I’m often frustrated that I have been far too much of a pansy in how I dealt with my old Pastor. I won’t mention his real name. I’ll just refer to him as ‘Pastor.’
I’ll write most of his significant comments in bold.
I used to go to an Open Brethren Chapel, but haven’t been back to Church for over 2 years now. About 2 and a half years ago before I left Church for good, the Pastor handed each of us chapel members a sheet of paper with a question for us all to answer. The question was, ‘What would a visit from an angel of the Lord say to our chapel congregation?’ I felt reluctant about answering truthfully and was thinking about refusing to give any answer, but I felt goaded to and I couldn’t resist, in my flesh I suppose. I wrote down,
“You don’t honour the Lord with your teaching. You base salvation on human willingness rather than on God. You make salvation dependent on human cooperation rather than on Christ. Fear, dread and the threat of punishment are the essence of your gospel. Where is the grace in believe or be dammed? The Word Of God reveals that all will eventually be saved.” I also presented some passages of scripture and briefly explained the true meaning of the word “Eternal”.
I felt it was a bad idea when the circumstances turned out that I ended up actually giving it to the pastor personally. As I thought that we were all going to be anonymous. He read it during the following week, and he certainly did respond in a short e-mail commenting, “thank you for answering the question sheet.” At church the next week I saw him standing in the chapel foyer as I was leaving after the Church fellowship. I said hello to him. He responded and then immediately started commenting on what I had written. He mentioned that he had quickly discredited all of the scripture that I had presented to him. We stood there in the foyer and started discussing the issue. I started to sweat and shake more and more as I fronted up to his reaction to it. He actually said that he admired me for coming out and saying what I said. He also said that he was deeply concerned. And what was behind those words that I wrote? When I said that those on the Internet could explain Universal Salvation a lot better than I can, and that he would need to read quite a bit to see what I’m seeing. He told me that he wouldn’t be prepared to spend much time on something that he can see is false. He mentioned that he wanted to discourage me from believing that all will be saved. Eventually I wasn’t able to talk because of such excessive shaking and a quivering voice. I wasn’t able to think what to say, or have the courage to defend myself. It got too much for me. He decided to write to me in response to what I had just confessed, as he saw how uncomfortable I was just standing there in a verbal confrontation.
These are some of the comments that the Pastor made in writing to me about a month after my confession to him.
“The old adage applies here, Convince a person against his will, and he is of the same opinion still.” And then added, “I hope you are still open to see your error. I hope the spirit of God will turn you from error.”
He also said, “One thing that the Universalists do, is ignore the important rule, ‘the scriptures must not contradict other scriptures.’ You’re only deluding yourself when you believe only the scriptures that fit your belief and ignore those verses that don’t fit.”
He also said, “One thing that I learnt early on was anyone that complicated the simplicity of Christ and added conditions and works to the completed work of Christ should be REFUTED AND AVOIDED. While this might not be the case with Universalism, I don’t see it as dissimilar.”
He added, “Who is influencing you? My advice to you is that if the Internet is causing you to question the truth of God’s Word, better to leave it alone, rather than listen to lying tongues and accept a lie. A belief in universalism will lead to destruction.”
He mentioned, “I think one of the flaws in your understanding is in the word, ‘all.’ You believe that the ‘all’ means ‘all without exception.’ But it really means ‘all without distinction,’ and the letter to the Colossians, Ephesians; Galatians etc are only talking to them. Not to the whole of humanity.”
I regret what I did when I came face to face with him at church the following Sunday where he started speaking to me. I remember saying, “You’ll be pleased to know that I now have my doubts about Universalism being the truth. I guess I must be wrong since so few people believe in the Salvation of all. Although so much scripture indicates that it is the truth.” He said, “I’m concerned why you believed in it in the first place. Look, if universalism is the truth, then I must submit to it, but I can’t see Christ rejectors getting through a back door at some future eon. We might discuss this issue again sometime. I’m sure we will.”
I actually wanted him to show me that I was the one that was wrong because I wasn’t seeing what he seemed to be seeing, and I couldn’t handle the pressure of having to stand up for the truth. Emotionally I needed him to be right and for me to be wrong. Also, I felt trapped in needing to continue to go to church because I couldn’t face the isolation from having no fellowship connection with other Christians or much anyone else. I really did not know that I would find myself so incredibly weak, lacking in confidence and unable to speak up with authority. I felt I had already suffered painful persecution in the years prior to this situation because of my discovery of Jesus really being the saviour of the world. He wasn’t bothering to have the time to speak to me anymore about anything really, so for 2 to 3 months I tried to convince myself that he was right. In all this time I couldn’t let go of the thought that I may be right. It wasn’t making sense. The scriptures kept contradicting and no anti-universalist on the Internet was explaining universalism away scripturally. I asked the pastor again that I was having trouble seeing Colossians 1:16-20 to mean something different to what it read. He told me to send him an e-mail with the quote and he would answer it in about a month. I did, and mentioned the different translations. I got a short immediate reply.
He mentioned, “Who am I to argue with the translators. I don’t see your problem.”
I didn’t think I was going to get a proper reply from him, and sensed that he was getting annoyed because maybe Colossians 1:16-20 was hard for him to twist.
It became painfully clear to me that I had to admit and face the fact that I in fact was right all along. The eventual salvation of all is the Gospel. I had to walk away. I acted in the flesh. I left the church promptly, and started reading Ray’s lake of fire series all the way through, from beginning to end. After a month I was shocked when I received a long e-mail from the Pastor. He said that he was concerned that I was inclined towards the position of Universalism. I wasn’t inclined towards it. I knew it was the truth. He said,
“Colossians 1:16-20 meant that all are reconciled, but not in a saving way, but instead they become the judged.”
He then launched in to an attack on Universal Salvation (the truth), and bought in commentaries from Mac Arthur etc. And then told me that if I still prefer to question, then he cannot be of any further help to me, as he doesn’t claim to be above the translators with super intelligence.
After all of his false accusations towards me, not once did I fight back. I am not really proud of the fact that I didn’t answer him back. I am annoyed too that he led me to believe that he was prepared to reason this out together with me. When really all he wanted to do was show the usual dogmatism.
I waited two years, and then sent him a note just prior to Christmas with a Christmas card too. This is what it read.
“Well Pastor, I have re-done some pretty intensive study of God’s Word, including the help of a Greek lexicon. ‘The eventual salvation of all’ IS the Gospel. In a way I would like to believe what you believe, so that I might feel a fellowship connection with other Christians. I am alone. However, I’m also glad that I know the truth, and I have to follow that. It’s impossible for me to be deceived now. Thanks to you, Pastor you motivated me to study harder and now my faith is stronger than ever. You have made statements without having your facts right. You are so wrong Pastor. I do not wish for you to respond to me anymore. You have said what you wanted to say to me, and now you should be satisfied. I will leave you to study for yourself. I hope that it will be God’s will to turn you from error in your lifetime. Anyway, have a nice Christmas.”
Sincerely David.
The Pastor responded to my letter later in the week. He sent a Christmas card and in it he had written.
“Your concerns have led you on a long journey………and you do not wish to be persuaded, so I won’t try. To take your position negates the reason for Christs coming. How sad.”
I have no intention of returning to church.
What I really regret is both not being able to have the ability to stand up to him on the spot and most of all telling him that I must be wrong. He may now always see that what I believe is unstable and that I am very gullible and can be talked into believing every wind of teaching.
I feel that I have failed. I did not make a stand for the truth right from the start. I suppose that God wouldn’t give me His work to do (God does not choose pansies to do His work).
However, the truth is God has made me this way. He intended it to happen for his purposes that I can’t see. God loves me, and I love myself. Although my efforts were pathetic compared to most people. I am still proud of myself that I at least was motivated to put myself out there and give it a go. I could also be proud that at the time I practised a peacemaking resolution of the late Father Emmet McHardy – (I will never uphold my opinions to the extent of angering another).
My advice is that if you know already that you are the kind of person that doesn’t have the ability to get your point across in situations of disagreement, then don’t let yourselves get into situations where you may be faced with having to defend the Gospel.
What do you think on what I have just shared?