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My own private hell

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Shmeggly:
I am changing (for the better) in the midst of this....I am coming to realize how much I have hurt my wife over the years, and how she has held onto those hurts....she remembers each one like it happened yesterday.  I say this because today brought up some of those times. 

I trully feel sorry for the things I've done over the years; I don't know if I really would have understood it before all this happened.  It's almost like finding Ray's site: you know that moment when your eyes are opened, and you wonder how you didn't understand things all along. 

So, in alot of ways, this whole thing IS for the better; and I hope my wife finds healing through it too.  I know I want too.  Even if we never are together again, I will be thankful for God changing my heart, and opening my eyes.  And that is not easy to say, considering how my day has gone....but I won't go into that!

Thanks for everyone who read this, and those who helped, and I hope that this maybe helped someone in their own time of hell. 

Hey oneofthefew:  glad you posted!  Regardless of how this all turns out...my life has been changed for the better in a way that probably never would have happened otherwise, so for that I am grateful.  Today was despair, mixed with sorrow and asking God for forgiveness for the past.  But I am thankful for what He is doing in my life....I hope you continue to post and share on this forum....take care...James

dogcombat:
Here's the "My Selfish Prayers" thread

http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,3218.0.html

Ches

Deborah-Leigh:
Hello Shmeggly

You posted something to me in the Forum a week or two back, that the Lord used to lift me up and encourage me when I was feeling isolated and lonely. For the next day or two after that, your Forum name kept circling in my mind with waves of joy and innocence! Shmeggly Shmeggly... :D ;D

Your testimony that began this thread prompts me to disclose that the Lord used you to lift me up when I needed it. HE does not always to everyone, tell what He is doing or how HE is working but HE IS working all things for good to those who love Him, and most of the time this work feels as if it is painful and distressing at best and awful, excruciating desperately agonising at worst.

Ray calls it Lemons. Ray also assures us that God makes the Lemons and the Lemonade. The Lemonade is GOOD! ;D

May God continue to bless you in your needs.

Peace be to you

Arcturus :)

Shmeggly:
Thanks Ches....I just read the thread! 

Arcturus:  thanks for your words of encouragement!  I'm glad if I have encouraged you in any way....that is something I sincerely want to do: lift people up and encourage. 

You're right; and God is not showing me how He is working....that is what's hard.  But then I have to just put my absolute trust in Him, and be content no matter the circumstances...which is NOT easy!  :)

I do however, catch glimpses of Him at work in our lives; His handiwork and just a whisper of why this is happening.  Then it's gone, and I wonder if I imagined it.  There have been days of hope, followed by days of despair; I think God wants me stable regardless of what's happening....there is a lot that I believe I need dealt with, and it seems to be happening.  My wife too....

So thanks for all the encouragement....and your prayers. 

I hope things are going better for you Arcturus; I haven't had much time to read posts lately.  But I hope to have the time soon....take care and may the peace of God be on you; I really mean that!  J

gmik:
Good reminder Ches!!  I loved that!

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