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My own private hell
cjwood:
--- Quote from: skydreamers on July 13, 2007, 02:24:29 AM ---Hi James and Pera,
My heart goes out to you guys. Situation like yours are truly tragic, especially when children are involved, and it's obvious that both of you are loving men who want to do what's right for your families. My prayers are with you both.
Jesus sermon on the mount comes to mind. These are truly mysterious words of Jesus, because they go against everything that is carnal in us:
Blessed are those who mourn...
Matthew 5:4
I have read that and thought, "Excuse me?" When you look up how "blessed" is defined, here is what it says:
* supremely blessed, fortunate, well-off, happy
I am sure neither of you would say you feel like this right now...but Jesus assures us that you are blessed in your mourning....why?
...for they shall be comforted.
Matthew 5:4
There is something about situations like these in which Jesus can reach down and comfort us in the deepest depths of our souls. So you ask, how can he comfort?
Are you not the greatest comfort to others, when they know you yourself have been there, completely understand what they are going through, and so are not alone in their pain?
Are you not the greatest comfort to someone when you identify with their pain?
If you are in emotional pain, so is your Creator. Not just in the sense that He's been there, done that....but He IS there, right there with you, in the depths of your pain...in fact, it is my deepest sense that any of our pain is no match for the suffering of our Father.
I do not believe that it is the Father's ultimate will that we should suffer through broken relationships, but it is His temporary will, as it is necessary to get us to where we are going and to teach us by experience the very depths of God...who is suffering at present through more broken relationships than our Father??
The brokeness you feel for your wives and children in the suffering they go through is only the slightest inkling of what a purely loving Creator feels for His creation, and in this, is there not comfort?
When I have been in pain, my truest friends have been those who cried with me, and in this there is a strange kind of comfort, because we all carry the baggage of a million hurts as we struggle through this life. And so there is unity and purity, there at that place of mourning....a place of comfort. God is there with you, not just as a Father patting you on the shoulder saying "there, there", but as a friend saying, "I weep with you, your pain is mine..."
So, if we look down at the face of our Savior, who is washing OUR feet, and who is weeping over the brokenness of OUR relationship with Him, our hearts can go out to Him...if we can see that His pain is greater than ours...would not this move our hearts to....want to comfort Him...and this changes our hearts...melts our hearts...causes us to want to give all of our hearts to Him, who is suffering...
I think that is why Jesus says:
Matthew 25:35-40
For I was hungry and you gave ME food, I was thirsty and you gave ME drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed ME
I was naked and you clothed ME, I was sick and you visited ME, I was in prison and you came to ME.
...Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to ME.
To the carnal, it is a contradiction, to the spiritual it is poetry, to the heart it is comfort...
Much luv and respect to both of you,
Peace,
Diana
--- End quote ---
thank you skydreamers. i know your reply was directed to james and pera, but it was for me too. i shared just a wee bit of my current situation, per my post, which dennis named "my story". i never thought about our Father not just being with us in our suffering, but suffering with us, experiencing what we were feeling. His love for me and us all is being shown to me by Him more and more. He loves us more and He loves us most. ray said in one of his transcripts that in loving and helping others we can let go of our own fears and better understand what our purpose for being here is (not his exact words, but pretty close i think). you have such an awesome way of putting things into words.
your sister in Christ,
claudia
p.s. my heart aches for you too james and pera.
skydreamers:
--- Quote ---Ok, the scary thing is Diana...that I have had that passage from Hosea on my mind....and had forgotten it for awhile, then was thinking of it again this morning between 5 and 9 o'clock....I knew God is speaking to me about that. I hope it doesn't come to adultery, which I don't think it will for certain reasons...I know I couldn't handle that. But that passage has been brought up to me time and again in my mind. And of course I keep putting it out of my mind....
--- End quote ---
Hi James, yes I also don't think the passage in Hosea has anything to do with whether or not your wife will commit "adultery". But it does seem she is at present rejecting her role as a faithful wife to you, regardless of her reasons. It seems right now she can't make sense of what's going on inside her, she's in pain and can't help it. But that really is the point in Hosea. The husband (who typifies Christ) knows that his bride (God's people) can't help what they are doing in their rejection. It is part of the process. So perhaps this is what God is wanting to show you: you and your wife...but also you "as the wife"....see what I mean?
--- Quote ---I thought that God was telling me things (and maybe He was) and I thought I was the best person to love and take care of my wife. But the fights today just proved that I have a long way to go; I said hurtful things and was not who I should be. I am hard on myself though....I think I have had the patience of Job, but a man can only handle so much.
--- End quote ---
James, you are not "in the spiritual image of God" just yet, so please don't be too hard on yourself that you cannot consistently be "tender" to your wife. But it does seem God is refining this virtue in you, the one that continues to love someone beyond what is being done to them. Oh yes, your carnal mind may recoil and then attack back. This is a fleshy instinct, it seems, to attack in an attempt to "self-preserve". It is more than just a little hard to turn the other cheek!
You are the best person to love your wife, whether in marraige or out. Because you love her on a deeper level that likely neither of you quite understands just yet. But it is no different with God and us, we know he loves us, maybe even feel that he loves us, but we yet have an incomplete understanding of the depths of God's love towards us.
As has been witnessed in many posts on this forum, many are struggling with present sin (me including), returning whether in deed or in mind to unwanted sins and behavior. Though in our heart of hearts we WANT to be faithful to our Lord and Savior, we despair at ourselves in our apparent inability to do so. It seems there is much we have to go through before we can completely submit and trust in our God.
I am sorry to hear things do not seem to be working out well for you and your wife. Perhaps in time....but nevertheless, in the meantime, regardless of outer circumstances, it is more important to be honest with yourself and your wife...perhaps for now it really is the best thing that you are not together. This doesn't mean you cannot continue to "love" her, even if it means you have to move on. If she sees you have made peace with the situation perhaps that might be the thing that will bring her to her senses...??? You know, sometimes we also have a tendency to make things too easy for the ones we "love", by allowing them to continue destructive behavior in our presence....I've struggled with this concept with someone in my own family for what seems like forever....you don't want to shut them out but you don't want to be an "enabler" either.....it's a tuff one.
Think of what God does. Does he allow us to continue in our despicable behaviors, or does he make the circumstances such that it becomes unbearable to continue in our present state? Perhaps this is what God will do, through you, for your wife, and vice versa.
These are just some of my thoughts as I pray for you and yours, and try to identify with your struggles (though they are different from mine). It is hard to make sense of situations like yours (and Pera's) because the family unit is such a precious thing.
I hope you will find comfort and peace sooner than later....
Much love and respect to you,
Diana
skydreamers:
--- Quote ---thank you skydreamers. i know your reply was directed to james and pera, but it was for me too. i shared just a wee bit of my current situation, per my post, which dennis named "my story". i never thought about our Father not just being with us in our suffering, but suffering with us, experiencing what we were feeling. His love for me and us all is being shown to me by Him more and more. He loves us more and He loves us most. ray said in one of his transcripts that in loving and helping others we can let go of our own fears and better understand what our purpose for being here is (not his exact words, but pretty close i think). you have such an awesome way of putting things into words.
your sister in Christ,
claudia
--- End quote ---
Hi Claudia,
Thank you for your kind words. It is an honor and a joy to be used by God as a vessel of comfort for someone. If you have been blessed, than it is directly from our Father, as all good things come from Him alone. In the midst of suffering He sometimes speaks to us from the most unlikely and unexpected sources... ;) :)
God's peace and love to you,
Diana
Shmeggly:
I just had a pm about selfish prayer, which spoke very much to me. I have been selfish in all of this, and I have been selfish in our marriage. Like I said to that person; I KNOW God is dealing with me about being selfish.
The whole time I've been praying, even though it was sincere, I was praying for ME. Maybe that's too hard on myself, but in a way, it is accurate. I prayed for my wife to be made whole (for her AND for me) and I prayed for the kids, that we would all be able to stay together (for them AND for me)....
Just for the record: I have had many faults as a husband. I have not been there emotionally for my wife a good deal of the time. I have been selfish. I have been angry. I disrespected my wife. I could go on, but you get the picture. And yes, marriage is a two way street, and my wife has the things she is responsible for, and has done.
I wish I knew then (when we first got married) what I know now. I have apologized to my wife for the things I now realize were hurtful. I don't know why God waited till now for me to get alot of this, but this is the timing. I know there is purpose in all of it.
Diana....I meant scary in that you were thinking of Hosea and I had been thinking it too....not scary as in a scary situation....like adultery....I'm sorry if I'm not making sense again...it happens :)
I do think that what you say is very true. You have alot to offer, and alot of insight. Thank you so much for your posts....even though I wish I had kept my mouth shut to my wife, I believe it was for a reason....things I said were the truth. And I have been praying that she would know the truth. I do believe that it had to come to this, I'm just not sure why.
I didn't want to share this, because I was afraid of what it means. I kept hearing "2 years" in regards to my wife. But that could be my imagination. And I don't know what it means anyway. I'm tired of trying to figure out the "spiritual" meaning behind some of these things. I just want to be at peace for awhile.
I don't know what else to say, but my arm is tired from beating myself up! ;D Love and peace to everyone, and go in the strength of God. James
GODSown1:
Hey brother James,
Brother it is so funny (well so 2 speak :) ), d@ is xactly wot was revealed 2 me brother, well I fink it sort of means da same fing is jus da little fingz a Woman needz az in been taken out 4 coffees or um Cookn her a meal more den usual, sum pampering etc... well u no wot in sayn ae? :). Well my situation is improving wit my relationship, GOD tore!! us apart purposely so each of us cn b well like in a melting pot 2 b refined etc.. We r back speakn YES! speakn not yelln!! :), & she has actually said she LOVES me, always has always will, wow!! Thank YOU LORD, I jus said I will giv her sum space & jus let her no i will alwayZ! b here 4 her weneva SHES! ready, she haz said since we've been apart she has jus spent untold time with GOD!!!, I was jus blow'n away Thank YOU FATHER, brother I believe its All FAITH! & Patience, brother in sayn wot Ive said I hope hasnt further put U down, I know in The LORD ur time will cum, keep strong! in the LORD! my brother in CHRIST, I will b Prayn 4 U, & still I ask 4 urZ!! & I jus wana take dis Oppotunity 2 Thank U all in dis family uz r all such a BlesSn!! muah! muah! muah! BlesSuP!.
muchLOVE!! Pera
Ps. special hugs & kisseS 2 U JANICE U so r a Gift frm GOD, muchBlesSnz 2 u & ur family OxxOxxO including mustafa(cat) of coz lol! :D :) :P ( slap up on da head ) :).. "BUT IM GOOD, AYE". :) Oxx
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