despair.
JfK, I think I understand what you are trying to accomplish. Even I too was worried that Pierdut was at the end of himself and I too felt like shaking him out of it before he did something he regretted. But we must balance our concern with compassion lest we throw the baby out with the bathwater. And I think that the Kiss of Death was an unfair comparison to those who choose to be lead by their heart and their personal experiences.
Rhys, I read your introduction and am moved by your testimony and those of others who share your experience. By comparison, my trials seem light and momentary. And yet you display so much joy and compassion, no one would have guessed how much you’ve travailed. You are all such an inspiration to us on our individual journeys.
God bless you all.
Rhys 🕊:
--- Quote from: loretta on October 16, 2013, 11:34:54 PM ---
Rhys, I read your introduction and am moved by your testimony and those of others who share your experience. By comparison, my trials seem light and momentary. And yet you display so much joy and compassion, no one would have guessed how much you’ve travailed. You are all such an inspiration to us on our individual journeys.
--- End quote ---
Thank you Loretta. I'm encouraged by your posts from your heart too....bless you
Deborah-Leigh:
Hi Pierdut
I know EXACTLY the feelings you are expressing. They can get worse!
Quite aside how such deep disturbing emotions may arise, they are so wrenching and debilitating! To say otherwise is unbelievable. To skirt around the horrors capable of deranging the human will to live, is stupid as were those friends of Job, except for Elihu, who did not incur God's disdain. I am right there on the truck with you buddy! Right in the ash and black disheartening terror.
What stood out for me, in your well written account of misery, is your statement that you are cursed. THAT stood out as the linch pin of agony, like the thorn in the side of Paul, without the blessed insights that Paul said he received and could not share with us.
I AM, is part of Gods Name, I AM THAT I AM.
To say I am.....whatever.....is to declare a truth!
To profess, I am cursed, is an enormously bold declaration.
Who among us can discredit or change or elieviate the angst brought on in the wake of such belief?
Try as anyone may, we are not of any power to overthrow such belief and conviction that is presented as part of the evidence you express.
You say you are cursed. Okay. You say it so let it be that this is true for you. No contest. No debate. Your statement is received as true for you!
True for YOU is NOT truth!
I Am The Way, The TRUTH and The Life.
You, Pierdut, are in the meeting place of TRUTH.
Do you curse God in your unawareness that part of the name of God is I Am....have I not said you are God's.
Who is the I Am that speaks Pierdut? Find that I Am...who THAT is, and bring your evidence!
PRESENT I AM. Present TRUTH. Not what is true for you that has no opposition. Experience is not Truth. The truth of how you are evaluating misery is also not Truth. I Am The Way, The TRUTH.....
What is true for HUMAN GRIEF is of no value AS TRUTH! In the tribulations and agony is an experience that leads to the revaluation OF TRUTH. This is The Way, into The Kingdom within you and I and every soul on earth. It is the same Way for all.
I have endured great travail and am infinitely grateful for the aftermath of great angst that fear in the mighty hand of God, delivers to EXPELL ignorance and shallow leanings on futile understanding.
All who have prayed, who have contributed to ease agony, who have written in this Thread, do so because it is meant to be, for and to the wisdom of our Creator I Am That I Am, CREATING IN HIS IMAGE THE YOU THAT YOU ARE ABOVE PAIN YET NOT INDIFFERENT TO ANY WHO SUFFER.
Ian 155:
I dont know about this syrupy stuff anymore this road has now gooooten to be hard ....SO HARD - I expect it to get 7 times harder so we all need to be prepared I think i know how you are feeling now Pierdut I cannot lie though - Powder ..............the "old man will become" and the new will be built - no apologies mate its just a spiritual fact "unless a kernel fall to the ground and die it cannot live" not sure of your age however if you are young and going thru this now you are blessed
One thing that helps me is to reflect on the words GOD IS SOVEREIGN 'GOD created me ,knows what i can take ,will not give me more read Jeremiah read Jonah and ask Jesus to open yr eyes as did blind Barthemaous ...
PS Your oasis in the wilderness will come and after you have had a gulp its back to the grindstone
You are called and there is no such word as hell
space.ace.jase:
Why do you feel to need to kick people while they are down JFK? It speaks greatly about the kind of person you are. I love how you finish your post saying that anyone who gives words of encouragement is fake!
Pierdut I'm sorry that you are struggling so much but all I can say is just try to hang on and tackle life day by day. You never know what is just around the corner and it could be tomorrow that you have your breakthrough. Best of luck friend
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