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My own private hell
SixFour:
James,
Peace to you!
I'll just add this: I've been where you are, 12 years ago. Details were a little different from yours, but my world was turned upside down when my first wife left me. And we were both "in church" as they say.
I've been on the same "roller-coaster" emotional ride. I remember all the words I spoke in anger (more like yelled!) that I repented of later. I feel you. At that time in my life, I was still in the Babylonian mode of thinking, that is, always looking for what God can do FOR us, and not what He wants to do IN us. After all, I was a faithful member of a large Charismatic/Word of Faith church at the time. I didn't realize at the time the fire being turned up in my life was for a purpose. And not just for me, but for my now ex-wife.
Nevertheless, know too that I am praying for you and your family. I know this is no easy walk.
James
SixFour:
Pera,
'So glad to hear things are better for you. And I appreciate your "up-beat-ness!" ;D
James
gmik:
Pera, good news indeed!!!
Six four and Smeggly--2 James. Hope we can remember that :D
Guys, my heart goes out to you. My mom married 5 times thru out my first 18 years. But.....I have been married to one man 33 years. I used to be proud of that as tho I actually had anything to do w/ it!!! Now I know, it was God and God alone.
I don't understand the whys and wherefors of all our journeys. Some so painful, others not. Jesus won't give us trials that He won't make a way to get thru. Hold on. Trust Him. Get to know Him intimately. He is faithful!
Shmeggly:
Pera, my heart literally jumped for joy when I read your post!!! I am very happy for you, and want only the best for you and your whole family. I know it is God that is responsible for that. So I thank Him for doing that in your life. I really do pray that He just brings you 2 closer and closer together, and that the remaining years of your marriage would be like gold.
James (nice name!) :)....I am now just wanting whatever God wants....I still want to be married etc., but lately we've been sniping at each other, and I know that we would never make it without God wanting us to be together. So I am at peace, even though I still go through sadness just thinking about the good times in our marriage....so much that is familiar, and intimate, like sharing space and being comfortable; well, you know what I mean. There is so much more along those lines. But it is over in my mind....I have given up. But I think that is what God wanted. I'm still willing to do what He wants.
So, either God will bring us together again (after seperation) or we'll go our seperate ways for good. I am so worn down by all this....like I said, only God could change us in order to live peacefully together.
It seems like when I say something, she says the exact opposite and opposes me. Time and time again. There is zero agreement, and no peace. (ME: "The sky is sure blue today"....HER: "NO IT'S NOT, WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?!?!?!".... as she's yelling.... ;D)
I think that has been a huge factor in the marriage all along. When I say black, she automatically says white, and I think she does it subconsciously. Oh, well, I'm not getting into that. Just feeling very worn out....and feeling pity for myself again as I see the happy couples in the neighborhood go for strolls, hand in hand....
Yes: God's plan, forgot that for a moment! ??? I have been praying and saying I'm willing to do what God wants, it's almost like a surrender. I have been worn down, and now I'm beat and at His mercy....and at His mercy is where I want to be! I just wish I wasn't so ornery lately, everything is making me upset....and I have ups and downs like crazy....
Life goes on, and in a lot of ways, crazy as it may seem, I am looking forward to moving on. Hopefully debt will be gone, I'll have some peace and quiet, and time to reflect on life etc. Work on music, my health (getting back in shape!) and maybe writing a kids book....just something I've had in the back of my mind for awhile.
Yes Gena, I think God wants me to know Him intimately; I used to have a superficial relationship, it has gotten better....refiner's fire! J
oneofthefew:
Hi Shmeggly,
I'm new to this forum and I just want to praise God for your life!!!
It's just awesome and amazing how even the "bad", the "worst", the "evil" and whatever name we may call that unpleasant or "hell-like" experience we have CAN have an effect and impact AS GOOD, as REFRESHING, as LIFE-CHANGING (or even more) as when we just talk about the "good" things.
This is indeed the work of an all-wise, all-knowing GOD who is able to responsibly use ALL things (good or bad) for His glorious purposes.
God be with you.
oneofthefew
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